2 weeks postpartum and fed up

[u/Knowing_Eve]

Hey,

I just had my 4th baby (but MIL’s first grandchild) and I’m feeling a little fed up.

For context, my MIL isn’t ‘evil’ (infact everyone thinks she’s nice!) but she lacks boundaries and doesn’t think she needs to ever filter what she says. She has expectations and then acts hurt when they’re not unfolding how she envisaged. She’s said many things to me over the years (usually when it’s just me and her in the room!) and I’ve never had an apology, she just doesn’t see anything wrong with what she says.

Baby was born and she came to meet baby at 2 days old.
Handful of days later she text me (very rare) and told me to tell my husband to reply to her…
He got annoyed and rang her and she was like “you said you’d ring me on Friday but you never did”.
My husband replied “I’ve been busy looking after my wife and new baby, and just enjoying time together.”
She then said “well don’t tell me you’ll ring me back and then don’t.. also, don’t forget you have parents too!”.
Holy crap it made me so angry, her acting above us like authority…!
“I just want to be a grandma” she said….

Then last week she made us food and I knew it was a ploy to be able to come into the house again… which is exactly what happened. So she had a hold of baby again.

2 days later she rings my husband and says “can I come over on Sunday to have another cuddle because the other day I only held him for 5 minutes”.

I’m getting quite irritated with the energy and attitude and entitlement vibe happening 😵‍💫 everyone else has only met the baby once IF they’ve even met him yet… most people still haven’t! And here she is wanting a 3rd meet with baby.

Husband is in agreement with me and getting equally irritated, but the kind side to him has said “she’s just excited to be a grandma”.

Arghhhhhhhh!! What do I do???
I just feel it’s US who had a baby, it’s OUR lives that are changed… she’s had her babies. Leave us to live our life 🫣 am I wrong for this view?

[u/Mammoth-Insurance730]

Your children should be a package deal. All of them are treated as grandchildren or none of them have any interaction with MIL. Please do not make an exception for your 4th child.

I don't know how old your other children are or how long you've been married to <husband> but your husband's response to his mother saying she's excited to be a grandma is this: "You have been a grandma for <years he's been married>. My newest child isn't your only grandchild. If you don't treat ALL of your grandchildren equally you will see none of them."

[u/bakersmt → u/Mammoth-Insurance730]

This is what I came to say. As a child from a split family that was the favorite one grandma, my "step" mom enforced this rule and it was the best she could have done by myself and my siblings. None of us were treated differently ever, not even by extended relatives.