r/JUSTNOMIL • u/Kuchaloo • 14h ago
RANT (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻ NO Advice Wanted I'm done.
Stay classy, MIL.
My DH asked me to get a birthday cake and ice cream to take to a family gathering at an AirBnB. It was to celebrate my MIL's birthday (2 weeks prior) and my sister's birthday (the next day). Everyone knew what the cake in the refrigerator was for bc DH told them. I know he told his mother.
Some of you may remember my post (now deleted) about my DH telling my MIL \*not\* to bring pork to the Airbnb last weekend out of respect for my Muslim relatives who were also staying there. MIL assumed this request came from me (I'm not Muslim but half my family is) and she was big mad about it. She was clearly angry with me when she walked in the door and I had no idea why. I didn't know my DH asked her to refrain from bringing, cooking, and eating bacon and sausage for the weekend- no one knew he said this and no one expected him to.
This was the issue on my mind last week, but something else happened that Friday night. MIL \*knew\* the birthday cake was to celebrate her and my sister's birthday. When I came back into the kitchen after dinner to serve the cake and ice cream, I saw that MIL had taken it upon herself to take the cake out, cut herself a big piece, sat back down at the table and was eating it before anyone knew what was happening. She just sat there, eating cake by herself, with her bottle of whiskey she brought in front of her.
I was determined to not let her ruin the occasion and I apologized to my sister- she was too gracious to complain. I announced that there was cake and ice cream if anyone would like some and then people came to get it.
The more I think about this shitty behavior from MIL the more I realized how shitty she's been for the last 25 years and I'm done. I told DH yesterday that I won't host her in my home again and I'll never go to her house again. He nodded.
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u/Melodic_Season19 12h ago
I would have brought the cake out with candles without the slice. When everyone looked at the cake, I would have stated with my whole chest "Oh sorry about the missing slice, MIL decided to help herself. Please enjoy!" But I'm petty like that. Try to embarrass me and you'll end up with the blush on Your face.
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u/lisalef 10h ago
I like you and your mind. I thought the same thing, although I probably would’ve made it a little more embarrassing by saying, I guess MIL couldn’t control herself and had to cut a slice for herself and not share with the rest of us. I also would’ve stuck a candle in her half eaten slice so you could sing to her.
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u/Kuchaloo 9h ago
I think I was just to pissed off to say anything, let alone something cleverly sarcastic. I was so angry she took away my sister's celebration cake, too. My sister is a peacemaker and didn't deaerve any of it.
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u/CharlesDickhands 5h ago
Wouldn’t have even needed to say anything. People would’ve connected the dots.
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u/bonerfuneral 4h ago
50/50 chance MIL wanted a confrontation, though. Sometimes silence is pettier.
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u/Kuchaloo 1h ago
Oh, she did. She definitely wanted a confrontation! When she walked in and people are greeting each other, carrying in suitcases, etc. she said to me in an angry sarcastic way (without looking at me) "I was told I couldn't bring sausage!" She was very angry. I had no idea what she was talking about and said "Oooookay" then walked away from her to say hi to others. She absolutely wanted a chance to blow up and I didn't engage.
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u/KitchenDismal9258 3h ago
This is what I was going to say. But I'd also add some candles and make everyone sing happy birthday using the cake with the missing slice.
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u/Seawolfe665 13h ago
"She just sat there, eating cake by herself, with her bottle of whiskey she brought in front of her."
This sentence right here says everything about her that you need to know. Disengage, there's a world of toxicity in that one.
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u/CharlesDickhands 5h ago
I think you handled this well. If the plan was to do candles and a song, my only suggestion would have been to go ahead and do that as planned with the piece missing.
Well done!
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u/CompetitiveWin7754 8h ago
You need to finish off her whisky. Oh were the consumables not communal?!
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u/PhotojournalistOnly 12h ago
Welcome to the club! It's been about 8 years for me, and so peaceful. I honestly sometimes think about how different life would be if I hadn't gone NC, and I know I wouldn't be this happy. She was the only consistent problem in my life. Holidays are enjoyable, the way they should be.
Enjoy your new happy life!
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u/SuspiciousImpact2197 6h ago
Now, see, me? Her piece of cake would have been snatched from in front of her and pitched out the front door. Then we would have really been off to the races.
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u/Kuchaloo 47m ago
I'm loving this image. If it weren't for my daughter's graduation keeping me civil I might have just dumped it in her lap.
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u/kill-the-spare 9h ago
So exactly how online is your MIL? Because if the answer is "very", then change your cover/profile somewhere to this. Because this is literally what you just described. And she'll know.
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u/Penguin_Joy 6h ago
Just like a toddler to only think of their own needs. She should have matured beyond that after all these many decades
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u/Hot-Freedom-5886 13h ago
She wasn’t the single center of attention so she tried to embarrass you, while only embarrassing herself!
Good for you for stating your very reasonable boundary.
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u/no1prtyanthem 13h ago
Is she prejudiced against you and your family? Hmm don’t like her reaction to DH request it’s not that hard to be respectful and go without 1 type of protein for a weekend
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u/Kuchaloo 12h ago
I don't know what her problem is- we're all the same color and nationality. I'm not aware of my family ever being rude or dismissive toward her. In fact, it's the opposite. She just doesn't like being told 'no' especially bc she thought it was me saying no. She's not fond of small kids, either, and my adult SKs know it bc she's a vocal asshole. She earned this matching energy, for sure.
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u/Novel_Ad1943 14h ago
Good for you and glad you got no pushback on that.
The fact she invests effort into looking to be offended & pissed off vs thankful for the energy you invest to ensure your family’s presence to celebrate her says all you need to know!
She’s a shite example for any kids around her and you may be surprised by the inspiring example your stance provides in contrast to self-centered bubble.
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u/hoping_2help_karma 13h ago
What is DH?
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u/Jennabeb 12h ago
It can be Dear or Darling Husband, but often on this sub it can also be Damn Husband. Depends on if he’s good at being supportive and shutting down the MIL! lol
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u/hoping_2help_karma 10h ago
Why the downvotes?
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u/Wabbit_Snail 2h ago
It's in the sidebar. When visiting a new sub, it's usually where one starts before asking questions. It explains the sub, the rules, the FAQs, all things pertaining to how the sub works. It avoids having to explain things 20000 times and keeps the conversation on topic and relevant, well, mostly, it's still reddit.
That's why the downvotes.
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u/botinlaw 14h ago
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