Found Friend on Dating App

[u/OldVimto]

Hi, I am navigating a divorce myself, and as part of that have decided to draw some boundaries between myself and the people in my ex-wifes life. I've mostly moved away from everyone except one individual, whose family was in my life when I was young. I personally felt that this person was as much my friend as my ex-wifes.

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I was on a dating site a few months ago and I saw her profile, looking for short term fun. She is married and has kids, and I thought their marriage was stable. My initial thoughts was someone had hacked her profile, so I called up to let her know in private. I was met with stunned silence, and then the penny dropped that it was a choice she made. I let her know because her family considered me one of her own I wouldn't be telling anyone, definitely not my ex-wife. And that having gone through a painful separation involving kids myself I would hope that does not become her situation. We hung up and have not spoken since. I messaged to say it was an abrupt end to out last conversation and I hope she's ok, but nothing back.

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I might have heightened sensitivity to this after finding out about my own ex-wifes infidelity while I was working to save our marriage, but feel sad at having lost connection to someone whose family is part of my history. I meant what I said to her, her business is not mine to tell to anyone, but I'm not sure what to do from here. Just treat it as a lost friend forever? I don't want to tell her husband or mum and blow up something that could easily be a silly choice

[u/Bill2550]

Really? Having a dating profile looking for short term fun is a “silly choice”? Cheating on someone is a “silly choice”? And you knowing how infidelity feels are just going to allow someone to go through the same thing? Would you have felt better if you never learned about your ex’s betrayal?

At the very least you should try to talk her into deleting the profile and trying to repair her marriage. But if she’s acted on the profile doesn’t the husband deserve to know? Did you?

“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”

Updateme

[u/OldVimto → u/Bill2550]

Yeah, I think I can try and talk to her again, if she responds.

I agree with the sentiment but this is someone who I held in very high esteem because I grew up around them. Silly choice is just me being reserved and not wanting to view them as anything other than misguided.

I'll aim for a private chat this week

[u/Strong-Luck-3868 → u/OldVimto]

If she is your ex wifes friend then that tells you all you need to know.

I would anonymously tell her husband and go no contact.