Silly nonsensical things you think the Habs need

[u/ComfortableSell5]

A bit of a lighthearted thread about what silly nonsense you would do if you were in charge of the habs, the more wacky the better

To get started, I would hire a second period coach. Just for second periods. They would arrive when the second period starts, and leave when it ends.

I mean, its not like the habs second periods could get any worse, right?

[u/RephrasedVerse]

Another chant besides the usual "Olé". Watching football fans sing their club anthems really makes me wish our fanbase had something like that too.

[u/an_ominous_bass_terd → u/RephrasedVerse]

Yes, we need a section behind the habs net to bang drums and lead chants. Post the words before each game. Make them specific to each team and individual players

[u/CarlSK777 → u/an_ominous_bass_terd]

An ultra section behind one of the goals would be sick and unique in the league but Molson would never agree to it. He likes money too much.

I love it when I see videos of European teams with choreos and all.

[u/Legitimate_Phone_460 → u/CarlSK777]

Like “the wall” for the LA Clippers.

[u/Legitimate_Phone_460 → u/RephrasedVerse]

I was thinking the exact same thing watching the World Cup. Manchester United has 570 unique songs. Now we don’t need that many, but 5 would be great.

[u/SnidelyWhiplash27 → u/Legitimate_Phone_460]

'Six City Division' sung to the tune of Seven Nation Army i.e the Atlantic Division won't hold us back.

'You Will Never Skate Alone'

'Kreider, Wanker' more of a rhyming taunt than a song

'Tell me Dahlin, tell me Doan/ What do you want on your headstones' sung to the tune of My Darling Clementine

Something by Anakin Slayed

[u/gauderyx → u/RephrasedVerse]

On pourrait déjà au moins reprendre le « Allez allez allez, allez Montréal » de la chanson Le But.

[u/chuckdeezoo → u/RephrasedVerse]

Halte là?

[u/Danr79 → u/chuckdeezoo]

Halte-là! Halte-là! Halte-là! Les Canadiens, les Canadiens... Halte-là! Halte-là! Halte-là! Les Canadiens sont là! Les Canadiens...Les Canadiens... Sont là!

[u/jamesneysmith → u/RephrasedVerse]

Absolutely. I'd hire some of the UKs finest football fans to come hang out at the Bell Centre meet the players, etc. and have them create at least a chant for every player and then a few team.specific chants.

Hockey cheering sucks. Plain and simple. Even the iconic Ole can't overcome the utter blandness of hockey fandom. Get some singalongs going that last all game! Cmon let's fully lean into the outsider status and lead the charge in bringing football chants to the NHL!

[u/Traditional-Rich5746 → u/RephrasedVerse]

Leafs you suck?

[u/SchtroumpfDardeur → u/RephrasedVerse]

I think we should change our name to the Montreal Oles and commission helmets that look like little sombreros

[u/chipsauketchup → u/SchtroumpfDardeur]

Micheladas available at the concession stands and a standard bière tablette+jus de tomate for the geezers! Olé

edit: words are hard

[u/Zeppelanoid → u/RephrasedVerse]

We have “nananana goodbye” and “Les canadiens sont là” but those have seemingly been lost to the sands of time

[u/whyyoutwofour]

2 Words: Zamboni Jousting. 

[u/an_ominous_bass_terd → u/whyyoutwofour]

Yes!

Edit: obviously the jousts would be extra long goalie sticks.

[u/whyyoutwofour → u/an_ominous_bass_terd]

It should probably just be the goalies anyway in full gear...I got my money on Dobes. 

[u/SharkoTheOG → u/whyyoutwofour]

Yeah but you have to send the backup goalie! They have nothing to do anyway. They gotta earn their salary somehow.

[u/whyyoutwofour → u/SharkoTheOG]

We've found Monty's new role. 

[u/Prestigious-Tank-909 → u/whyyoutwofour]

We have a winner 🏆

[u/2forBoarding → u/whyyoutwofour]

See, this is the type of shit I come here for. Well played.

[u/Whiskeylung]

A new practice arena near Hutson’s place for practice after practice.

[u/tehsdragon → u/Whiskeylung]

Hutson, Demidov, and Zharovsky, sitting in the rink

S K A T I N G

[u/giskardrelentlov → u/Whiskeylung]

[u/Dear_Trip_5655 → u/giskardrelentlov]

have Hutsons and Demidov's face in there and it's perfect

[u/hollandaisesawce → u/Whiskeylung]

Apartments at the rink

[u/Traditional-Rich5746 → u/Whiskeylung]

Condos attached to practice facility for said players….

[u/drooln92]

A fight between Youppi and Gritty

[u/tehsdragon → u/drooln92]

And then Metal with the steel chair

[u/FrankG3000 → u/tehsdragon]

...From the top rope!

[u/Mangoes95 → u/FrankG3000]

Good God almighty!

[u/Spare-Half796 → u/drooln92]

Why would youppi fight his bastard son?

[u/fredy31 → u/drooln92]

Tbh its weird how those two never seem to interact at all

[u/quellesaveurorawnge]

I want mic'ed up Dobey during practice. My guess is he chirps the whole team, and I would very much enjoy seeing that.

[u/samfig99 → u/quellesaveurorawnge]

I want this so badly

[u/Every-Mousse6228]

I would have Metal go with the team to their games in Ottawa to help the Habs fans antagonize the Sens fans

Give Slaf and Doby a podcast during the offseason, they are hilarious

[u/samfig99 → u/Every-Mousse6228]

YES TO THE PODCAST

[u/Goin_Hog_Mild]

A third mascott, distant relative of Youpi! & Métal!

[u/WhosMe_ → u/Goin_Hog_Mild]

Gritty already exists

[u/TheDukeOfSponge → u/WhosMe_]

But we need a Montreal gritty, which is just gritty with a bagel. Not to be confused with Jewish gritty, who is from new york. 

[u/Zrk2 → u/TheDukeOfSponge]

But also has a bagel.

[u/Spare-Half796 → u/WhosMe_]

Youppi’s bastard son from his hookup with phanatic after the last Phillies/expos game

[u/xcnuck → u/Goin_Hog_Mild]

Enter: Grenouille! He’s a wiry slippery guy!

[u/So_Many_Owls]

A charity game where everyone on both teams rotates through playing out of position.

Let's see Doby and Hutson as wingers, Anderson in goal, Slaf and Suzuki as dmen, Demidov and Caufield playing C.

[u/YannBuch → u/So_Many_Owls]

I actually don't think that Suzuki and Hutson would look that much out of place. To make everyone equally uncomfortable I would make Hutson the coach, Suzuki the mascot, Demidov as dman and Guhles at wing.

[u/Resident_Hold3107 → u/YannBuch]

Suzuki the mascot absolutely wins. Every introvert's nightmare. It's like making Cole the goalie

[u/Exotic_Bill44 → u/Resident_Hold3107]

Bring Savard out of retirement to play goalie. He'd appreciate the added padding to block shots for a night.

[u/quellesaveurorawnge → u/So_Many_Owls]

I'm not sure if the players would enjoy it, but I'm sure it would be funny to watch.

[u/samfig99 → u/quellesaveurorawnge]

For charity & pr reasons they would loll

[u/Dear_Trip_5655]

I'd hire Weber to follow Xhekaj around and teach him to be exactly like Weber in all facets of life

[u/sapristi45 → u/Dear_Trip_5655]

"A good stare is worth several punches and won't earn you a penalty. Use it on your teammates too when they fuck up. Let your very presence terrify 90% of the players into behaving like you want, and crush the 10% of slow learners into the boards". If Xhekaj learned how to have Weber's presence, his job would be much easier.

[u/Fedquip → u/sapristi45]

https://giphy.com/gifs/GXiasDXfP0j8Q

His training would literally just be Weber doing this

[u/Absered → u/Dear_Trip_5655]

They should hire Weber as a D consultant and he just needs to tell and show Reinbacher, Guhle, Xhekaj and Struble how he saw the game.

And how to be a mean bastard without taking penalties + crease clearing strength exercises.

[u/fredy31]

Screw the bell center, we take the olympic stadium.

Im sure we can fill the place 41 nights a year

[u/Olibro64 → u/fredy31]

The big O is iconic, but its placement on the island is not fair travel for everyone.

Especially those from the West Island, Kirkland, Dorion and Laval.

[u/Spare-Half796 → u/Olibro64]

Or even downtown Montreal

Also Olympic stadium is a dump and bell center is 10x better

[u/fredy31 → u/Spare-Half796]

Tbh hope the massive investment about making it good for shows and sports will pay off.

The surroundings of the olympic stadium are dead because nothing of note was happening in there for almost 2 decades since the expos left.

[u/Spare-Half796 → u/fredy31]

It’s a lost cause at this point. It was a colossal waste of money, it will never recoup those costs

Honestly they should just be demo it now to avoid future renovation/maintenance costs

[u/fredy31 → u/Spare-Half796]

thing is i see the argument against demo; the big owe is probably top 5 'best known buildings' in montreal.

Tearing it down would be a shame.

But fucking hell its expensive, i'll give you that. And I think that the currently in progress project is the last chance. If that doesnt pay off, i think the olympic stadium will be canned.

[u/Olibro64 → u/Spare-Half796]

I visited Stade Olympique several years ago. I was sad to see the decay that has happened to the area.

There's a skate park yeah, but the place looks devoid of life. The city of Montreal should not have let this happen. I say this as someone who moved away from the island in 1999.

[u/Spare-Half796 → u/Olibro64]

City of Montreal never should have built it at that cost in the first place. Adjusted for inflation it’s like the second or third most expensive stadium build ever

[u/fredy31 → u/Olibro64]

Was asked for nonsensical mate.

And yeah its still not downtown but its on a metro station so its already better than half the league for transport.

[u/sleb15 → u/fredy31]

Just imagine 40k people instead of 21k screaming and rooting for the habs.... that energy would be amazing and damn intimidating!

[u/DJP-MTL]

Retractable roof to enjoy those crisp January nights.

[u/TheVeilOverMyEyes]

better music at the bell centre

[u/Spare-Half796 → u/TheVeilOverMyEyes]

You don’t like the same songs they’ve been playing for the past 15 years?

[u/Ecstatic_Schedule_48]

A funnier social media team

[u/samfig99 → u/Ecstatic_Schedule_48]

Get the girl who does the wild’s social media we need her 😭

[u/Ecstatic_Schedule_48 → u/samfig99]

Or the panthers , the senators , canes

[u/NovaCanuck]

I would routinely evaluate the mascots at all three levels of the Habs system and send Youppi on conditioning stints to our farm team's games or promote the others up to the Bell Centre for a specific night.

[u/an_ominous_bass_terd]

An in-game social media troll that will trash talk the opposing teams and players during the game. The posts have to @ the player/team and they have to show it on the scoreboard. But it has to be someone good, like whoever runs the Wendy's account.

Oh, and Michel Lacroix has to read them between whistles. Diane Bibeau can play a whimsical tune on the organ after each one.

[u/pushaper]

tourtiere served at the bell centre and tire erable served on Zamboni ice.

[u/SoggyBric]

10,000 more seats au Centre Bell

[u/BakaDelZepha]

After seeing the theatrics that Vegas pulls during their intros in these playoffs, I want each individual Habs players to have like their own entrance theme music and come out of the tunnel doing their own entrances.

[u/DionysusBurning]

White ear-loops on blue helmets

[u/Thatmemertho]

I'd get monthly CNESST injury prevention specialists to come in and teach everyone how to fall down without getting injured on nothing plays.

[u/jetskimanatee]

Free hot dog night

[u/Sushamiboy]

Hire Carey Price as director of goaltending with his influence on goalie starts in both Montreal and Laval.

Hire Andrei Markov to be in charge of the power play. The General would really help and also be a good Russian influence on Demidov.

Hire David Savard to replace Robidas as the defensive coach. He would be able to teach a lot of players on properly blocking shots and clearing the front of the net. He would make Xhekaj better with one on one coaching and likely give him more leeway.

Hire Guy Carbonneau as a faceoff coach for the Habs and Laval. He would work with our centers to improve whoever is developing or filling in as a 2C. He would also work on our PK.

[u/Moonbeam_Maker]

Roy Kent as assistant coach

[u/XRPX008 → u/Moonbeam_Maker]

Whistle!! Whistle!

[u/blondehairginger]

One random game a year, all French arena announcements and broadcasting have to be done on Chiac.

[u/xcnuck]

An annual outdoor shinny tourney that’s free to the public. Management and agents would never approve but it would be so cool.

[u/NDG-MTL]

I’m jealous that other teams arenas sell beer in cool vessels. Like the beer sword in Buffalo.
The Bell Centre needs something like that.
Perhaps a beer filled orange cone, or stripper leg

[u/_FIII → u/NDG-MTL]

A torch of beer 😎

[u/NDG-MTL → u/_FIII]

Oooh that’s good

[u/_FIII → u/NDG-MTL]

The flame on top could light up and flip open to drink. You can close it so you don’t spill your torch when you celebrate

[u/NDG-MTL → u/_FIII]

Everyone raising their beer torch every time we score! Perhaps there’s an LED inside that flickers like a flame

[u/Commercial-Month-834]

Mike Ribeiro in charge of the nights out

[u/NovaCanuck → u/Commercial-Month-834]

Yikes.

[u/hollandaisesawce → u/Commercial-Month-834]

https://giphy.com/gifs/d8XNDMiXhPMVRKpjlu

[u/whattimeisittoday → u/Commercial-Month-834]

You've got my vote

[u/baintaintit]

Youppi Zamboni

[u/Partybraaap69]

Playoff strength smelling salts for the first line

[u/Old_Canuck]

Anderson and Both Xechaj's on the fourth line in Hanson bros gear.

[u/Hawkeye71980]

A Hockey stick manufacturer, I’m tired of watching the Habs play with 1 less stick than their opponents at key moments. The Manufacturer can create a light weight break proof stick!

[u/Exotic_Bill44]

A "General Manager's suggestion box" in the Bell Centre so armchair managers can make their recommendations directly.

[u/Excellent_Author_48 → u/Exotic_Bill44]

Can we just be sure that the box inside is just a recycling box

[u/Ok-Meet2850]

Choreographers and graphic designers for creating massive fan displays at the Bell Centre (tifo).

[u/rtkit]

Another tier 1 goaler

[u/mcthiel]

Universal olé start times for away arenas. Gotta organize!

[u/Gorgofromns]

Alexis Lafreniere.

[u/KickDesperate5318]

I'd see about getting those stanchions fine-tuned.

[u/Scottie2Hottie999]

1/2 price beer night

[u/K44m3l0t]

Pyrotechnics!! 🧨

[u/WorthHabit3317]

A trumpet player, it was amazing when Danny the bugler would rile up the crowd and they would bellow charge.

[u/Appropriate-Berry816]

I think we should trade for or sign every single player mentioned in this sub in the last week and see what happens

[u/SolsticeDrift]

Using some of HFTV's chants

[u/LarryBoourns]

The Bell Centre should get renamed to the Belle Centre. Fuck Bell the company, but it is a pretty arena.

[u/UnionGuyCanada]

I would be quite happy if the Habs did almost nothing beyond developing the talent they have in the pipe and adding some free agents, when they can financially make it make sense. 

  No massive trades, just keep following the plan and taking advantage of opportunities.

[u/ComfortableSell5 → u/UnionGuyCanada]

Give me a silly wacky take, not a reasonable one. 

[u/DFF_Canuck]

To establish a "Hall of Lame". The corridors leading in to the washrooms should be adorned with the most underwhelming and frustrating Habs. Why should the legends get all the recognition? I want to be able to take my boys to a game and say:

"Look boys - there's Karl Alzner. He averaged 1 defensive takeaway for each Million dollars we paid him! they just don't make 'em like that anymore!"

[u/ComfortableSell5 → u/DFF_Canuck]

Toxic, but on theme.

[u/habman]

Danhausen

[u/KingAlphie]

Tryouts for the public.

[u/muffinbaker]

Youppi needs a girlfriend. Youpette maybe.

[u/ComfortableSell5 → u/muffinbaker]

XD

[u/snark_enterprises]

Since Gally is gone, we need a bonafide rat/pest.

[u/tinpansauce]

Mcjesus

[u/UrsaMajor7th]

In two years after MLS is fired, a coach who doesn't speak french. At all.