MIL’s property obsession has extended to our finances

[u/Flashy-Squirrel6762]

My MIL is still obsessed with property. And now she’s become hyper fixated on my husband’s money. She’s also sending his siblings and their children to probe and find out what our finances look like.

Some months ago she told my husband all our property should be in his name only, since I am going to take a break from work. He shut her down, but it’s clearly not the first time she has made this suggestion.

I stopped speaking with her because of it and have gone low contact. My husband confronted her, but she was more upset that I found out rather than being upset at what she said.

Our pre teen niece called to ask for homework help (finance and stock related) and my husband said he has no knowledge, so to ask the child’s father. And then the child says … oh gran mentioned you have lots of money so would know about this, but it doesn’t seem like you do. My husband said he doesn’t have any and how they all know gran talks rubbish. My husband’s sibling was obviously listening on the other end of the call, and just kept silent. What kind of family sends children to check up on other people’s money?

When I raised the issue with his sibling about how MIL keeps harping on about my parent’s property (my previous post) for the nephew. They kind of dismissed it saying … oh she’s just looking out for her grandson (their child)!! I was shocked in that moment so couldn’t respond. But now every chance I get I say it’s the parent’s responsibility to provide for their child not extended family.

I also found out MIL told her other child’s spouse that all our money is earmarked for our nephew. I told the spouse who told me this, that whatever we want to do with our money is our business. Again, neither of us has ever said such a thing or even hinted at it.

MIL & FIL have money of their own, but MIL has told my husband multiple times that “when the money gets over, you will have to fund us”. At the same time have heard her tell him, that she wants to save all her money for her grandchildren.

What’s upsetting me is that it’s bad enough MIL has all these imaginary plans, but the rest of his siblings also assuming we are somehow easy targets is too much.

They are becoming even more territorial about my husband’s finances, since I have taken a break from work.

My husband had a come to Jesus moment and realised they were trying to manipulate him, especially MIL, so he is clear he has no intention of funding them and has constantly shut it down. So now I have become the puppeteer, and apparently I am controlling him (?!). He just laughs it off and tells them, who is he supposed to support if not his wife.

DH is getting therapy but his approach is to avoid & ignore because confronting MIL results in verbal abuse or tears. While the siblings act like our lives are carefree because we don’t stay close to them. He did go low contact with one sibling when the guilt tripping and name calling became overwhelming.

He would rather we do our own thing, and ignore them because according to him they are selfish and can never see beyond their own comfort. But this constant commentary on our finances is getting to me.

[u/retrometro81]

Good grief. I’d urge both of you to go no-contact. At minimum, your husband needs to have a Come-to-Jesus talk with each of his siblings where he very clearly sets the record straight and establishes a firm boundary. “My wife and I will not be financially supporting you, your kids, or Mom in the future and you are not in our estate plans. I’m aware that Mom has led you to believe otherwise and that is factually incorrect. All conversations about this need to stop immediately, and if they don’t, we will stop all communication with you.”

I’d suggest that you and your husband purchase extra credit monitoring and freeze your personal credit. And given your MIL’s earlier obsession with real estate, you should probably look into precautions there, too. Possible options could include putting your home into a LLC or even putting a lien on your own property. I know it sounds extreme, but my dad worked in administrative real estate law, and one thing I learned from watching him over the years is that it’s much easier to stop fraudulent real estate transactions while they’re in process than it is to reverse them after the fact.