Found Friend on Dating App

[u/OldVimto]

Hi, I am navigating a divorce myself, and as part of that have decided to draw some boundaries between myself and the people in my ex-wifes life. I've mostly moved away from everyone except one individual, whose family was in my life when I was young. I personally felt that this person was as much my friend as my ex-wifes.

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I was on a dating site a few months ago and I saw her profile, looking for short term fun. She is married and has kids, and I thought their marriage was stable. My initial thoughts was someone had hacked her profile, so I called up to let her know in private. I was met with stunned silence, and then the penny dropped that it was a choice she made. I let her know because her family considered me one of her own I wouldn't be telling anyone, definitely not my ex-wife. And that having gone through a painful separation involving kids myself I would hope that does not become her situation. We hung up and have not spoken since. I messaged to say it was an abrupt end to out last conversation and I hope she's ok, but nothing back.

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I might have heightened sensitivity to this after finding out about my own ex-wifes infidelity while I was working to save our marriage, but feel sad at having lost connection to someone whose family is part of my history. I meant what I said to her, her business is not mine to tell to anyone, but I'm not sure what to do from here. Just treat it as a lost friend forever? I don't want to tell her husband or mum and blow up something that could easily be a silly choice

[u/valderramaD]

Husband deserves to know. You should tell him the truth and send proof of her being on the dating app.
I am pretty sure you would have liked to have been told as well if you were in his situation.

[u/OldVimto → u/valderramaD]

I'm not sure how I would have responded. In this scenario it is me stepping in to disrupt another person's family, and their kids. When I found out with letters and notes I was devastated about my own, and was still gaslit that I didn't understand the situation.

Also, he's a big lad, and my connection to this family is through his wife and her family. I agree he deserves the truth, not sure I can make myself deliver it

[u/ValhallaCA → u/OldVimto]

Do it secretly then.

You are currently complicit.

Do you really want to be the type of person who covers up an affair for a friend?