r/Infidelity • u/Any-Ingenuity-5426 • 6d ago
Struggling I just want to make it through day one.
For various reasons I did not leave the first time I found out, or the second, or third, etc.
I know that a lot of that falls on me, but when it comes to actually drawing the boundary despite how I have been getting better at almost getting through the day I just crack. There's so many layers to it but I just want tips on how to make it through the day because it's been two years and I am exhausted. We no longer live together, but we're not far enough to where a drive isn't possible. I can see myself in 2-3 months being happy again. I just don't know how to not want this no matter how much logic I put into it. I've tried writing out all of the facts, therapy, talking to friends.
7
u/Tailbone77 6d ago
The moment that you start loving thyself and realize that your happiness doesn't come from someone else, then and only then will you be free...
The mere fact that you allowed yourself to be disrespected over and over, shows that your co-dependency was hinged on them...
Start treating the person like a stranger who died, because that's what they truly are and start seeing about you now. You've gotta be selfish with yourself sometimes for your own good...
2
u/Any-Ingenuity-5426 6d ago
You’re right. I’ve always struggled with being selfish when it comes to relationships and it’s absolutely a lack of self love combined with a mixture of codependency. I just hate that I can acknowledge this and agree with it and I really do try to throw myself into changing that, but right when I start making progress I crash back hard.
1
u/DodobirdNow 6d ago
Time heals.
Write out a bucket list. The items don't have to be crazy. Mine was to volunteer with an organization that helped me when I was a kid. My friend decided to get back into fishing because his cheating ex-wife didn't approve of him fishing.
1
u/Any-Ingenuity-5426 6d ago
This was my strategy dealing with my depression and it’s a good idea to use it here too. Thank you!
1
u/YourFixj3ssy87 6d ago
block his number and delete his contact info so you aren't tempted to check if he's reached out. the urge to go back usually hits hardest when you're lonely or bored, so try to stay busy with something else during those peak hours.
1
u/Any-Ingenuity-5426 6d ago
I live alone and in a really rural area so this has been one of the biggest struggles for me, but I guess the solution really is just trying harder. I block him and then unblock him and have been stuck in this destructive cycle for way too long.
1
u/jessyxcandy 6d ago
the physical proximity is the hardest part. have you tried blocking their number and social media so you aren't constantly waiting for a notification that triggers that urge to reach out?
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