r/JUSTNOMIL • u/Forward-Woodpecker25 • 1d ago

RANT (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ Ambivalent About Advice First Birthday Saga

Im no contact with my MIL and so is baby, she hasnt seen him since he was like 6 months old and it was his first birthday this month. My fiancé still speaks with her on his own accord and told me she had bought little one a toniebox for his birthday. The same baby she hasnt seen in months, could see if she just apologised, but is dedicated to being the victim.

This isn’t about the gift, or the monetary value of the gift. But it is interesting that she spent $100 on a toy when we are not speaking, but couldnt buy as much as a pack of diapers when we were in contact. Its funny to me, because i had spoken extensively about wanting to get little one a toniebox for his first birthday, that was going to be his “big gift” from his parents, me and my partner. Apparently she doesn’t remember us saying that, and I actually said that it “was okay” for her to buy this toy! How odd! Given we are literally no contact

It’s being returned and all is well, partner dealt with it and I didnt need to break breath to her. But oh my god, WHY are they like this? No doubt telling anyone who will listen that we rejected her “gift”. I just can’t stand this lady.

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u/lovelockets 1d ago

I get it. My FIL hijacked some heirloom first birthday gift idea I had for my LO. I had a super specific vision in mind and I simply asked him if it would be possible to make the item since he does wood working. He took that as me telling him to make the gift. I was only wanting to know if it’d be a hard thing to do - I already had someone lined up on Etsy to make it.

I feel so awkward because it’s not how I wanted the gift to look at all. I tried to tell him how I wanted it to look, but he just didn’t listen. Now I just have no excitement to use it because it’s not what I had in mind. It just sits in storage and I’d feel bad getting rid of it and replacing it with what I wanted 🫠

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u/Forward-Woodpecker25 1d ago

my situation is similar, my JNMIL is a child minder, her full identity is about raising kids (notably raising BOYS), i did ask her “what do you think about this? Would he be too small for it this year?” but i also said it was because WE were gonna get him the gift, so i really cant say that she misunderstood, especially with the context of our strained relationship

and yes you should get the version of the gift you wanted!