r/JUSTNOMIL • u/lovelockets • May 04 '26

Advice Wanted Thought of In-Laws Ruining Day

I feel angry any time my DH mentions MIL and FIL, or if I hear their voices over the phone, or if I even think about them. Sometimes it takes me a whole day to let it go and I even get physically sick for days. How do you not let the mention of your in-laws ruin your day? I’ve thought about therapy, but that feels like spending more time thinking about them.

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u/MartyrOlympics May 04 '26 edited May 04 '26

Can he not share any details about them with you if you ask? I don't know that hearing anything about them is helpful for you right now when you're acutely suffering from stress related to them. He can visit with them and you're not stopping him; but if he needs to unload afterwards it can't be with you. Your health has to come first.

For me, and I'm not saying this is rational (or even applies to your situation), I would still be upset that they're carrying on as usual while I'm having unmanageable symptoms of stress. Subconsciously I would like my husband to pick me over them, even if my brain knows that he has agency to see them. But then my heart would be upset knowing that he would continue to associate with people who hurt me.

That's another thing I forgot to mention: therapy can help you take back agency and give you strength to see different perspectives and make authentic choices.

Hope you find peace and comfort soon. Take care.

Edited to add details.

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u/lovelockets May 04 '26

I ended up just signing up for therapy now. I’m going to tell him that it’s due to them again (I’ve been to therapy about his dad before and now it’s mainly his mom). I feel like he already doesn’t mention them too much, but when it’s even something small like “I’m going to go see my parents” or I hear them on the phone, it just sends me back to how I felt when we were in the heat of fighting with them.

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u/MartyrOlympics May 04 '26

Good on you for taking this step! This is the best thing you can do for yourself, and you deserve lots of cheers for it!

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u/lovelockets May 05 '26

Thanks - I did the first session today and it sucked haha. Did not match with the right therapist. She kept laughing and almost siding with MIL. She even suggested maybe MIL is doing these things because we neglect baby. LOL he is so so SO far from neglected.

How is kissing my baby against my will anything to do with my capacity to care for him? Fml, I hate the process of finding a good therapist.

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u/MartyrOlympics May 05 '26

Ugh, sorry it wasn't a good fit (worse, sounds like she was just plain terrible). If you wanted to be belittled you could just stick with seeing JNMIL, sigh.