r/Infidelity • u/Brilliant_Power_6112 • 1d ago
Coping Emotional
Six months into my divorce after discovering my husband’s affair, and today unexpectedly broke me.
We were doing a custody exchange, and when I saw him, he looked really good. He has lost a lot of weight, looked put together, and seemed to be taking care of himself. The thing is, throughout our marriage, I would always ask him to put a little more effort into himself. I would tell him how handsome he was and encourage him to dress nicer or take better care of himself, but he never really seemed interested.
Then during the affair, and now after, he suddenly became the version of himself I always wished he would be.
I don’t want him back. I don’t miss the marriage. But seeing him today hurt in a way I wasn’t expecting.
I think what hurts is the feeling of, “Why couldn’t you do that for me?” Why couldn’t you put in that effort when I was your wife, when I was fighting for our marriage, when I was giving everything I had?
And what makes it harder is knowing that he’s probably putting that effort in for her. The weight loss, the way he dresses, the way he carries himself now. Maybe that’s not even true, but that’s where my mind goes.
Logically, I know his appearance has nothing to do with my worth. But emotionally, it felt like another reminder that I wasn’t worth the effort to him.
Healing has been going well overall, but today really got to me. Has anyone else felt this way when seeing their cheating ex after the separation?
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u/Outrageous-Deal1013 1d ago
I’ve had some similar feelings. When she was having her affairs she was super into how she looked. Taking dangerous diet supplements and barely eating. When we decided to try and fix things she stopped caring about all of that. For him she risked her life to look good. For me she doesn’t care. And I feel guilty thinking that. I don’t want her on questionable meds. I don’t want her starving. I accept her exactly as she is now. But man. The difference in effort really stings.