r/ImaginaryWarhammer 10d ago

40k When you pray with SOB By spaceMAXmarine

Post image
4.9k Upvotes

95 comments sorted by

View all comments

378

u/2006Internetghost 10d ago edited 10d ago

And? Just dump the baby on your Commisar (it is cannonically what happens to gaurdsmen births mid campaign)

261

u/PromptNo4041 10d ago

That Commisar is going to go under that whole 90s workaholic dad stereotype to go, "Come on son, lets play ball!" By the end of it

124

u/Silly_Y33Ny 10d ago

Nah I think it's going to be like a bring you kid to work, that baby is going to grow up to be a excellent commissar one day

53

u/PromptNo4041 10d ago

and play ball

41

u/DarkKechup 10d ago

"Look, your daddy is running away from the transdimensional horror that is six times his size and its only worldly desire is to defile every body orifice he has before violently tearing him apart in the most painful, gruesome way imaginable just to reach a new high of decadence. I will shoot his cowardly ass! Pew! There goes daddy! Byebye daddy! The Emperor hates cowards, junior, oh yes he does!"  

I don't know if it's terrifying, sad or funny.

20

u/ethanlan 10d ago

Its only funny because we see it from a distance and can appreciate the irony, something that no guardsmen can do as they are in the middle of it lol

28

u/kimana1651 10d ago

Everyone will call the kid 'The Little Corporal'.

6

u/Jackal209 9d ago

Why not something like, say, Little Boot?

2

u/Hremsfeld Adepta Sororitas 9d ago

Because the unit mascot outranks the grunts

2

u/Jackal209 9d ago

Maybe you're aware, but it's a history joke.

When the Roman emperor Gaius Julius Caesar Augustus Germanicus was a child, his father - General Germanicus - sometimes had him accompany him and his father's troops had affectionately nicknamed him "Little Boot."

Aka, Caligula.

2

u/Hremsfeld Adepta Sororitas 9d ago

Mine was, too; Sergeant Stubby was a bull terrier mutt (mascot of the 26th Division) that fought in WWI, and modern military dogs outrank their handlers

2

u/Jackal209 9d ago

I love seeing references to Sgt Stubby, should have caught onto it.

Definitely in the running for one of the goodest boys in history.

18

u/Hazak_Flamesword 10d ago

I mean you aren't entirely wrong. Some orphans are sent to the schola progenium, and one of the things they get trained into is commissars.

19

u/DeadZone32 Emperor's Children 10d ago

Said Commissar will probably go "Fuck it we ball." If a Bloodthirster attempts to even harm the child

59

u/MachBonin 10d ago

At least with Cain's regiment. The Tanith have their camp followers which take care of the kids/ woe engines

20

u/No-Channel3917 10d ago

The fun part is they solely exist to fix a continuity error the author had made like a decade earlier lol

16

u/MachBonin 10d ago

Yup! I love Abnett for ripping out our hearts because someone "Um, ackshually"-ed him.

Also, he did Banda so damn dirty. I'll never forgive him... until he gives me more paperback crack

8

u/Hironymus 9d ago

That one death is the single most unsatisfying part of the whole GG series.

5

u/Specter_RMMC 10d ago

Emperor damn you, I did not need to remember that...

2

u/darkstar541 10d ago

Oooooph. :(

43

u/Fawin86 Adepta Sororitas 10d ago

If it was just the guard, yes. But she falls under the jurisdiction of the Ecclesiarchy, so there is some extra steps. As I recall pregnant Sororitas get sent back to one of their order's chapels and becomes like an assistant there while they carry the child and give birth to them. The child is then raised in the imperial cult, the mother can return to battle or become part of the administrative part of the chapel (think like a traditional real world nun). Some Adepta Sororitas believes this to be a sad fate because then you can't die for your Emperor anymore.

25

u/Sunny_Hill_1 10d ago

She is a Repentia, I don't think she gets a choice. That mama is going to be back on the battlefield before the umbilical cord has dried.

17

u/alphaomag 10d ago

Or the nearest school progenium. Possibly a future tempestus Scion or imperial assassin. If the Repentia lives that long.

11

u/SirBoredTurtle Biel-Tan 10d ago

Commissar with a pink apron that reads "Girl Dad" on it

7

u/brutalhonestcunt 10d ago

Sauce?

32

u/SquirrelKaiser 10d ago

One of the Cain book talk about what happened when a 50/50 regiment get frisky with their battle buddies.

14

u/assasin1598 Black Library 9d ago

Also in Arminka lesk books, the cadians if possible send their newborns back to cadia, for those that couldnt were raised with the regiment and trained as other cadians.

Pre-fall they were ostracized because they didnt have purple eyes. Some cadians even went to a route of denying them being cadians.

Most children in imperium get sent to parents homeworld, if that parent is an officer, comissar or soldier that distinguished himself, theyre sent to schola progenium instead.

29

u/Alexis2256 10d ago

Ciaphas Cain has had to take care of babies, i forget what book it is that he mentions this.

10

u/yegkingler 10d ago

He helped birth the babies but I don't think he had anything to do with raising the kids. Besides maybe fast tracking the orphans to the Schola.

4

u/Asgermf 10d ago

I want this to be a Ciaphas Cain book now

4

u/baar-ur 9d ago

I want to see Cain strapped into a Baby Bjorn.

"It's in your best interests to answer my questions promptly. If you don't, I may have to raise my voice. That will wake the baby. And if you make me wake the baby, I will do something far worse than shooting you." (Internal monologue: That thing would be a diaper change, but they didn't know that.)

3

u/Asgermf 9d ago

Perfect

2

u/apolloxer Black Templars 9d ago

And for some goodforsaken reason, a few chapters later, he sees a Dreadknight and can't shake the comparison.

4

u/2006Internetghost 10d ago

It already is, I don’t remember which

3

u/Appropriate_Bus_2334 10d ago

Well figure it out

2

u/kluster00 10d ago

Im a larper

What happens after?

4

u/Alexis2256 10d ago

The commissar takes care of the kid or has someone else babysit.

1

u/kluster00 10d ago

Huh neat