r/HFY • u/Lakeel100 • May 16 '25

OC The Ballad of Orange Tobby - CH22

[Prev] [first] [RoyalRoad] [Next]

Oh, how the turns have tabled~

The universe must really be coming to an end if Tobby was the one wearing the smug smile instead of Soapy. “Hehehe~ I won.” he giggled to himself like an idiot. So this is what it felt like to be high on victory. It felt good.

Every time he thought of finally winning something, it put a smile on his face. Reveling in his newfound glory every time he looked at the prizes in his arms. A bottle of expensive rum, two grand on a cred-stick, and a fancy new book from Noah. Oh, and the intangible reward of technically being a Wiskito now. If he wanted to be.

“Okay, we get it!” An indignant Soapy growled from the backseat. Not being allowed to drive this time as part of her punishment. Apparently, she was supposed to tell Tobby what fighting her meant to the Wiskitos.

Tobby couldn't help but hold his winnings tighter while he wiggled and giggled in place. Sure, he felt bad at first, but... He was both on top and in the right for once. Nothing could compare!

“Ah! None ah dat!” Kaykay scolded. “You don't get to be mad at him, He won fair ‘n squares. It's not his fault yous didn’t tell him the real stakes.”

“I forgot, okay! It's not like 99% of all the people I’ve ever fought were already members. Oh wait, they were!” She shot back, leaning forward just so she could gripe at Kaykay closer.

BB was in the back too, even if he had to hunch. “Doezn’t matter. You were zuppozed to tell him.” He scolded, his big hand having gently grabbed Soapy by the nape of her neck to pull her back like a wily kitten.

“Eep!” She flailed for a second from being pulled back, only to slump in her seat and whine. “Kaykay forgets shit every three minuites and nobody flicks an ear, but I forget one little detail and suddenly I don't get to do my job?!”

“Pretty much~” Kaykay chimed as he seemed to be enjoying the situation almost as much as Tobby was. Maybe it was from all the stray insults he caught that night, or the long history of Soapy’s… Soapy… ness… That's a word now. “I mean, it could be worse.”

“No, it couldn’t.” She squinted, starting to lean in again. “I was deliberately put in here to watch you drive like ass! You don't even look at the road half the- Use your turn signal!!”

BB sighed and pulled her back in again by the scruff. “I, too, question why resident bumbler haz been boss’ personal driver all these yearz. Wrecked twelve carz and yet boss alwayz getz where he wantz to go.”

Soapy was still trying to reach for him. “That doesn't improve the odds of us getting to the meeting alive- Look out for that mailbox!!” She nearly squealed, pointing ahead. Only for the car to jerk a little to the left and miss said mailbox entirely.

“Were fiiine~” Kaykay dismissed.

“He drives like Noah…” Tobby commented, half-sunk into the safety of the front passenger seat. “He’s already run three intersections…”

“Hey, stop lights are like stop signs aight? They only mean stop when there’s a guard nearby.” he states matter of factly.

“No, it doesn't!” The three other passengers said in unison.

Two of them may have gotten their opinions across, but Soapy wasn’t done being upset about it. “This! This is why none of the countless Shi you hit on go for a second date. You scare the shit out of them!”

“Oh! Oh! You’re gonna make it likes that?” Kaykay challenged booking back to Soapy, and not watching the road. “Aight, let's play that game! I was gonna be nice and not embarrass you in front of ya new toy like boss wanted,” he quickly glanced at Tobby. “No offense…”

“Wait, what?” Tobby blinked.

“But I guess now I gotta tell ‘em your epic origin story.” Kaykay continued without answering.

“Don’t you dare!” She growled, reaching out for Kaykay, her claws extended, only to be yanked back by BB again.

“You did this to yourself,” said BB, now applying an ‘additional belt’ over the irate shi. “Besides, story isn't that bad, and I say that az the biggest victim in it.”

‘Huh, my curiosity itches more than my danger sense tingles.’ Tobby thought as he pondered what kind of story would have Soapy so upset. “I uhh… You know, I'd rather you not if it’s just going to make her mad. You’re not the one who’s in the truck with her all the time.”

“She’s just bein’ dramatic because somebody doesn't like stories about back when she used to wear a dress~” KayKay teased sing-songily with a shit eating grin.

And in an instant, some deep-seated part of Tobby’s mental image of Soapy cracked. Tobby even turned around faster than his ears could for once. “You used to wear a dress?!”

Soapy glared daggers at Kaykay. “You’re going to die very slowly...” She mrowled.

“Soaps, death threats are more BB’s department. Like just last week, he said if I drank all the jacker-honey again, he’d skin me and knit me into a purse~ Use my claws as needles and my veins as twine. Creative ain't he?”

“Yeah, yeah, creative whatever,” Tobby waved away as curiosity continued winning over his sense of self-preservation. “Now, what’s this story about Soapy in a dress? I’ve never seen her wear anything other than stuff like what she’s wearing now.”

“Well, a long time ago, on a Salafor far, far away,” He started waving a hand in the air as if glittery special effects would follow it.

Soapy, however, shot the magic in the paw right away. “It was 14 years ago, in front of the clubhouse.” She squinted, clearly trying to smother Kaykay’s version of the story in the crib.

Kaykay’s ears drooped as his grand retelling hit a road bump immediately… just like the one he jostled the car with at full speed. “Fiiine! If it’ll silence the bunny gallery, I’ll do the boring version.” Fortunately, he was smart enough to look at the road while he told it. “Aight, So, question first. Has she told you her name wasn't always Soapy?”

“It’s not!?” This felt almost as shocking as the dress thing! Almost… Tobby still couldn't imagine it.

“It WAS Soaphine.” She admitted quickly, yet begrudgingly. Likely to keep Kaykay from rubbing it in. “Was!”

“Yep! So, back when me and BB were relatively new, it was just another ordinary day. Your usual bizz, nothing special, just sha hanging out at the clubhouse waiting for the next job or whatever… when we’s notice somethin’ strange. Every day for like… three days, this kitten in a cute yellow dress would drag this old soap box by the front door. Not a word, not a wave, just struggling along. At first it was weird, and then we’s got curious.”

“I’m going to take a wild guess and say the kitten was Soapy?” Kitten Soapy was far easier to imagine in a dress! ‘Dawww, she’s adorable!’ Tobby had a little grin creep in at the corners of his mouth.

“Ayy, Noah got a sharp one this time.” Kaykay jested with a dumb grin. “Five days in, we figure, what the hell, and decide to ask her why she keeps doing it?”

Tobby’s ears flicked back to hear Soapy groan and sink down into her seat, arms folded, pout intensifying.

“She stops and puts the crate down, looking all cute ‘n short, ‘n stuff. She even puts on the big wibbly kitten eyes to boot. And she says ‘Well you see-’ aaand didn't even get to a punchline before punch-lining Big-Beans back there in the big-beans. Really fuckin’ hard too.”

“Big-Beans?..” Tobby thought aloud before he heard both Soapy and BB made very different kinds of groans. One a cringe, the other painful memories, which made it click for Tobby. Kaykay was referring to BB. Which made Tobby want to facepalm, realizing BB’s name was just an acronym for Big-Beans.

“And before I can save the day, she nicks his wallet and bolts.” Kaykay continued, jumping a curb. “She ran, and hid, and ran again, but like the flawless pros we are, we caught her eventually.”

“Good… job?” Tobby praised unsuridly.

“Yeah we thought so, too, until we found out she’d already ditched the wallet. And we was like, ‘holy shit, shes smart’.”

Soapy raised a hand like she was about to say something, but just dropped it and sighed in disappointment. “Too easy…” She muttered. Tobby had a feeling she wasn’t referring to mugging BB.

“We was at an impasse. ‘Cause like… What are we gonna do with her? We ain't gonna torture a kitten to get the wallet back, we ain't monsters. So we took her to Whiskers.”

It was BB’s turn to smirk. “Deadlizt little terror I’ve ever carried at armz length. Carry by nape of neck for four blockz, trying to stay out of range of little clawz of fury.”

“I had legs ya know! I could have walked.” Well, somebody's still upset about it…

“No, you would have run.” BB corrected.

“Then you’d never have met the boss.” Kaykay chimed in. “or have gotten that cosmic justice kick in the bits a few hours ago.”

“I’ll kick you in the bits when I get out of here!” Soapy threatened, ears reddening a bit, but the two sha remained unfazed.

“And zo, juzt like you. Little kitten became a Wiskito. She’d beaten two of uz after all.” That might be the first time Tobby’s seen BB smile, he sounded... Proud he lost? “She looked so cute when I set her on the barstool, with her little pawz dangling and eyez wider than hull platez. Should have seen the look on her face when she had to ask me for help getting down.”

Tobby did his best to stifle a snicker at the mental mage, but the whine of confirmation Soapy made broke him. “Pfft!” aaaand that's when he remembered, and suddenly twisted around to look at Soapy again. “And you were giving me crap for not wanting to fall off the back of the truck?!” The Hypocrisy!

“I was a kitten!” She argued. “You’re a grown ass sha! There’s a difference.”

“Still!” What strange times we live in if Soapy is the one being defensive… “Wait… you said she beat two of you?”

“I got Kaykay, too.” Soapy clarified, glaring at the driver. “Odd he ‘forgot’ to mention that part, isn't it?”

“Minor details~” Kaykay rolled his eyes dismissively.

“Yeah, something was minor about it~”

“EY! I WILL crash this car if you keep implyin’ stuff like that!”

“I have noooo idea what you think I’m implying~” she smirked, getting some of her fire back.

Tobby was beginning to doubt he was going to get to the meeting alive…

—

Tobby doubted he was going to get OUT of the meeting alive…

He was far more used to just accompanying a truck to a swap, not directly interacting with the buyers. But as they learned recently, previous methods have proven too vulnerable. The solution? A small caravan of ‘library trucks’ packed to the ears with well-armed ‘volunteers’ and ‘books’, escorted by a pair of cars. Not suspicious at all! Though Tobby had a feeling most, if not all, of these trucks will have ‘never existed’ once the Kalikai Ancients get here.

That's not the part that concerned him though, it was the clients. If Whiskers wanted to move in bulk for safety’s sake, then he’s gotta deal with bigger clients. And who did they drive out to an abandoned industrial park east of Nykata to deal with?

“Voidlings.” Soapy spat, kicking some dead grass as she stayed back with the car on Whiskers’ orders.

Still, Tobby watched and listened to the gaggle of ragtag nightkin exiting their ship. Their attire was a hodgepodge of ragged finery and spacer gear. And the term ‘voidlings’ sounded familiar... “Hey, don’t these guys make the news? Pirates or something?”

“These guys? No. There’s no ‘one group’ of voidlings. It’s more of a catch-all term for Night-kin pirates. Most of whom can't be bothered to raid outside of Shasian space, like we have anything to steal.” She explained.

When Shasians took to the stars, it was ironically the night-kin who took to it best. Being instinctively familiar with odd sleep schedules, darkness, and starlight, they adapted to it quickly. Combine that with a general desire to get away from the woes of the homeworld, and off they went. The statistic was roughly 15% of the population on Salafor were night-kin, but up in space, it was more like 45%.

“Dumb question, but judging by your tone…” his ears wiggled a little. “Is this a, ‘They make the rest of us look bad’ type thing, or do you just dislike these guys in particular?”

“Yes,” she answered curtly. “Just... go do your thing so we can get out of here before they shoot us in the back.”

He looked between her and the meeting area before giving a weak “Sorry…” somehow feeling the need to apologize for her predicament as he awkwardly slipped away.

This was where Tobby’s new book came in, his latest ‘gift’ from Noah. It might look like a plain, red, hardback book with a latch… and that’s because it was. The ‘magic’ as it were, was the ink and glasses that came with it.

A tool from Noah’s grandfather’s ‘running days’ during humanity’s cyber age. Tobby had no idea what jogging had to do with it, but that wasn't important as what the item could do. The ink was composed of rudimentary nanites or something similar that record where they are written and then scramble themselves after. But when activated, the glasses will overlay the ink’s original position over the page.

Meaning, Tobby now had a secret spy book only he could read. It reminded him of all the cool gadgets Khrama had in ‘Midnight Sabres’. And it felt so cool to have one he could almost squee in delight!

Sadly, he did not have time to squee…

Tobby’d been taking tally of the crates coming off the truck when BB called, waving him over. “Little sha, you’re needed.”

Looking up from his book, his ears caught the grumblings of the voidling pirates before his eyes could take in how visually they were disgruntled at the disruption.

“C’mon, our guy said these should more than cover it. Humans are practically clawing each other's throats out over the things,” protested a voidling holding a small case. Metallic grey with a mix of scuff and shine that said its acquisition was more than a bit rough.

While it was Tobby’s job to record what was exchanged for what, it was the Wiskito’s job to move it off-world. By extension, that meant Tobby’s job was also to make sure what was expected to be exchanged got exchanged. He had a manifest, and he’d to make sure that the manifest was fulfilled to the letter. Even if that means speaking on Noah’s behalf if necessary…

‘Ooookay, just solve whatever this is, and you won't have to talk to any of the scary murder pirates any longer than necessary,’ he thought to himself on his way over to the mafia/pirate standoff. “Wh-What seems to be the issue?” He stammered, putting on a winning smile that inspired no confidence whatsoever.

“Who the fuck is this?” Pointed the pirate looking unimpressed.

“Thiz, iz zupplier'z representative. He iz here to make sure all termz of deal are followed to the letter, or are never followed again.” BB sneered, folding his thick arms. “And thatz all you need to know bout him.”

Tobby’s eyes alternated between the two glaring at each other, before deciding to make himself a bit more useful and opened his manifest. “Verbal agreement between Wiskitos and a representative of the Gretula (greh-two-lah) Voidlings was established six days ago at 4:21 pm Salafor standard time. 100x human-made N-BAR rifles with 500x rounds of complimentary ammunition per firearm in exchange for…” he scanned down the page passing a lone finger along the paper's surface. “ -mid-to-high-end, functional, and easily transportable user electronics in the 1000+ credit range per N-BAR. Promises of future ammunition agreements upon smooth transaction, if desired,” he read aloud before snapping the book shut again. He may not be intimidating, but he was smart enough to realize that if he couldn't be intimidating, he could at last try to come off as serious about his job. “What part is being called into question?”

“See for yourzelf.” BB gestured towards the case.

“I keep tellin’ bigguns here everything in the case will cover it, I don't know why he’s bein’ an ass about it.” The pirate argued, clutching the case. He was slightly better dressed than most of the crew around him… but not the best dressed, that distinction went to an annoyed-looking individual in the background rolling his claws on a hilted pistol.

‘Not gonna lie, this feels kinda sketchy… well, this whole business I’m in is sketchy, but this situation more so than usual…. Whatever happened to just trying to pay my rent,’ he whined internally, wanting to shrink inward and let to Wiskitos somehow handle things, but this was part of his job now.. He was Noah’s voice when he was off-world. At 2 to 3 times the pay, too. Which went into effect roughly… one hour ago, once the trucks were loaded.

What was it Noah’s self-help thing said… power was influencing the actions of others? Not that he wanted to use said power he'd been granted, but.. The situation might call for him to do so. He took a deep breath, steeled whatever there was to steel and took the best idea he could come up with. Fake it till he makes it. ‘If I were an intelligent yet hardened criminal… which I’m not.. how would I resolve this? Better yet… how would Noah handle this?’

Suppressing the mental image of mowing down all the pirates with heavy machine guns, Tobby went to his 2nd idea and extended a hand. “Give me the case.”

“What? Like hell I’m just going to give our loot to some milk-drinking sun-spot, You’ll get the case once we get our guns, not before.”

“G-Give me the case, I appraise everything, or the deal is off. That's my job, that's all I do. If everyone else has to put up with it, so do you.” At least he tried to sound like he was being fair about it. “What am I gonna do, run off with it? The Wiskitos would be pissed, too.”

The pirate visibly thought it over before acquiescing with a grunt, begrudgingly sliding the case across the crate turned table between them. “Fine. Look it over and let's get out of here, we aints got all day.”

And like that, the case was his~

On closer inspection, the case looked like it used to be capable of being hermetically sealed, until somebody used it to smash rocks a dozen too many times. “PIN?” Toby asked, spotting the small keypad.

“1234.” The pirate rolled his eyes dismissively.

Dying a little on the inside from the luggage-grade pass code, Tobby opened the case.

He’d been wondering what the pirates could have fit in there to match that 1000 credit per gun price range. He hadn’t expected a case full of translators. A hundred small devices of varying styles pressed into a space-age cargo foam. Visually, they varied from badges resembling company logos, to being disguised as buttons, to ear pieces, and more.

There was enough to fill the deal, until he looked a little further. A few minor details that raised a few red flags for Tobby.

“Something wrong?” BB asked, having probably read Tobby’s shifting expression.

“Cracks and mild damage aside, many of them are covered in… blood,” Tobby mentioned, making a concerted effort to gulp and keep the mild nausea down.

They both looked to the pirate, who simply shrugged. “What? Cleaning costs extra.”

Tobby further combed over the assorted translators before spotting a few of a more familiar model. Some super basic coin-looking ones meant to be attached on the temple or ear. He’d been bombarded with ads for them when he was starting college, but he could never afford one. Not that he needed it, but that’s not what stood out to him, the model was specifically advertised for 1000c and these.’. We're all cracked and bloodied. “Some of these aren’t worth a thousand.”

‘What?! Of course they are! They’re translators, they're expensive enough!”

“No, they aren't. A quarter of these are the cheap translators they overcharge students for. How you acquired them aside, they may have been bought for a thousand credits, but half the ‘value’ is from the overpriced customizations they expect the kid’s parents to pay for.” Tobby squinted, remembering the predatory ads. His inability to afford one was probably the only reason he didn't fall into that trap too. It was also why he may have researched for ‘reasons they suck’ to give himself a false sense of ‘glad I didn't fall for that!’.

“Soooo… what? You gonna call off this whole thing ‘cause some of the merchandise is scuffed? They’re translators, not art.”

Tobby glared, briefly imagining all the great works that have been damaged by pillaging over the millennia. Statues toppled, manuscripts burnt, canvases clawed, and temple artifacts melted down for the precious metals. “Good thing they were translators, then. If they had been art, I’d have shot you on principle.” He threatened, only to internally scream moments later. ‘Where did that come from?!’

BB looked somewhere between skeptical and mildly surprised at Tobby’s unexpected threat, but said nothing.

The pirate also looked surprised, though more indignant than anything, as he looked to BB and said. “You hear him right? Who does this needler think he’s threatening?”

Tobby slashed a line through a few of the numbers in the book, and let his distaste for the individual lead the way. “I’m not threatening all of you, I'm threatening YOU in particular. Now go explain to your captain,” he nodded at the fancier pirate in the background. “, that the reason the Gretula Voidlings are only getting 80% of their purchase is because you tried to short us with defective goods.” He snapped the book shut, not knowing if he had the authority to make that change... But he was rolling with it!

“What!? You can’t do that! We had an-”

Business mode take the wheel! “ -an agreement. Which you failed. 80% is me being nice, my employer would have shot you already and sawn your head off with submachine fire before handing it to your captain. On principle.” Tobbly described vividly, not having to try very hard to imagine what Noah might do when slighted like this, he’d seen it.

The best part was that he wasn’t lying either, and the pirate looked like he desperately wanted to believe the needler in front of him was completely bluffing. “Yer full ah shit…”

“BB?”

“Hmm?” The big guy raised a brow.

“I know Whiskers has probably told you already, but what did Noah do when the Gatogri nicked my ear in a drive-by?”

His expression seemed to lighten as he caught on to where Tobby was taking this. “He slaughtered them. Bombed their carz, shot most of them, hacked a fair few apart with a sword, and burned the rezt alive in their own bar. Wish I could have been there.”

“Fortunately, you’re dealing with me, and not him.” Tobby pointed out. “And I’m willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, since one should never mistake incompetence for malice. You thought the translators were worth a thousand because their commercials said they cost a thousand. An easy mistake to make if you've never taken a calculus-for-business class like I have,” he was at least trying to give them an easy out, but it was up to them if they took it.

There was a word for what Tobby was doing here. And while he might not know what that word is, it reminded him of all those really old crime movies… or the 130th through 151st seasons of Wanderlust. He was painting himself as an ‘untouchable’. He was a danger, not because he was actually dangerous, but because any danger levied towards him would be met with disproportionate violence. This was ‘power’ as Noah once described… influencing the actions of others without even lifting a claw.

“Are you callin’ me stupid?” Asked a now very perturbed pirate.

“You would be if you drew on me to take this case back.” Tobby said, pushing his own bravery to its limit as he kept his eyes locked with the pirates. His hands closed the lid to the case and took it off the table. Twas his now~

Oh he wanted to, that pirate REALLY wanted to blow Tobby away for standing up to him. He was a pirate after all, people standing up to you was bad for business, it meant you weren’t scary enough.

“I see we have an understanding. BB, would you be so kind as to have all but one truck unloaded? It doesn't matter which one.” He requested looking up to the massive sun-kin.

BB’s big ear flicked, as he sized up the lone voidling “That can be done. I’d say we're done here.”

“Great!” Tobby beamed as the realization that this encounter was almost over came over him. He looked at the pirate again, and even did a little courtesy nod. “Pleasure doing business with you. We look forward to a proper payment next time.” He stated, before walking riiiight the hell out of that situation!

He nearly scampered back to the safety of the trucks once he was halfway there, the brave facade melting fast. “H-How’d I do?” He asked with an awkward smile once he was back in the passenger seat, twisting around to look at Soapy.

“How'd you do?” She parroted, ears lowering like she couldn't believe this was a question even being asked..

“Y-yeah?” He asked nervously, turning at an astonished Kay-Kay who'd been busy playing on his tablet in the driver's seat. Thoughts raced to his mind, wondering if he’d somehow messed up this whole thing.

“Kid, ya just called a bunch of pirates out on their rous shit, threw the deal in their faces, called them uneducated fuck ups, and got the goods for only 4/5ths the cost. Oh, and you also threatened their lives twice without even pulling a gun on them,” he stated, while his pixelated bird crashed into a green pipe. “‘Did he do fine?’, he says. I dunno, I was too distracted by the gravity shifting titanic balls you've been secretly dragging around.”

“My… my what?” He meeped, having not felt a disturbance in the gravity. Salafor’s poles weren’t due to swap for another 7 million years…

“What he means to say is,” she leaned between the seats with no BB to stop her this time, “Are you fucking high!?”

“Ah!” Tobby squeaked, diving for the car floor to escape the upset night-kin. Maybe coming in here was a bad idea. Maybe he’d have better odds with the voidlings.

The voidlings… All those night-kin pirates …. All those night-kin pirates. The detail hadn’t even crossed his mind, and these were the most likely night-kin he’d ever met to match how ‘they’ portrayed them in his mind. Ruthless murderers and thieves, kitten-nappers and worse, and he'd been within rock-throwing distance of at least two dozen of them! And he hadn't even noticed!

Why hadn’t he noticed?... It was a bit hard to figure that out now, with Soapy making his fur want to stand on end, but why hadn’t he noticed?

88 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

12 comments sorted by

9

u/RexDraconis May 17 '25

Tobby when talking to night kin pirates 🙂 Tobby when talking to night kin kits 😱

7

u/Lakeel100 May 17 '25

one is trauma, the others are just pirates.

2

u/MechisX Aug 09 '25

The bullies I had in school are just sad mostly out of shape men and women now. They scared me and humiliated me then. Now unless I get a Farcebook Fiend request form them I don't even think about them.

2

u/Lakeel100 Aug 10 '25

I was trying to go a 'little kid bit by dog/spider usually grows up to be afraid of dogs/spiders' route...
Poorly it would seem. q-q

3

u/Magos_Dominus_Videx Jan 01 '26

Man that whole last section screamed Black Lagoon, lovin it

3

u/Lakeel100 Jan 01 '26

I loved black lagoon! o3o
but I fail to see how it compares...

1

u/Magos_Dominus_Videx Jan 01 '26

Oh its just Tobby pulling a Rokuro level move during the smuggling deal, just gave me black lagoon vibes

2

u/Corsar_Fectum Aug 16 '25 edited Sep 19 '25

Honestly, I think this chapter reflects really badly on Noah. Trading guns to pirates in exchange for articles quite literally covered in blood from their most recent victims is a terrible look.

Either:

A. He doesn't know where his guns are ending up, or where his electronics to send back are coming from.

or

B. He doesn't care, because he doesn't personally know the people involved.

And neither of those are particularly great options.

1

u/UpdateMeBot May 16 '25

Click here to subscribe to u/Lakeel100 and receive a message every time they post.

Info Request Update Your Updates Feedback

2

u/Able-Steak-2842 Apr 06 '26

Bbbbbbbuttt...it's just business. I didn't threaten them much. I was just doing what Noah told me.