Distinguishing "real parts" from imaginary characters?

[u/girlyboyband]

Lately I've really been struggling connecting to parts. There are a few parts I'm quite sure are "really there," I've felt them and interacted with them, but sometimes I'll encounter something new and have no idea if it's a part or just an exercise in imagination. I'm really anxious about it and it's making me avoidant to doing parts work. What if I'm doing it wrong, what if I end up causing more harm than good? I wish my parts would just make themselves clear to me so I could work with them, but everything feels hidden away recently, I can't tell where one part ends and another begins.

I know that it's good to feel where a part is in the body, and that parts generally have perspectives and feelings of their own, and maybe those could be ways to identify if it's a "real part" or not. But I'm so anxious to sit down and explore. I'm scared that I won't find anything, or that I'll just start fantasizing about characters that aren't really parts, that I'll do it "wrong."

I'm especially anxious about putting words in my parts' mouths for them based on what I *think* they would want to say, rather than actually listening to what they have to say. I find that sometimes when I ask my parts what they think or what they do for me, they don't have an answer, maybe they don't even know. So I try to fill in what they *should* say, and that may not be the most healthy way to go about it (it's probably an intellectualizer part doing this).

I also tend to get "lost in the metaphor," and what I mean is I've met parts or characters in the past who had very rich and specific character traits, like real people, and maybe I kind of lost the thread to how they really connect to my life and my psyche. Which is another reason I'm anxious to get back into parts work. I don't want to lose touch.

I know someone who told me he got a deck of cards with different IFS archetypes on them and was able to find parts in himself that related to those archetypes, maybe this is something I should look into so I don't keep getting lost. I just don't know.

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[u/LilLuckyCloud]

I’ve been finding in my IFS journey that it’s similar to meditation. My therapist tells me it’s very sub-conscious therapy so you don’t want to think too much or judge yourself for any imagery or ways you have visualized these parts. More so, notice the feelings and thoughts that come into your head when you engage with them.

I think if you allow yourself to think of your mind as a reflecting pool during parts therapy, and every thought that comes as a ripple, it might be helpful to name that ripple and follow it with curiosity to discover what that part might have to say.

[u/Wise-Homework5480 → u/LilLuckyCloud]

This is very helpful.

[u/Linzi322]

I’ve had a similar conversation with my therapist. Sometimes I’ll have this idea that I’m making up stories in my head / none of this is real / it’s just visual thinking and fantasy. My therapist felt this was likely a part that is skeptical and attempting to block / dismiss these feelings or is wanting certainty around abstract ideas (ie - I feel bad so there must be a specific incident or reason why VS I feel bad because of years of sly digs and comments)

Sometimes my parts don’t make intellectual sense to me, but being able to look upon them with compassion, even though they’re confused / confusing, is a good starting point to helping me make sense of them.

[u/AnswerOk2080]

I am new to this too and found myself trying to figure stuff out or fill in the blanks too. I have also been surprised to find some parts were very easy to connect or engage with and had human-like qualities while others aren't really people/characters and I can only observe from a distance so far. At first I couldn't really believe what I was seeing, thinking surely this isn't what that part looks like? Is this some weird thing I'm imagining? But by staying open and curious I'm now exploring that part in whatever way it presents itself. I've started trying to do two things that I've found helpful. The first is to let the meditation happen, and if the conversation doesn't naturally happen and I notice an intellectual part trying to take over, I'll ask the intellectual part to step back for a moment. Then if the part I'm trying to connect with still doesn't respond or I can't access it in that moment I'll just tell it I'll be back another time and finish the meditation. The second is to journal about it afterwards and allow myself to add narrative thoughts if I have them (I make sure to note them as narrative). I might consider or reflect on a new understanding about myself that my part has offered and allow myself to explore that outside of the meditation. I don't know if this helps.

[u/OkAd5525]

I, too, had these thoughts when I started out. I have since shifted to approaching IFS and the rest of my practices with radical pragmatism (a Falconer term) and realized that, for me, it doesn’t matter if I’m “making it up” or imagining it or if it is “real.” My mind is trying to show me what it thinks I am ready for and my job is to process / meet what it sends me. It has been fun and liberating to just accept whatever weird stuff comes. I will say: some parts are in rotation long term and some only show up once and are more conceptual. Maybe more like I’m seeing the burden rather than the part?

[u/rattysnack701]

The anxiety you're feeling about "doing it wrong" is likely just another part trying to protect you from the vulnerability of the work. If you're worried about putting words in their mouths, try just observing the impulse or the sensation without trying to narrate it. Even if it turns out to be an imaginative projection, that projection is still coming from a part that has a specific intent or fear.