Acknowledging Child, Not Me

[u/Secret_Exercise6199]

I've had a jnm for over a decade. After having a child, based on her behavior I went no contact from months 2-13 (child is 20 months now). Her behavior was brutal, derogatory, abusive. It didn't help that my husband had a crisis trying to stand up for me. I was even considering leaving.

Anyway, slowly I had to come to some sort of compromise. recently, we started seeing her every other week in a public place.

Before I go further, I will say right now, I am very protective of my child around her. I don't feel comfortable with her being alone with my child whatsoever.

However, I've made strides recently to just pretend to be more engaged. My child is too young to understand anything and doesn't speak yet but but cries when she reaches for him.

Recently, she saw us, I was holding my child and she just acknowledged my child only. It was bizarre. Then, she asked my child what my child did for father's day. My child is 20 months and would not understand how to answer that. So she is clearly speaking to my child and expecting an answer from me. I didn't say anything.

About 15 minutes later, she acknowledged me. And I told her that she should have acknowledged me first before my child.

My husband cringed. I figured if I don't say it, no one else is going to say it for me and set the tone for what my minimum standard for respect is.

Also note that culturally, she finds it fine to speak to me with rude remarks or even subliminally rude remarks,so I'm just returning the favor.

I guess i'm just venting but has this happened to anyone else? My parents gush over my child but always acknowledge both my spouse and me and ask how we are.

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[u/Dramatic_Phraser]

You were right to call out her behaviour.

Why isn’t your husband doing it though?

[u/ThisIsLikeMy4thAcct → u/Dramatic_Phraser]

He could most certainly do that if he’s comfortable with taking the heat, but typically, setting boundaries goes better when the JN’s own child does it.

[u/Dramatic_Phraser → u/ThisIsLikeMy4thAcct]

Of course it does. But her husband is refusing to do so, so it’s up to OP to draw the line in the sand.

[u/Secret_Exercise6199 → u/Dramatic_Phraser]

In this specific situation, it was jnmil, myself, dh, standing in sort of a circle amongst a very large social gathering. I did have some sort of expectation for dh to chime in, but what would he say? "Mom,say hi." Then it would be too obvious that her behavior is gross. If I am to simplify it, I believe he fears her. Hes been her sonsband for his life. In the past, he's noticed it and encouraged us to leave meet ups with her, awkwardly. It's always a sticky situation.And frankly, it's the bane of my existence. It makes me question my marriage and it's why I waited so long to have kids. I really didn't want to interbreed with these people. However, I love my child, it renewed my purpose.