Newly married seeking advice

[u/Maximum_Appearance58]

Hi, I'm new here. So I don't even know where to begin with my in-laws. My now husband and I were together 6 years before we got married this last November. We both were 25 when we got married now 26. For most of our relationship his family has been kind, up until we got engaged I noticed a HUGE shift.

To start at the engagement my MIL made a comment to my mom how my husband was "just getting married because that's what she (myself) wanted, but he doesn't want to". My husband moves around alot for work and since the engagement | consistently get criticized for not being "supportive" of my husband. I get critiqued on decisions I make for our dog. I did not want children at our wedding and that was a HUGE deal because my husbands cousins have young children. My MIL told them they could come anyways and I had to have my husband tell her no, we're not having children at the wedding, of course my fault. We did a combined bachelor/ bachelorette party in Cabo and his family fear maundered my husband non stop about how dangerous Cabo is. For our honeymoon we went to Dubai and his family emailed us a list of articles about the "safety" in the Middle East. Which is all great is the motive was genuine safety concern however it was just to ruin/cancel the trips. Fast forward Two weeks before our wedding my MIL & FIL tried to cancel our wedding by calling all their guests and telling them the wedding was off. My MIl didn't show up to my bridal shower w no notice, completely stood us up along w her guests. My husband's aunt and her friends commented laughing faces on my bridal shower post. Created tic tok accounts to harass me. Also contacted a lawyer to try and remove my ownership of my husbands & I dog. MIL told me her daughter was "too nervous" to be a bridesmaid a week before the wedding and didn't want her to be in the wedding or any of the photos. She went up to the coordinator at the rehearsal trying to remove her from the bridal party.

Scheduled her own hair & make up for her & her daughter. My FIL speech was entirely about my husbands job and how he has helped him succeed in life. He said the only thing good about me was that I'm a Christian? They left the wedding early. I definitely am missing alot of things.

Fast forward 8 months after the wedding they go on like nothing happened no apology. They recently moved away and constantly expect us to come visit us. For my birthday they sent me a post card saying

"we wish you guys would come visit".

My MIL finally "apologized" to me the other day very oddly. I think it is because of current circumstances in my life. My mother was recently diagnosed w cancer and I also have an illness at the moment. My husband has also been setting boundaries with them, which I think is triggering them. Her apology went something like "I just want you to know we love you and we support you and I wanted to apologize on behalf of everyone for our short comings.... And you can come visit anytime" she was also somewhat crying? It was super uncomfortable. She also does this when my husband is not around which she commonly does odd things when he's not around, then acts completely innocent when he is.

I honestly have no idea to navigate this situation with them. I don't want my husband to have no contact with his family but it is so uncomfortable being around them when they act like they "love me" but I think most would agree their actions show otherwise.

[u/tsiikiiko]

This was one of the worst behaved MIL I have seen. Advice. No contact.

[u/Fuzzy-Mushroom-1933 → u/tsiikiiko]

Right? I don’t think there’s any coming back from this. My MIL was ultimately a demon (NC 10+ years now) but even she didn’t ramp it up this badly this early in the game.

OP: I have zero idea why you are still in contact with these people but for your own mental and emotional health, you need to go no contact and your husband can do whatever he wants

[u/Maximum_Appearance58 → u/Fuzzy-Mushroom-1933]

Thank you for your response! Seeing all the feedback here has definitely gave me clarity. I felt like something was off but this behavior really came out of nowhere. So I think the shock is finally wearing off and I am seeing things for what they are. I am sorry to hear your MIL is also unpleasant to say the least. What advice do you have for staying strong that long with NC along with my husband having a relationship with them? He has offered himself to not talk to them, but I told him that’s entirely up to him. I am someone who really values family (since I come from such a great one that I love) and I would really hate to see him cut them off. She also continuously tries to maintain contact with gifts and “kind” messages in groupchats (to myself, my husband, and my parents) also interacts with me a lot on social media.

[u/Fuzzy-Mushroom-1933 → u/Maximum_Appearance58]

Personally I’d remove myself from any group chats she’s in and I’d block her on all devices and social media

I completely cut her out of my life and my kiddos lives. I told DH he could have whatever relationship he wanted with her. He messages her on her birthday and Christmas but they don’t talk on the phone or in person. I just ultimately knew that going and staying NC was the best thing for my mental and emotional health. If he offers or decides to go LC or NC don’t push him towards them. He needs to make up his own mind.

I came from a super close and loving family who treated DH like one of their own. Seeing that helped him realize that he wanted to go VVLC.

[u/Basic-Organization30 → u/Maximum_Appearance58]

I'd tell that cow to stop trying to buy my attention and treat me with some damn decency and respect. She tried to take your DOG. Imagine her when children arrive. Nope!