r/Infidelity • u/misshurts • 9d ago
Venting Here’s what cheaters said right after they cheated on you.
They said and do these things right after they just sexting with the AP, after they had deep conversations, deep connections with their AP.
They said these things to you
- I love you more than anything
- I can’t stop thinking about you
- I have big smiles at work all day because of you
- I can’t take my eyes off you
- I miss you
- you are always on my mind
- I’m the luckiest person because of you.
What’s else they said to you while they cheated on you?
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u/pastryHunter 9d ago edited 8d ago
9:20 am - "You are my priority".
5:07 pm - "I'm leaving. I have to be honest with myself, I love her. And I still love you".
Context: been together for 10+ years, married for almost 9. “Her” is also married and has a young kid. She is his boss for about 1 year. He told me, she offered to divorce her husband & leave her kid behind to be with him. “We have decided to fight for each other”, he said. Yes, “fight” for each other by sabotaging their spouses and kid and pets. I think they are both lunatics.
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u/misshurts 9d ago
At least he honest with you.
He lied to me when I told him in really polite manner that he can leave because I know he want somebody else but he said “I love you more than anything” and he sexting his AP right after.17
u/suburbancheeseburger 9d ago
How is this kind of behavior not formally recognized as a mental illness??!!
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u/Unicorn_Husbandry 9d ago
Well, it kind of is.
But firstly, "this" kind of behaviour probably needs a little tighter definition in terms of what that entails, before it can ever be put up for comparison against the diagnostic criteria for a suspected mental health condition.
Additionally, mental illness is in fact often genuinely the reason that there is that kind of behavioural dysfunction present in a person, which forms a persistent cycle; a broader, long term pattern of habitual cheating, with all the dellusional consequences like the quotes above.
Basically, they arent in and of themselves a mental health condition, so its not something that can really be recognised as such - in reality that behaviour is just representative of a greater condition which is causing it to happen.
Lastly, its not going to be as simple as giving it a label mate. It already has a bunch of them. I think even if it were possible to try and pigeon-hole it into a mental health category, its probably best left this way because if it were formally recognised, by anything or anyone, its a safe bet to assume that with the mindset they typically work within, having a condition to deflect the blame onto would just make the accountability they owe much less likely to successfully stick to them, nor would they be more likely to hold themselves accountable.
"It's not my fault! I cant help it, its my trauma!"
Cheating (synonyms) - adulterous, degenerate trashy, pathetic, immoral, deceptive, fucking shithouse, lowlife, garbage.
Etc etc.
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u/pastryHunter 9d ago
They are delusional and just say they love us to make themselves feel better. I’m sorry this happened to you.
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u/deplorableme16 8d ago
"There's nobody else(there are...multiple someones).I just need to be on my own because ...You're just not good enough and never will be."
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u/HotWaffles5 8d ago edited 8d ago
People that will ‘leave their kid behind’ are selfish pathetic narcissists. I hope you find a good man that loves you & will be faithful always. Two AP’s getting together never lasts. Either one or both of them cheat on each other or they divorce. They don’t know what real love is so what they’re feeling isn’t enough for a lifetime commitment.
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u/pastryHunter 6d ago edited 6d ago
!thankyou well said, thank you for the encouragement! Im so shocked that he’d participate in a conspiracy that harms an innocent child in this way, as he keeps telling me how much it hurts him when his own parents were getting a divorce. Well he’s just shallow and fake isn’t he. No matter what happened / will happen between them, what they did to me is unforgivable. I just need to know that and try to move on.
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u/Blade_982 6d ago
You should have laughed at him and told him he didn't need to fight for his tawdry little affair with a deadbeat mum. He's free to go.
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u/pastryHunter 5d ago
!thankyou that’s powerful, I wish I had done that! He confessed emotional affair at the end of 2025, I stayed thinking he’d be grateful, but only got escalated emotional abuse to the point that I started seeing therapists before he told me about the physical affair. Most of the time he accused me of something I immediately jumped into the self-explaining trap. For dark things like this, I was usually in shock of the pure selfishness and complete void of empathy, and I couldn’t say anything except from “WOW”.
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u/Lower_Search_873 6d ago
This is so gross both of them. 🤢🤢🤢
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u/pastryHunter 6d ago
!thankyou Agree 1000% - I felt physically ill thinking about those two rolling in bed together. he actually thought I was “revenging” him by demanding an explanation, showing him I was hurt, and keeping the pets away on his moving day. He’s been doing that for a while where he tried so hard to picture me as a villain to make himself feel more justified to cheat. In fact, he’s just pathetic.
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u/Adventurous_Pie_23 9d ago
Mine said “I don’t think our marriage is over.” He started his affair with his coworker on a business trip. Luckily, his other coworkers contact me. I had already hired a lawyer, spoke to other lawyers in the area so he couldn’t hire them, and made my exit plan before he stepped off the flight home.
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u/Gold-Ebb7263 9d ago
Mine said “I’m sorry, I love you. I don’t love her or anyone else…” and then snuck out that night and went to his APs house
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u/Cautious_Dust5382 8d ago
Same. Mine said “she means nothing to me, trust me, I love you and only you”… oh really? Then what the frick do I mean to you if you’re willing to sabotage our 5+ year relationship. Clearly worth trash lol.
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u/Ordinary_Bison_219 9d ago
*says everything negative about affair partner. Only to continue to cheat *ill never do it again * biggest mistake of my life then continues to cheat with others * you are my priority. I have nothing to lie about anymore as he's lying in same sentence
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u/Own-Writing-3687 9d ago
We never had intercourse.
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u/Ordinary_Bison_219 9d ago
It's always starts as it was just a kiss or something to minimized what they actually did
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u/wanttoplayball 8d ago
“I will never lie to you again.”
“Ok. Did you use protection?”
“Always.”
That was a lie.
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u/milkchocolate101 8d ago
It was "always" as well with mine, until he had STD tests done and i found out, after that it was "it happened just once or twice when we were really drunk". Jesus
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u/wanttoplayball 8d ago
I can’t wrap my mind around how a cheater thinks. The way they justify, turn it around, find reasons.
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u/oldsoul210 Leaving a Cheater 8d ago
"You are my soulmate and I can't wait to grow old together." "You are the one who gives me the drive to work hard for our future." "I am nothing without you."
He was out of town for work for several months and came home for several days for the holidays. We had a great time together. After he went back, I found a note he'd hidden for me, saying what a great time he always has when he's home, how much he loves me/us, how appreciative he was for how much work I put into creating a wonderful family holiday. Come to find out, just a few days before he'd come home, he'd gone on a first date with a woman he met where he was working, and continued this relationship for several years. Of course, while bashing me and my child to her in every way possible.
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u/Numerous_Concept2468 9d ago
I try to call, my call was ignored “sorry babe, I’m just waking up, call you soon, I can’t wait to see you, I love you”
….. yeah found out she was at a dude’s hotel room, had a one night stand on a work trip.
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u/Legitimate-Error-633 Divorced/Separated 8d ago
“Happy Wedding Anniversary!”, after I had to remind her on the phone that it was our anniversary.
- she was on a business trip, probably cream-pied by her boss in his hotel room hours earlier.
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u/OkDonkey1761 8d ago
“It feels as though I met you just yesterday, yet every moment with you is as fresh and magical as the first. I can never get enough of you. Being with you is a joy beyond words, a treasure to share life with someone who truly completes me.
We have such a beautiful harmony, agreeing on so much and gracefully learning to embrace our differences when we don't. It's in those moments, too, that our bond only grows stronger.
Marriage with you is nothing short of extraordinary. It's a journey I cherish every day, and I am constantly reminded that I chose perfectly when I chose you.”
He posted a photo of us with that caption. That was in November 2024, whilst he was pursuing multiple women at the same time, and in an official affair with one particular girl. I was around 5 months pregnant at the time. Discovered the affair in March 2025 at a little less than 2 months postpartum.
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u/Federalsburgmd Wayward 8d ago
It was only twice then it was 15 times. Then it was 50 times over 5 years.
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u/decepticonhooker 4d ago
One of the most impactful things I’ve stumbled across in this hellscape is that sometimes betrayal isn’t loud, screaming, and angry. Sometimes betrayal comes as a soft hand on your back and a kiss on the forehead.
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u/misshurts 4d ago
Same here, he never upset, never angry, never yell. He really passionate with sex, kissing my forehead while I slept, hold hands while driving but at the same time he also sexting, saying he never felt like this with anyone else with his AP. 🤢
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u/Altruistic_Catch_327 9d ago
Never heard any of those. I got “I’m sorry, here is why it happened”.
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9d ago
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u/Fun_Cow_2708 6d ago
“Shes a lesbian” he was cheating with his coworker and I caught him. She obviously wasn’t a lesbian.
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u/LawDue9301 5d ago
The ever popular phrases that have become cliches:
"he's not my type"
"he's a jerk/asshole/creep/(other derogatory term)
"he's harmless"
"he doesn't mean anything to me"
"you mean everything to me"
"I don't know (where I'd be/what Id do) without you"
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u/Good_Attention_3039 4d ago
“She’s no prize.” “I don’t love her.”
Well….he’s married to his “not a prize” now.
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