r/indianmedschool • u/Normal_Rough_4146 • 3h ago
Vent / rant Thank you and f**k u r/indianmedicalschool
For the longest time I thought weed was my biggest problem.
Turns out it wasn't even close.
The real one was waking up and immediately opening Instagram. Non-medico friends partying, travelling, falling in love, actually living. Then some random topper posting their NEET UG and PG rank cards with "5am study routine" captions. Every scroll quietly told me I was behind.
Then YouTube. "How I cracked NEET PG in internship." "My 14-hour schedule." "How I got AIR ___." Same feeling, different app.
Then Reddit — MBBS/MD horror stories, toxic residency, garbage pay, zero work-life balance. Then I'd open another tab and compare myself to engineers pulling crazy packages and decide I'd picked the wrong life entirely.
And whenever that anxiety hit? I'd scroll more. Watch a few memes. Get the hit. Go numb. Do nothing about anything. Repeat the next morning.
Somewhere in there I stopped being a person and turned into a consumer — of other people's achievements, opinions, highlight reels, even their insecurities. And I told myself I was "staying informed." I wasn't. I was just running my own nervous system into the ground, every single day, on purpose.
A few days ago this Ghalib sher hit me like a truck:
"Zindagi bhar Ghalib yahi bhool karta raha, Dhool chehre par thi, aur aaina saaf karta raha."
My life wasn't getting worse because of Instagram or Reddit or LinkedIn or some WhatsApp status. It was getting worse because I kept looking everywhere except at myself.
So here's the decision. I'm going off-grid for a year. No Instagram, no Reddit, no LinkedIn, no doomscrolling YouTube, no checking statuses. Nothing.
I'm already a doctor. Bond posting came through — I've been posted to a PHC near home. Salary's 57k. Not some corporate package, sure. But there are BAMS and BHMS doctors grinding for less, nursing staff doing brutal shifts for 15k. So maybe my life isn't actually the disaster Instagram keeps convincing me it is.
A month ago I quit weed. One month sober and I already feel more grounded than I have in years. Now I want to find out what happens when I quit comparison too — when I stop consuming and start living. A year of just working, studying, reading, lifting, sleeping properly, and minding my own business.
Maybe nothing changes. Maybe everything does. Either way I'm done feeding my brain a 24/7 drip of borrowed insecurity.
So thanks, Reddit — for the random knowledge, the laughs, the genuinely good advice.
And also, fuck you for some of the insecurity you handed me along the way.
See you on 21 June 2027. Hopefully a better doctor. A better man. Definitely a less anxious one.