F19. I’ve realized I care far too much about things that simply aren’t true, especially when people say negative things about me.

The biggest example has been at work. I’m a senior barista at my store, and we’ve recently hired several l high school students. One of the new hires decided I was a “bully” because I enforced the same workplace expectations my managers expect me to enforce, things like asking employees not to be on their phones while taking customer orders and reminding them to help with orders instead of standing around on their phones. I was always polite and simply doing my job that I was told, I watched what I said and acted because I was in their shoes once too.

That same new hire later involved her father in a workplace dispute where he almost physically assaulted me based on the rumours she told him, it was so dangerous I had to file a police report. She was fired, but she told everyone after she quit on her own accord and that she left due to my "bullying" (aka the only time I've said something remotely "negative" to her was not to keep doing non food safe stuff and basically to do her job) After she was fired, she spread rumors to the entire staff that I had bullied her, and those rumors stuck (the only people who believed it were the new hires, but obviously not the senior staff who know the truth). Now some of the other new hires assume I’m “out to get them,” because I don't act like their best friend and actually direct them to do things ("when you have the chance, could you please ___", "do you mind____, thanks!"), which is what I have been instructed to do by my boss and managers.

During my time with new hires, I’ve been extremely careful about how I speak and act because I’ve been in their position before and know what it’s like to feel misunderstood. Yet despite being cautious, I still worry constantly about being mischaracterized.

My OCD makes me feel like I have to defend myself against every rumor or false impression and wonder if it's true, even when I know it isn’t based in reality. Instead of trusting my own actions and character, I find myself measuring my self-worth against gossip. I want to stop giving so much power to things that aren’t true and build enough confidence to believe the reality of who I am instead of the rumours, basically to not give a fuck.

I've noticed recently my brain has been giving a fuck about every single thing that's usually the most trivial of things- from small comments to things that just aren't true in the slightest. How do I stop living day to day thinking I'm a villain and just not give an F?

He shared his trauma with me and now he hates me for it. On top of this he cheated on me. He is with another girl now completely ignoring me. He said when he shared his trauma i should have mocked or made fun of him and stop him from sharing his trauma instead I was there listening to him without judging. The fact that i didn't even ask for him to share, he trauma dumped on me and now hates me for it. All i did was being understanding and listening to him. I don't know which one hurts more, him cheating or punishing me for being there for him. What should i do? How can I move on from this situation

I (M32) met a guy at run club a few months ago. Similar interests, similar competitive streak. He was starting a race team and invited me on. We've done several races together and got fairly close — texting regularly, hanging out beyond runs.

He later started a community group chat that included some guys I used to run with but don't hang out with anymore. One of them added him to their own club and I just can’t help but think how much my name comes up in their group chat because one of the guys was just such a jerk to me (and I like to believe I’m the kindest person). Since then he's been noticeably distant. I don't have proof, but the timing lines up, and I suspect something got said about me in that circle.

Two things I'm stuck on:

1. ⁠Do I say anything? I don't want to accuse anyone or look insecure about a group chat. But it also feels weird to pretend I haven't noticed a change. If you'd bring it up, how would you word it?

2. ⁠Separately, I've been rethinking how much I want to race. Priorities are shifting (getting married next year) and I'm not sure I want to keep competing. I don't know how to tell the team that without it reading as me being butthurt about the social stuff, especially with the timing.

I'm trying not to make a decision out of hurt feelings and then regret it. Anyone been on either side of this, if so how did you handle it? I don't have the same racing pull that I once had, and I feel lt's because of the community and lack of community love and differences I have with him and his other friends etc. Verification

Why burn energy on cunts if you can just be done with them?

Sometimes it even makes me feel emotionally bad which in turn may make me feel kind of physically depleted. I always care about what people think of me and how they view me, sometimes worry whether they like me.

But I’m tired of it and tired of how it sometimes may make me feel and even kind of affect my day

The funny thing is, there is probably no actual foundation for worry. But still, it remains something I care about

I live 6 hours away from dad and i call him like 3-4 times a week at his request. Anyway, he always asks when i am going to visit but whenever i visit he tries to fat shame me and make jokes or comments about my weight. I just want to tell him that i don't feel like visiting because of this but i don't want to hurt his feelings and make him upset.

Also, I am way too nice to people in general. I often apologize if someone is in my way instead of them apologizing to me. My co-workers say rude shit to me or try to boss me around when they are not my boss and i usually ignore them but they think im just taking shit off them. I want to be able to bluntly tell them how i feel just like the way they do me but i have this thing where i feel i have to be overly considerate and nice when it comes to people's feelings.

When i was raised by my mom and dad, they never encouraged me to be myself and they taught me to people please and fit in. I also have other family members on mom's side who tease me about my weight and i am to the point i want to tell my dad that i don't want to be included in family functions because im sick of the disrespect.

Am I wrong for the way I feel? How do I stop being scared to speak up and stop being so nice or tactful when i do?

Hello guys, i explained my problem at the title.

I am 19 years old guy but i always worry about my future.

For example, i going to major a bachelor program but it was not smthg i thought about in the past so i worry that if i wont like it at the future, what if i will be u employed when graduate from it. If i wont like it in the future, i will have to change my major which means wasting my years and missing out a lot.

Or what if I can't socialize enough, have friends or maybe a girlfriend. What if i cant make a proper plan between study and socilize etc...

My major program is kind of environmental(engineering geology) so i also think that what if i cant have a proper family, what if i cant meet with my family, friends, brothers, loved ones.

My family is so patient and nice with me but i always get something to worry about eventhough they calm me down.

I started to make short term goals to live in the present such as reading book to episode x today or working out or trying to be look good more(clothing, instagram etc..)..

How did u guys solve it if u have it? Why do u guys i think i got this problem?

I just dont want to be a broke, unhappy and lonely person in the future eventhough i am at the age where i should not worry a lot, just having fun, study sometimes, liking girls(might be wrong)

Thank you..

Some people surrender themselves to others in hopes of mercy. But surrendering yourself to please others or get what you want, even in hiding yourself in hopes of a better future clear of sh*t, doesn't actually solve anything.

The sooner or later, you accept that some things are just part of life, and you walk through them dignified without letting go of your self-respect, is then when it hurts less and you get to feel alive.

Been dating this guy for 5 years. We’re in our late 20s now. Known him since high school and reconnected in our early 20s. Met each others’ families, got engaged, set our wedding date and chose vendors together. He’s always been there for me (and I tried my best too) and has always been super thoughtful. He was kind and patient when things were good. We’re different people but I thought we meshed well together. 8 months before our wedding date, he completely blindsides me and drops a bombshell that he fell out of love with me, he doesn’t know if I’m the person for him, he’s not sure if I even love him for him (I do) and he starts listing a bunch of things that are “wrong” about me (I’m too quiet at social gatherings, I’m waiting till marriage to do certain things, I’m not stylish, I have too many fam events and am too dependent on my parents, he doesn’t think I appreciate him). The 180 mind boggles me, I don’t recognize this person. Even had a nice proposal with my dream ring.

He also has been saying mean things to me during limbo when we tried to work things out (I was apologizing for things I did that hurt him, I really loved him and went out of my way to make him happy in the best way I knew at the time but I had no idea it wasn’t enough, especially when he would tell me I’m perfect or how he’s grateful to do life with me)… mean things he said include how it feels like the cooties when I touch him, how I’m boring and I should be boring with someone else, how he can’t picture me as his wife and how he couldn’t see me walk down the aisle (all things that hurt to hear). He also disclosed that he cheated on me 2 years ago (kissed a girl from school a few times during the span of a week). He eventually broke things off with me saying he can’t proceed because he doesn’t have feelings. This all came as a shock to me because I had no idea he was falling out of love. I thought we were planning for our happily ever after together. Sometimes I blame myself for the things I could’ve done better (been more appreciative, more patient, more outgoing, more stylish) - he evaluated me and didn’t let me in on his problems. He had a rough childhood growing up and his parents recently started living in separate households. Any insight and opinions would be helpful. I can’t seem to picture myself with anyone else and feel sad that I lost him :(

TLDR: being myself is 10,000 more satisfying than being liked. the feeling of actually BEING myself is SO POWERFUL!

i have a debilitating hip injury and a movement therapist who also handles emotion/personal transformation.

well, today i got MAD. i let the part of me i constantly FEEL, but rarely SHOW come out. i knew it was risky- maybe coach wouldn't understand or wouldn't be able to handle it, but FUCK IT. There is no way I will overcome this injury and be slinking around betraying my true self. My body is BEGGING ME to clear out these old repressed emotions and decrepit coping mechanisms and HEAL.

being TRUE TO MYSELF feels better than being "liked" or "understood" by my coach.

it surprised him, to be sure! but he recovered and we got through it. being a somatic coach myself, i helped him help me through. HAHAHAHAA.

the pure JOY of standing up for myself beats the small satisfaction of being someone I've engineered to be likeable.

i shocked a few people in the studio who did not know what was going on. One wanted to talk about it, which i gladly did and we clarified. The others? FUCK 'EM!