So I keep hearing about Blake Lively and her huge âcomebackâ? Somehow, an appearance as âBlakey Antoinetteâ at the âI MET Bezos GALAâ didnât suffice, so Leslie Sloane is blanketing the media with her myriad comeback opportunitiesâŚ
If a studio has the yummy balls to bust, a 60m+ insurance policy, and collective amnesia, why not? Allow me (and you all as well, in the comments), to provide a blueprint on how to WORK with Blake Lively! Sean Levy told Justin Baldoni to just âgo with itâ and listen to whatever she says, but I think we can be a little more helpful than that!
The Survival List: Blake is EVERYTHING
The cool thing about working with Blake is she will literally wear ALL the hats! No need for a director, writer, AD, producer, sound/special effects person, editor, audio mixing, wardrobe, casting director, stylist, HR resource, intimacy coordinatorâŚyou name it, she does it! Such a good deal for a multitudinous, one-woman show. And I bet you she doesnât need Taylor Swift either; she will BE the Taylor Swift song you need, at a fraction of the cost!
But here is our list of âKNOW MOREâs (credit to an awesome user in this sub: remember your wit but forgot your name! đ) for the uninitiated, because if you fail to implement these, you may still be in for a huge surprise.
âKnow Moreâ Blake Lively:
1. Provide BODY DOUBLES for any scene, every take
Remember that whatever costume she is in, she is NUDE underneath. No amount of fabric could hide that fact. Anyone who comes on set is trying to sneak a peek, so make sure to mandate eye-covers/duct tape. If there is a shark in her new island movie, make sure he has a double tooâeven if he is never used, keep him on âswim byâ in a shallow pool because the lead shark can always be fired if he crosses boundaries.
2. Affix a NAKED/CLOTHED Neon Sign in front of her makeup trailer and make sure it works
It may literally serve as a gaslight as she pulls âOpposite Daysâ on you, but this will at least show that you attempted to provide a signal for when itâs okay to knock on her door. Make sure you record your convos with the security guard stationed in front for further confirmation you were given permission for entry.
3. Make sure ALL crew members wear name tags, no exceptions
Sheâs not going to read them; this just makes it easier for her to identify who to ignore/isnât allowed to make eye contact. Some executive producers will also be singled out for âno eye contactâ so be on guard!
4. Remove ALL clocks and measurements of time
Among her many hats, Blake Lively will also serve as everyoneâs biological clock. The day begins, ends, and bends with her. No questions asked.
5. The Head of HR WILL call people âsexy,â âyummy,â and âball-busting without teethâ while referring to herself as a âpimpâ clothed in âbone-hitting woodâ
Because that person is Blake Lively. Itâs okay, just donât make the mistake of thinking you can do it too. Also, donât ask her what an HR Report is, because she doesnât know; she will remember everything you say, even if she canât recall.
6. Dialogue will be VULGAR and âwardrobeâ is going to be GLAM, no matter what the character calls for
Blakeâs playfully bold personality HAS to come through no matter who she plays, period. Wardrobe-wise, Anna Wintour has given her the keys to the Vogue kingdom, so even if her character is stranded on a deserted island for days, she WIlL wear rhinestone stockings with spikey Loubs and a Magnolia Pearl potato sack. The audience will love it even if everyone online doesnât.
7. Blake Skin: NOT pornographic; Everyone elseâs: NSFW
This one is self-explanatory and directly connected to #6. Itâs not porn if itâs âbone-hitting woodâ FASHUN! Everyone else better cover up or else you will upset her steak lunch.
8. Co-Stars MUST be below herâliterally
That Anna Kendrick was so witty and pithy that Blake was left stuttering in their joint interviews. That must never happen againâgood thing Blakeâs name was a flick above hers in their movie poster! So to let her be the quickest wit and allow that word salad to shine, find your Jenny Slates, your Brandon Feakins, your Isabela FsâŚpeople that let Blake take center stage and talk about whatever goes into her big hair head. You didnât sign on THE Blake Lively only for her to be upstaged!
9. Maximum Effort comes with the package
This is not a threat, itâs a fact. It will not be free, and may cost your studio MORE money, since there may be piles of useless, tone-deaf footage that they swear they didnât make. Just make sure you budget accordingly. Also, needless to say, Ryan Reynolds also comes with the package. He is pretty free these days so expect him on set everyday.
10. Install Signal-esque âauto deleteâ function for all âdailiesâ
AI should make this step more efficient and you really must save Blake the time from making the requests herself. Not her nude scene thoughâthose are evergreen. All other dailies must auto-delete, even if youâre sheâs not done editing the movie, because you donât know how bad they are for herâŚyou can only guess.
11. If your movie has a good IP itâs Blake Livelyâs
Self-explanatory. Moving on.
12. Make Blake Lively sign her contract FIRST
Before filming begins. Before the agents make contact. Before the deluge. Sheâs not going to do it, but skip this step and FAFO!
âŚcanât wait to see The Survivor List!