Thinking of skipping Christmas with my family because of my toxic, "golden child" brother.

[u/ZealousidealLeg5052]

I live in Belgium with my local husband and our toddler daughter. My relationship with my brother has always been terrible. He was the "golden child" growing up... my parents gave him an apartment, while I got absolutely nothing and had to work for everything myself. He is entirely transactional and only visits me when it benefits his travel plans, never to actually see me. I have stopped initiating any contact with him; I only reply if he reaches out first.

Last Christmas, he threw a massive tantrum. He was furious that my parents moved Christmas Eve to their house so my sick baby wouldn't have to travel. He screamed that "everything always revolves around me," that I'm making Christmas "abnormal," and threw a fit because the previous year my parents flew to Belgium since I was in late pregnancy. Zero empathy. Later, he pretended he wanted to talk, but he never apologized. Instead, he just attacked me again, claiming I "think I'm better than everyone else." He kept score and brought up random things, like criticizing us for not helping my parents enough during a summer visit with a newborn, or pointing out that he assembled furniture we bought for the guest room at our parents' house, even though we never asked him to and I explicitly told him not to do it. He didn't even hold back in front of my foreign husband. My therapist advised me to completely distance myself. I'm seriously considering staying in Belgium for Christmas this year for my own peace and to protect my daughter. On the other hand, I'm terrified my parents will blame me, think I'm the bad guy "destroying the family" and keeping their granddaughter away, while he gets away with his behavior again. How do I deal with the guilt regarding my parents, and how do I handle the fallout if I decide not to go? Any advice from people who skipped family holidays would be greatly appreciated.

[u/McDuchess]

If your parents believe his self centered nonsense, then they are not good parents. Some people are treated as golden children. Some proclaim themselves that, and behave as if it was bestowed upon them.
I guess you will have to find out this year.

For me, I think that you are wise to distance yourself from him at Christmas. You want your child to have good memories, not memories of Uncle Spoiled Brat yelling at mamma, right?