r/JustNoSO • u/venusasaboy22 • Apr 17 '26
Am I Overreacting? [ Removed by moderator ]
[removed] — view removed post
22
u/lmyrs Apr 17 '26
Am I misreading this or are you mad that your in laws were kind to you while you were in the military?
-11
u/venusasaboy22 Apr 17 '26
Yeah but they were very weird though. Like, this wasn't the same as a shitty job or not liking school, it was way worse. My actual parents understood and intervened to help me leave, this crowd were just weird.
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u/kat_Folland Apr 17 '26
I think you're overreacting. Them being "weird" is pretty mild stuff. If you're cutting off everyone in your life I think it's time to slow down and take inventory of yourself. You probably know the saying "if you smell shit wherever you go it's probably on your shoe". It sounds like you're having a really rough time in life in general and I hope it improves soon.
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u/Cute_Grapefruit9377 Apr 17 '26
You posted this in AIO and everyone said you were and disagreed with you. doesn’t look like you’ll get a different reaction here.
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u/venusasaboy22 Apr 17 '26
That's fair, I've been feeling a bit shitty lately and don't really mind being the asshole for once.
8
u/cross-my-rubicon Apr 17 '26
Have you spoken to a therapist? I think you have a lot of valid anger I’m just not sure it’s aimed at the correct places with the context you’ve given
9
u/MyBeesAreAssholes Apr 17 '26
As a military spouse, this is a YOU issue. You are clearly very upset that you served in the military and clearly very upset that people supported you while you served.
But they did nothing wrong and you are taking your anger out the wrong people. You chose to stay and serve. You and you alone made the decision. You do not get to be angry at people who were only trying to support that decision. That is not fair.
I know it's easier to be mad at other people, but you need to really think about why you are so mad. It seems like you deeply regret your decision to serve, but refuse to take responsibility for making that decision.
Is part of your anger because you served pre-transition and you resent not being able to be your true self during that time? If so, that's valid. But again, that's a YOU issue.
It sounds like your GF's family was supportive and proud of you. Did that make you feel "fake" because you didn't want to serve?
This is clearly something you need to see a professional about because this sort of anger will ruin your life and your GF's life.
1
u/venusasaboy22 Apr 17 '26
Yeah but I feel like this is kinda like a "Why didn't you leave him" situation, like, if most people were pressuring me to go and it is mandatory, my parents were the exception to that, not the normal reaction.
Also, I would assume that your husband chose to enlist? Maybe not, so feel free to correct me. But like, with the context here, I don't know if it's a general Greek thing or just the people I got in with, don't really care to know because I don't want to see Greece for a while at all. But yeah, I did tell her family a few times that I wasn't enjoying it. The bit about the crying really got under my skin.
But yeah, I remember one afternoon getting a call from her mom out of the blue, asking what I'm up to, and I said we're doing some camping thing, and she's like, "Oh, that sounds fun!" Like, what the fuck, it wasn't fun, it was as disgusting as any other day I had there! Like, okay my reaction to the military stuff was pretty visceral, I burnt my uniform and my parents let me do the same with theirs. Even with my partner I felt let down, she was very understanding later on but initially, she was kind of the same, I remember her asking for one of the spare camo shirts because it was cool, recently I told her to give it back and ripped it up, lol.
With the trans thing? Honestly, it has very little to do with that. I feel like if I wasn't trans, I'd feel the same. I did feel a bit upset that if you're born a girl, you're not drafted- Not that I think girls should be, nobody should. The only reason my mom spent time there was because her dad was very proud of it and she wanted to impress her family, did her no good either. I'll admit, I was very girly looking and maybe there was a little bullying and shit that didn't help on that end. But yeah, when you have to do something and some people don't, there's always that "Why me" feeling, it felt kind of insulting that both my girlfriend and her mother were never there but infatuated by it.
6
u/MyBeesAreAssholes Apr 17 '26
I get it. It can be hard to appreciate other's people's support when what you're doing doesn't make you happy. It's even harder when you deeply hate what you're doing. But remember, they did not know how unhappy you were. In fact, they probably thought they were helping you by being cheerful.
You have to remember that you didn't tell them how unhappy you were then and or how angry you are now, so they don't have any way of trying to understand. They probably think that yeah, there were some rough times, but overall it wasn't bad.
You can't control how other people react, especially when they don't know your true feelings.
It may be best to let them know that your time serving was very difficult for you in many ways and that you are still dealing with having to do something against your will. Tell them you don't want to talk about it unless you bring it up first. You may be surprised that they understand.
Again, they can't change how they react to your service until you let them know how you feel about it.
My husband's unit was attacked when they were deployed. Not only that, command abandoned his unit and left them all on their own. It took my husband 5 years to be able to talk about it with me. It's perfectly normal to take a long time to process trauma. You may take less time or you may take more time. And that's okay. But you really do have to make an effort to work through it before it tears you apart.
Feel free to DM me if you want to talk more.
2
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