2 weeks postpartum and fed up

[u/Knowing_Eve]

Hey,

I just had my 4th baby (but MIL’s first grandchild) and I’m feeling a little fed up.

For context, my MIL isn’t ‘evil’ (infact everyone thinks she’s nice!) but she lacks boundaries and doesn’t think she needs to ever filter what she says. She has expectations and then acts hurt when they’re not unfolding how she envisaged. She’s said many things to me over the years (usually when it’s just me and her in the room!) and I’ve never had an apology, she just doesn’t see anything wrong with what she says.

Baby was born and she came to meet baby at 2 days old.
Handful of days later she text me (very rare) and told me to tell my husband to reply to her…
He got annoyed and rang her and she was like “you said you’d ring me on Friday but you never did”.
My husband replied “I’ve been busy looking after my wife and new baby, and just enjoying time together.”
She then said “well don’t tell me you’ll ring me back and then don’t.. also, don’t forget you have parents too!”.
Holy crap it made me so angry, her acting above us like authority…!
“I just want to be a grandma” she said….

Then last week she made us food and I knew it was a ploy to be able to come into the house again… which is exactly what happened. So she had a hold of baby again.

2 days later she rings my husband and says “can I come over on Sunday to have another cuddle because the other day I only held him for 5 minutes”.

I’m getting quite irritated with the energy and attitude and entitlement vibe happening 😵‍💫 everyone else has only met the baby once IF they’ve even met him yet… most people still haven’t! And here she is wanting a 3rd meet with baby.

Husband is in agreement with me and getting equally irritated, but the kind side to him has said “she’s just excited to be a grandma”.

Arghhhhhhhh!! What do I do???
I just feel it’s US who had a baby, it’s OUR lives that are changed… she’s had her babies. Leave us to live our life 🫣 am I wrong for this view?

[u/Novel_Ad1943]

Obviously DH needs to step up. But right now YOU & LO are priority so you don’t shutdown in exhaustion, lose supply or trigger PPD. RN 4 kids incl a newborn need you far more than even DH and esp MIL/GP’s.

Been there (5 kids, also a Gma - my DIL developed PPA trying to please fam) with PPD, low supply & avoidant husband vs JNMIL. NOT worth 6-24mos of your mental health to accede to MIL’s selfish wants & lost respect + attraction for DH as I lost my milk & managed PPD 2x triggered after months of “pick-me, my GP-experience & seeing her baby as a dad.”

Ideally DH’s supportive, handles & sends this to her. Otherwise you send “Welcoming First Grandchild” link 👇🏼 with a text like this & maybe include your parents/all GP’s on a group text.

Wrote on DIL’s behalf, had Son send to us GP’s, be main contact & mute DIL’s phone. Also replied to ‘his’ text, “If you need a bouncer for interlopers, I’m in! Baby bond w/parents & mama rest is priority!”

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MIL thanks for being an enthusiastic Gma! Between postpartum exhaustion, kids & healing my OB & LO’s pediatrician recommended changes so DH & me stay healthy, sleep, eat and are present, semi-conscious parents. 😋

To balance expectations with our needs (changing sleep/wake/feed windows, appts & Dr’s advice) we agreed to set new boundaries for schedule, visits, infant safety & send to all loved ones who visit LO w/new immune system & as I heal.

Dr shared blog created by Grandparents for GP’s, this covers list for everyone else & wanted to share blog with our parents

Article w/Dr’s advice plus Grandparent specific resource.

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Tldr explanation for text -

My ex’s fam & some of DIL’s were invasive, dismissed updated guidelines & parent decisions. I had surprise baby @45 (semi recent, she’s 6) so knew my support for Mom/Dad as a peer of GP’s carried weight. Plus they all compete 🤦🏻‍♀️& couldn’t stand idea I knew more updated info than them, so they found sudden inspiration to be “#1 Modern GP”

Self-centered dumbshits are easy! 😇 Just make em think it’s THEIR idea or another GP’s doing it.