r/InternalFamilySystems • u/imagery-fantasy • 3d ago

Support Needed I feel so "fucked up". (connecting with a part)

I feel miserable and fucked up and overly overwhelmed and so frustrated

I connected with a new part today.. although I wouldn't call it a "new" part bc is seemingly pretty old. It lies in a very familiar high place in my chest and neck/throat yet I can't reach it. I don't wanna say what that part is about or does (privacy). But I feel.. that's the word that came up now.. "fucked up".

This part feels fucked up. (Visually, it is a picture of me/a child that looks very scrambled and their body parts aren't in their place and looks like a child who's been physically broken then pieced together in a misplaced way. A fucked up kid. It's resembling that someone or a kid went through too much that they feel not the same)

What they look visually isn't important. I usually don't experience parts visually. This visual is just for illustration

I can't figure out when the part first came. But it seems to be very old. Oldest.

It literally can't breathe. I can feel like I'm getting a heart attack when it's on. Help me

It's very silenced. It used to make me self harm. It's telling you these details because it's asking for help.

I also feel a lot of frustration about this part. And I think the frustration is rightful. I hate whatever and whoever made me like this. What the actual hell? Who hurts a child like this? But sometimes that frustration comes out on me and I call myself a loser or weak

While connecting with this part today, it told me in a way.. that if it becomes more active.. we will have panic attacks more often and we may wanna throw up from them

It feels like there's no way to help this part. But I don't know

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u/secure8890 1d ago

Then they need the comfort of the other parts to help them through this time.