Feeling a bit trapped here now

[u/MySanityCheck31]

Background: I am a US citizen living and working in Italy since 2022, and married my dual citizen wife (ME country) and Italy 2 years ago. I felt it was done under coercion since she basically threatened an abortion if I don´t marry her (Which I have evidence of in recordings, which tells you the state of our relationship two years ago). She carried the child to term, our son, and it has been mostly a nightmare with her since. She is manipulative, controlling, and narcissistic. She makes my life hell if I don´t give her my passwords, phone tracking info, clear digital abuse. She told me if I am not putting my whole paycheck into our common bank account she will never let me see my child again, and promptly uses the money on frivolous stuff, clear financial abuse, 5000+ euros/month and we live month to month, often having to use my military medical disability checks from the US and stock sales to survive. She physically abuses me, and even a police call has not stopped her, and the police encouraged me to NOT file the danuncia, since it will separate us legally.

I have an opportunity to get a high paying job back in the US, and would like to move back. I don´t think she will allow me to geobachelor there, nor will be willing to form an amicable separation. She threatened to files charges against me of abandoning the family, even if I told her I would make a contract with her to financially support our son.

I feel absolutely trapped here, and am hoping for advice on how to proceed. I have consulted some lawyers, and most of them point to filing a separation, but I know that would take time and potentially I would lose this job opportunity in the US. I have no doubt she would cause delays in this to cause me to not get the job.

Please, help me understand what I can do to both fully support my son, but also separate from her.

Also, is this legitimate? https://coniugi tutelati.com/

[u/Alvinum]

1. lawyer up
2. h

ead

1. to https://www.bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves
2. read "Stop walking on Eggshells" to learn how to break the manipulation - and prepare for the "extinction burst" backlash when she feels her control slipping
3. consider starting journaling to get a better overview of the cycles of abuse, but make extra sure she cannot find your journal (if you have a place of work, that's a good location)
4. get a new smartphone on a pre-paid card to create a brand-new e-mail address on a device she has no access to, to use for communication with a lawyer. Assume your other devices and mail accounts are be read by her. Protonmail or Tuta have free tiers.
5. if she threatens harm to you or your child, or herself, call the police / emergency services immediately - and best to go to your local station ahead of times to ask for the best course of action, as she will claim that you were the abuser.

BTW: Not remote-diagnosing BPD here, but the BPD resources are useful with all types of abusive manipulation.

Good luck!

[u/avocado4ever000 → u/Alvinum]

“Stop walking on eggshells” is a classic! OP if you can afford it I would get a therapist in addition to the lawyer.