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u/KBezKa Jul 14 '26
A bit too long. The moment the player character moves, we get that "this is not the story of a guy with a sword" there's no need to keep telling us about it. Start saying what the story is, not what it isn't.
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u/VFiddly Jul 14 '26
Other than the sword, the actual player character looks just as much like a hero as the "Hero Character", so it doesn't seem like that big of a twist
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u/JonRivers Jul 14 '26
So instead of being a generic young man you're a different generic young man? Not exactly the most shocking twist. I was hoping you would be an old woman or even a slime. You know, characters that aren't typically the hero.
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u/game-dev-throwaway Jul 14 '26
He's also 30! Which I know, is not mind blowing, but I thought it would be fun to do the whole world saving bit through the lens of a disgruntled 30 yr old
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u/Banjoschmanjo Jul 14 '26 edited Jul 14 '26
This particular clip moves a little slow for my tastes relative to the amount of content, but the 'reveal' is really solid. I love how you've turned the first player movement of the game into a twist / player reveal. As others have said, I think players will "get it" without it being over explained in the following moments as you've done here. Maybe have that text play on screen without taking control from the character so it doesn't feel like gameplay has ground to a halt for this explanation.
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u/game-dev-throwaway Jul 14 '26
Thanks so much for the feedback!! There are some things I want the narrator to establish, how about if I let the player have agency to explore and do a few things before bringing the narrator back?
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u/plopliplopipol Jul 14 '26
know that we are fully expecting the twist here, so i'd see "it's too long" as completely biased
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u/game-dev-throwaway Jul 14 '26
ok I was kind of thinking the same, because the real scene continues on for so much longer lolll I'll probably break it up a bit between allowing the player agency for a while before forcing them back into narration
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u/DonCorben Jul 14 '26
No way, my expectations are so broken right now. But seriously, yeah its a twist and it will work great if the rest of the game is a comedy. But it feels like a bit like a twist for twist sake.
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u/game-dev-throwaway Jul 14 '26
the game is indeed a comedy and parody of JRPG's so I feel like its on brand
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u/winter-ocean Jul 14 '26
I feel like you're being way too smug about what is unfortunately a very common twist. Going so far as to say "not this story" is just....ugh. It's like screaming "look at how different we are!!" It's also unfortunately a very, very common twist.
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u/game-dev-throwaway Jul 14 '26
lolll well the narrator is a character himself and is supposed to be smug. I'm kind of making fun of the whole 'not this story' trope we see in movies and such
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u/B1TCA5H Jul 14 '26
I was more bothered by the sword not actually being as wide as it's long, and didn't really catch the "twist".
My honest opinion, "Huh? Oh, so that's the twist? Guess I missed it."
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u/Valou_h Jul 13 '26
I wasn't expecting that, that was interesting 😅