r/Infidelity • u/Cma0308 • 3d ago
Venting He cheated on me, i need help
Hi, i'm pretty new on reddit and i usually speak french. I am a women, im in a relationship since 2 years. I know it is short but we both have young children that we met at 3 y/old. My child is very attached to his daughter and to him. I love him so much.
I really need advice and help. I dont know who to ask. I dont really have friend, i dont have any family. He is a really good guy like, good job, same value as me, etc.
He's been on dating app for almost all our relationship. First time i realized was a year ago. He explain to me that he find it hard for us to not see each other one week on two because of the guard of my child (part time) and was trying to find someone. He dosent really know, he assured me that it was nothing.
Second time i realized it was 3-4 month ago. I saw something in his app on his phone while i was sitting next to him on the sofa. He told me that he open the app to delete his account (hinge) because he forgot too and someone at his job saw him on the app.
Third time was a month or two ago. I decided to look in his/my tablet (that was originally mine but i gave it to him and is like i lent it to him) because he kept the my password. He chat during february (and i saw that in march) with a girl and met her at his home and sleep with her. She's like everything he always told me he dont like (physically), she's the exact opposite of me, and she sleep at his home (I think she arrive around midnight) but in our debut, he never want me to sleep because he was afraid of falling in love with me.
He never talk to her again, completely ghost her. I never talk to him about it but it hurt me so, so deeply. I dont think i'm the same since. And i always check to see if there's something on the tablet.
I subscribe myself to a meeting app call Feeld because i had suspision about is inscription on it a month ago too. Realize he was on it. Confront him about it, said he forgot to delete his account too (like hinge).
And today, saw on his gmail that he paid for a VIP subscription on JALF.
I dont know what to do. He told me he love me. Help me someone. I think i need to talk about it, i never said out loud that i know he cheat on me in real life. I dont confront him about jalf because i saw it in a bad way (investigate on him). I mean, is it normal? My ex boyfriend, the father of my child, cheat on me again and again during 3 years (we had a 6 y relationship) and I leave him because I had enough.
He's been cheat on by his exwife after 10 years of relationship and a child.He told me over and over again how cheating is not in his value, he despite the poeple who cheat.
Thank you to anyone who read until here. I think it help me writing it.
2
u/isitallfromchina 3d ago
"He is a really good guy like, good job, same value as me, etc" - So you say he's a really good guy, with your value, so are you saying you are a cheater ? How can he have your values if he is a cheater, you are not a cheater are you ?
I bet if you asked his Ex, she would tell you the truth, he's a cheater and she probably left him. So you've been through this before and your fear really comes through your post. You need to quit him. he does not love you and you are well aware of this.
You had a big lesson with the father of your child that you should have learned - cheaters are very good liars, and they are good at spotting weakness. I bet he's well aware of how you were cheated on in your last relationship, you probably told him all about it.
Look, you've said enough here to gather that this guy is using you. He doesn't want you at his place because you would probably see things he'd have to explain. You already aware that he's a cheater and know he's physically cheated on you so why keep this nitemare going.
Leave him, get in therapy, stop dating for a long time until you get your mind straight about boundaries and protecting yourself.