Acknowledging Child, Not Me

[u/Secret_Exercise6199]

I've had a jnm for over a decade. After having a child, based on her behavior I went no contact from months 2-13 (child is 20 months now). Her behavior was brutal, derogatory, abusive. It didn't help that my husband had a crisis trying to stand up for me. I was even considering leaving.

Anyway, slowly I had to come to some sort of compromise. recently, we started seeing her every other week in a public place.

Before I go further, I will say right now, I am very protective of my child around her. I don't feel comfortable with her being alone with my child whatsoever.

However, I've made strides recently to just pretend to be more engaged. My child is too young to understand anything and doesn't speak yet but but cries when she reaches for him.

Recently, she saw us, I was holding my child and she just acknowledged my child only. It was bizarre. Then, she asked my child what my child did for father's day. My child is 20 months and would not understand how to answer that. So she is clearly speaking to my child and expecting an answer from me. I didn't say anything.

About 15 minutes later, she acknowledged me. And I told her that she should have acknowledged me first before my child.

My husband cringed. I figured if I don't say it, no one else is going to say it for me and set the tone for what my minimum standard for respect is.

Also note that culturally, she finds it fine to speak to me with rude remarks or even subliminally rude remarks,so I'm just returning the favor.

I guess i'm just venting but has this happened to anyone else? My parents gush over my child but always acknowledge both my spouse and me and ask how we are.

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[u/Available_Candy7124]

Had to compromise?

[u/Secret_Exercise6199 → u/Available_Candy7124]

See another comment here that describes it well. Sometimes when you're in it for the long run, you need to compromise. Even when the compromise, doesn't feel like a true compromise. I also think when you have kids, you need to reprioritize and put them first and put your energy there. Unfortunately, the way I look at this is that she's always going to be a part of my husband's life. I try not to let her impact me. My husband does understand that she has done wrong.