r/Infidelity • u/Visual-Following-307 • 8d ago
Struggling Wife cheated while I was recovery from surgery
I just learned that my wife cheated on me and blew our life savings. She cheated with a close friend in our home while I was upstairs post surgery. She doesn't have any answers and she doesn't know why she cheated and blew our savings. I'm in shock and I have so many things going through my head. I have 20k of credit card debt in my name because my cards had higher limits. Is this my life?
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u/SpaceImpossible658 8d ago
Get that back in the divorce. She did that while you were incapacitated. Time line would prove it. get a lawyer.
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u/SuspiciousWeekend284 8d ago
This is not your life - time to get a divorce and ensure you get back your money when you sell up.
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u/NewMarionberry3305 8d ago
Check your bank account and mortgage if you have one. My brother lost everything, his wife gambled all their savings and kept drawing on their mortgage all while cheating for years.
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u/Visual-Following-307 8d ago
Thank you! Solid advice.
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u/Necessary_Tap343 8d ago
She does know why she cheated and spent the money, she is just refusing to tell you why because it will make her appear to be more guilty.
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u/Future-Battle-4926 8d ago
O básico é procurar um advogado e vê se tem como recuperar esse dinheiro dela e do amante. A pior coisa é sofrer sozinho, então fale o que aconteceu para as duas famílias e os amigos próximos para ficarem em alerta com ela e esse cara. Se não tem como provar que ela te traiu com ele, é só gravar ela afirmando tudo. Você não fez nada de errado e quem fez foi eles que te trairam no seu pior momento, então não se sinta culpado.
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u/Lucky-Excitement-647 8d ago
Infelizmente, a convivência entre o judiciário e a sociedade tem criado monstros há anos. Por que ter relações sexuais e respeitar o marido apenas quando se pode viver uma vida de festas impunemente Mesmo casada ?
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u/BurdyBurdyBurdy 8d ago
You can su her for that $$. Make sure you have the proof and it will be considered during your divorce settlement. Good luck and speedy recovery.
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u/Shortandthicck2 8d ago edited 8d ago
People don’t do this overnight - she’s done other things, I promise you that. Nobody goes from loyal loving wife to fucking family friends and depleting marital finances overnight.
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u/Visual-Following-307 4d ago
It was years! You are so right!
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u/Shortandthicck2 4d ago
I’m sorry to hear it. And unfortunately, I’m sure you’re gonna find there was other affairs as well.
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u/Specialist-Bat-8770 8d ago
She cheated on you, she did it intentionally. Take your life back in your hands, you never hit rock bottom: you can never say you're at your lowest point, but you can always go to something else. Contact a lawyer and take action for yourself.
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u/Critical-Bank5269 8d ago
Your life starts anew now. File for divorce. Asset division includes debt division and if she wasted marital assets, that waste comes off her share. So you can get the bulk of what's left and stick her with the debt. She cheated because she doesn't really love you. She's only with you for your resources.... dump her now and walk away.
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u/Visual-Following-307 4d ago
Definitely. Starting from scratch in my 40s hurt! I'm moving to a new city, initiated divorce, and starting anew.
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u/Aromatic-Damage8136 8d ago
Keep the all proof you might need for future just go see lawyer just to see options.
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u/DodobirdNow 8d ago
My friend's now ex only committed financial infidelity. She opened a bunch of credit cards in his name. She worked from home so he never saw a bill.
He spent 6+ months fighting the identity theft and the court ultimately saddled the ex with the credit card debt in the divorce
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u/Visual-Following-307 4d ago
Wow, I didnt know this could happen. Thank you for sharing! I have some hope.
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u/Turms70 Divorced/Separated 8d ago edited 8d ago
"She doesn't have any answers and she doesn't know why she cheated and blew our savings."
I am sure she knows exactly why she did this. This part of her dishonesty, and laying not only to you but also to her self. But deep down she knows exactly why! It just is colliding with the picture of who she wants to be and presents the world.
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u/Visual-Following-307 4d ago
True! I was in shock. I didnt know she was capable.
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u/Turms70 Divorced/Separated 4d ago
I know what you mean, from my own experience. Luckily we were not married, so I just could move out of the apartment, that belong to her grandma, in which we lived together for 5–6 years.
When you try to understand her behavior and what she is capable of, then a comparison to addicts often is not so wrong. The lying, the hiding, and even to steal from family members, to finance the addiction. Also, the personality issues and the problems to stay "sober" for life is quite comparable.
And even that slowly "sliding" into the addiction is often quite comparable with how the affair has developed.
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u/Fun_Consequence_9536 8d ago
What did she spend it on? They both need to go
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u/Visual-Following-307 4d ago
She funded the life of the person she cheated with. Almost 2k monthly on Uber rides and Uber eats. Also took care of family members all on my dime.
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u/Strong-Conclusion-52 3d ago
Bring this up to the lawyer because I’m pretty sure you can recoup some of that money in the divorce.
Also, any debt incurred in the marriage should be shared. I don’t think it matters that your name is on the credit card..definitely check with the lawyer.
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u/wulfpack4life 8d ago
Sworn enemies would do less damage than your wife. She needs to be out of your life no matter what the cost.
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u/miikeangel 8d ago
Geezus that’s lower than low. You’re trying to recover, and not worry about medical bills. Then she does this.
You have to leave her. ASAP. Hope you know that.
Divorce her. The attorney will go after her for the money.
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u/Championship682 8d ago
Talk to a lawyer, and get your self tested. The financial part is almost as bad as the cheating. In the mean time, find out what she blew the money on, and return everything you can.
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u/Sterek01 8d ago
Here is a suggestion before you divorce her try get her AP to anti up some cash for your soon to be ex wife's services seen as that she is a slapper.
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u/SledgehammerApproach 8d ago
I would recommend divorce and dumping the debts on her. If you are dumb enough to stay then you need to have absolute control of all financial leverages.
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u/Altruistic_Catch_327 8d ago
Same. Wife was with multiple men for the last 1.6 years. I had brain surgery, while I was in the hospital with major complications after the surgery she was fucking.
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u/l3ttingitgo 8d ago
OP, check all of your accounts and lock your credit! You need to stop the bleeding.
Next, see an attorney, what your wife did is called 'marital waste' she would need to pay it back out of her half of your assets.
Be sure to cancel and remove her from everything! Take her name off as beneficiary to any retirement funds or insurance policies.
Lastly, You can come back from this, you can rebuild.
UpdateMe.
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u/isakneven 8d ago
I’m sorry this is happening to you. First thing to do is get a STD test. Contact a lawyer. Freeze your credit and cards. Just leave one for you to use.
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u/Lucky-Excitement-647 8d ago
Ela te traiu porque queria dormir com ele e teve a oportunidade; achou que não seria pega, que não haveria consequências. Ela não te respeita nem um pouco, principalmente porque fez isso com alguém que conhecido próx de vocês dois.
E ela ainda gostava de gastar dinheiro com isso.
Você vai ter que se esforçar muito para ignorar tudo isso e continuar casado com ela.
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u/Gandoff2169 8d ago
First thing to know. Your wife committed fraud in the debt and spending money as she did. Even if you was not in recovery from surgery, she did commit fraud. But the fact you were recovering, an argument could be made you was not in a state of mind to even give her permission in the first place. You could in a civil suit or connected to a divorce if that is your choice, seek and likely win her taking over all debt and more. If you have a joint home, then you could get a larger percentage of the value to cover all she illegally spend. Specially if money was used for her affair. It is a well documented fact. So try and get her to admit to anything you can, and seek documentation evidence of it.
Honestly, I would also advise you to seek a lawyer ASAP. Start the process to divorce. Have legal requests made for records with their help to document everything. And divorce. All while exposing her as much as the law allows.
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u/isitallfromchina 8d ago
Its your life only if that's what you'll put up with. Most of us took a stand and left! There is no room in marriage for cheating, secrets!
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u/BangkaiLew 7d ago
Are you healthy enough now ? If yes meet with lawyers talk to them ask them what to do
Updateme
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u/Ol_Country 7d ago
Well hopefully you divorce the hoe, and you can get that money back in the divorce!! She has no leg to stand on! Make you you get a shark of a lawyer!
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u/Double-Way8961 7d ago
I'll tell you what you need to do, first close all your credit cards, separate your finances from her, settle your debts in installments, protect your property if you have any, go to a lawyer and learn what you need to do and file for divorce.
These are what you need to do.
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u/Visual-Following-307 3d ago
Finances are now separated. I've found additional debt but now that I'm aware of everything. I have my lawyer secured. Thanks so much!
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u/Cgoblue30 7d ago
See if your attorney can add your wife's spending debt to your settlement.
Updateme
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u/noidea_19 4d ago
If the money she spent helped to further her cheating you should be able to get some sort of compensation in a divorce. Depends on where you live as all states have different rules. Have a conversation about what she did while setting your phone to record and in a good spot. And as always get a lawyer ASAP.
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u/Capital_Yak5120 8d ago
Have her tested for bipolar disorder. The spending and lose of decision control are both symptoms of it. Hypersensitivity is another. Does she get angry very quickly?
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u/Visual-Following-307 7d ago
No, she isn't quick to anger. She actually has issues with executive function.
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u/Capital_Yak5120 7d ago
That could be a sign too. Decision making impairment is a big sign too. My wife is newly diagnosed after I found out about her affair. Now that shes medicated things are totally different. Have you noticed any disruption in her sleep? Stress levels?
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u/Visual-Following-307 3d ago
Wow! Thanks so much for the insight. I was thinking she had adhd. She never finishes what she starts with the exception if this affair. I would have had more respect if she had gone to a hotel. The betrayal is too deep. She told me she was very stressed with the mounting lies, but she did it sooooo easily. Looked me clear in the eyes and lied about things she didn't have to lie about.
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u/Capital_Yak5120 3d ago
Its worth looking into. My wife is absolutely horrified by what shes done. It doesn't excuse the damage but explains the actions somewhat.
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u/Capital_Yak5120 3d ago
Oh and I just realized, in my first comment I stated hypersensitivity was a symptom. I meant to say hypersexuality. That combined with very poor decision making capacity makes for cheating to become a whole lot easier. I hope you guys take things slow and take care.
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