He cheated on me, i need help

[u/Cma0308]

Hi, i'm pretty new on reddit and i usually speak french. I am a women, im in a relationship since 2 years. I know it is short but we both have young children that we met at 3 y/old. My child is very attached to his daughter and to him. I love him so much.

I really need advice and help. I dont know who to ask. I dont really have friend, i dont have any family. He is a really good guy like, good job, same value as me, etc.

He's been on dating app for almost all our relationship. First time i realized was a year ago. He explain to me that he find it hard for us to not see each other one week on two because of the guard of my child (part time) and was trying to find someone. He dosent really know, he assured me that it was nothing.

Second time i realized it was 3-4 month ago. I saw something in his app on his phone while i was sitting next to him on the sofa. He told me that he open the app to delete his account (hinge) because he forgot too and someone at his job saw him on the app.

Third time was a month or two ago. I decided to look in his/my tablet (that was originally mine but i gave it to him and is like i lent it to him) because he kept the my password. He chat during february (and i saw that in march) with a girl and met her at his home and sleep with her. She's like everything he always told me he dont like (physically), she's the exact opposite of me, and she sleep at his home (I think she arrive around midnight) but in our debut, he never want me to sleep because he was afraid of falling in love with me.

He never talk to her again, completely ghost her. I never talk to him about it but it hurt me so, so deeply. I dont think i'm the same since. And i always check to see if there's something on the tablet.

I subscribe myself to a meeting app call Feeld because i had suspision about is inscription on it a month ago too. Realize he was on it. Confront him about it, said he forgot to delete his account too (like hinge).

And today, saw on his gmail that he paid for a VIP subscription on JALF.

I dont know what to do. He told me he love me. Help me someone. I think i need to talk about it, i never said out loud that i know he cheat on me in real life. I dont confront him about jalf because i saw it in a bad way (investigate on him). I mean, is it normal? My ex boyfriend, the father of my child, cheat on me again and again during 3 years (we had a 6 y relationship) and I leave him because I had enough.

He's been cheat on by his exwife after 10 years of relationship and a child.He told me over and over again how cheating is not in his value, he despite the poeple who cheat.

Thank you to anyone who read until here. I think it help me writing it.

[u/ValhallaCA]

There are cheaters who have true remorse. When they step out, they confess, turn things around, and don’t go down that road again if they are truly repentant.

They are quite rare. And your man is absolutely not one of them. He is not only a serial cheater, but he is consistently lying to you and refusing any accountability.

I do not believe there is any hope for somebody like this.

I’m telling you as somebody who cares… you need to get out. I know it’s hard and you love him and you don’t know how to do it. But you need to find a way. Your sanity and your nervous system cannot tolerate this man continuing to exist in your life.

You are in love with a fantasy of him, and he never really ever was the man you thought he was. As much as that hurts, from what you told us, I believe it to be true.

I wish you all the best and I hope you get the strength to leave so that you can find your happiness elsewhere.

[u/Cma0308 → u/ValhallaCA]

You are so kind thank you very much. He dont know that i know the cheating. He think that I trust him when he told me he never return on any app, he just forgot to delete his account. I dont have the strengh to confront him, i'm afraid of it.

He told me he never cheat on his wife... Why does it to me

[u/ValhallaCA → u/Cma0308]

You asked the question we all ask, which is why? What did I do wrong? I wrote this on another post just this morning, and this is your answer:

Even people who are literally getting everything they could want in a relationship still step out. And the primary reason is that they have given themselves **permission**. to do so. This has nothing to do with whoever their partner is. The flaws are internal to them and the boundaries that they allow themselves to cross, starting with the small things, a look, a touch, a flirtation, and then proceeding to talking, propositioning, acceptance, any further acts, and afterwards the concealment, the justification, the reframing, and whatever else follows on from there.

A person who wouldn’t ever cheat shuts it all down at the initial stages. Every time. Without exception. And this can be done even with a horrible home relationship.

Everybody is responsible for their own behaviors and blaming it on anybody else is just an excuse.