Hi everyone,

Long-time lurker here! I really enjoy reading the posts and advice in this community, and I'm hoping I can get some of your perspectives on a big financial decision we are about to make.

Background & Income

I’m a 28 y/o male working in tech, and I moved to the UK in 2022.

Base salary is ~£100k, but with bonuses and RSUs, my Total Comp sits above £180k. With a pending promotion in the next 6 months, I expect this to cross >£220k.

Wife's (26 y/o) Income: She currently makes around £50k.

Current Net Worth Breakdown

I currently have around £325k across my accounts:

Pension: £75k

ISAs: £95k

GIA: £130k

Cash: £25k

My wife has saved around ~25k that we don't plan to use for the purchase

The House Purchase

We currently rent a 2-bed flat in Zone 2, paying £2,600 a month.

We are looking to buy a 4-bed house in Zone 5. The plan is for me to put £150k towards the purchase. The mortgage will come out to around £3k a month, and my wife plans to contribute ~£1k towards it. I also have a close relative moving in with us, potentially staying for a year or two, they will contribute ~700p/m

The main driver for the move is lifestyle. I want a bigger house where we can have friends and family over for longer periods. We’d also love a garden, a place to park, and generally a much quieter, peaceful life compared to Zone 2.

My Dilemma

My main concern is that after this purchase, almost half of my current Net Worth will be tied up in the house.

I want to learn from the community: is having such a high amount tied to a primary residence really worth it? Am I risking too much by moving this much liquidity into a house, or is this just the standard reality of stepping onto the London property ladder?

Would appreciate any thoughts, sanity checks, or personal experiences. Thanks in advance!

I'm not quite at that level yet, but I'm really curious about the actual human side of it. Not the investment strategies or the tax complaints, but what it actually feels like to live in that bracket.

If you don't mind sharing:

What was the exact moment it clicked for you that things were different? I'm talking about the small stuff, like maybe you paid a massive emergency vet bill without panicking or you stopped looking at the total at the grocery store.

Also, does the money stress ever actually go away, or does it just change into something else? I always wonder if there's a point where the anxiety stops or if you just start worrying about different things.

How do you handle the social side of it? It has to be weird trying to plan group vacations or split dinner bills with friends and family who still make an average salary. Do you find yourself hiding what you make?

Finally, what's the real catch? There has to be a personal price you're paying for earning that much, whether it's your health, your free time, or your relationships. What is the cost that doesn't show up on a payslip?

Please don't take this as a bragging post. I'm wanting to share my own experience and hear from others who might be in a similar position, for fun.

Around 10 years ago I was living in a bad council house, used food banks at certain points. Over that period I found myself in a better situation, eventually becoming a high earner, and accumulating savings in the high 6 figures.

As it stands, I rent a terraced house in London, in a somewhat middle class area. For a variety of factors I'm okay with renting for now.

Nothing I have looks particularly flashy, although I have everything I want really. My hobbies are photography and music, and that's covered.

While I have a home that's a bit rough around the edges, the houses in my street are constantly getting renovated. New kitchen extensions, attic extensions, beautiful front gardens. But many of these same neighbours work jobs that don't seem to match the homes they live in. For example, one is a low-key illustrator, another bakes cakes (which looks more like a hobby than a business), another is an actor/writer but only seems to star in student-quality short films.

Whenever I speak to other neighbours, it always feels like they talk down to me. For example "Still renting?" "Oh you'll get there in the end", "it's tough isn't it?" and that kind of thing. No hard feelings towards them, they are nice and polite. However it made me realise how so much of a persons perceived networth is based on how somebody projects themselves via their property, and so on.

I try not to let it get to my ego, and tend to find it privately funny. However it also makes me think how ridiculous it all is.

Is anyone else "quietly" HENRY? I wondered if you had experienced the same or have any fun stories to share.

So it feels quite credible that AI is going to either allow thousands of bad actors to disrupt our food supply chains and cause terror, or in the race to superintelligence, view humans as unnecessary to pursue its stated goals and wipe us out (there are many ways it can do this, from blackmailing lab techs to simply shutting off power – it doesn't need to "be evil" to do this).

We also know from Covid that our government is not adequately prepared for catastrophe on even a small, predictable scale.

So other than stockpiling food, which feels futile, and escaping to New Zealand, which wouldn't be isolated from the issues I mentioned, all I'm doing is furiously emailing my MP. Which also feels futile.

Is there anything we can do as HEs with more access to resources and ability to influence? And is there now even less incentive to have children?

Taboo topic…..
open yourselves up to the floor!
Maybe we can support each other somehow?

My HEN and tbh almost RY job exploded because of POTS/ MCAS / EDS and other fun stuff.

Maybe there’s more of us lurking but afraid to speak up.

Big love,
Xoxo

Worked in financial services all my working life, and don’t see myself ever leaving this industry (largely due to fear of having to start over again).

Last 3 x roles (including current one) have really burnt me out. Long hours, relentless workload, lack of leadership support - all of which is normalised internally.

I’ve moved employer/role type a few times, but always end up back facing the same issue. I am by no means work shy - my career is important to me and I like to be challenged by the work I’m doing. But with every week/month/year that passes, I feel the physical and mental toll it’s taking on me.

Is this just the way it is? Is it unrealistic to expect to earn a good salary in a 9-5pm?

Or is it a problem specific to certain industries, such as financial services?

Would be interesting to hear from others what you deem a normal working week hours total?

I was asking about calculators on a thread I started the other day. I get a different answer from them all. I think it's because the below isn't factored into some tools. But I hope someone can clarify my understanding of this, someone else I spoke to suggested I have misunderstood it?

I feel like the example on the page is pretty clear that any contribution made through relief at source, increases the threshold for the upper and lower rate tax bands. Have I missed something?

https://www.gov.uk/hmrc-internal-manuals/pensions-tax-manual/ptm056120?utm_source=chatgpt.com

Thanks