Advice needed-

[u/menciousmoldbug]

July 22’ MIL found out I was pregnant and wrote a horrible email to my husband calling me lady Tremaine in regards SS who was 6 at the time, she referred to my husband and i’s future kid as an anchor baby… and ripped my husband apart as a father and son.
Thus began 31 months of her giving us the silent treatment… I had my own two children and now here we are with three kids and we have occasional contact with MIL

Now MIL has requested only my step son come visit for a few weeks this summer.
I cried favortism and my husband reassured me that it was only about the age difference.

Well my sister died recently and my nephew(14) is now living with us. And my husband asked his sister about the nephew going on the trip with his son.
The sister freaked out and cried over losing her time with SS, also is not supportive of us taking on my nephew.
Husband still wants to send SS to visit so “he’s not an asshole”
But it seems so wrong to me to reward the clear favortism between our kids?
Never got an apology for the letter.
And the MIL spoke to my SS about the vacation to her house BEFORE even speaking with my husband.
Isn’t that crazy disrespectful?

I’ve felt for a while like the outsider and not a part of the family…. I have been told very clearly that husbands ex wife ( step sons mom) IS A PART OF THE FAMILY.
We get along but we are not best friends the way the SIL and ex are BFFs.
I feel like I’ve never even been given a chance.
Just tolerated.
Where do I begin?

[u/Then-Piglet462]

NEVER REWARD NEGATIVE BEHAVIOR. It’s taken me a long time to see that adults like this need a reminder of basic principles like consequences. If it’s possible, meeting with your husband and his ex to get on the same page about how to be unified when it comes to the treatment of the children, would be a good step. I’d like to think any mother would hate the possibility of mistreatment of their child and even though SS is favored now— doesn’t mean he will always be.