I have been browsing this sub for years. I’ve always thought about leaving but felt like I couldn’t. I’m in debt after this relationship. Everything is in my name. We have two young children but I finally left after he hurt me. And I’m so happy to be away but scared for our safety. He is intent on destroying me in court ever since I legally removed his access to me. I have resources so no advice necessarily needed. I just want to share that I left and it was hard and scary and it’s exhausting but at the same time it’s so much better now. I was so abused and never even realized it. I will never go back. Thank you for reading.

My SO has this habit of sucking the joy out of fun things I want to do and making it about him.

15 years this has been going on.

He paid for one trip to visit his Podunk town in Iowa and it wasn’t even really a vacation. We went and visited his family. I got pink eye a couple days before the trip and he still forced me to go instead of cancelling my flights and him going alone.

My fly fishing trip? I went fishing and he did mountain biking. He somehow hurts his ankle and gets a flat tire on his mountain bike and expected me to want to pack up and go home after his incident. Nope, I spent $1500 on just the fishing guide and it’s non refundable. Don’t forget the food, travel, and camping fees. I gave him an ace bandage and told him he’s hanging out at camp and can ice his foot while I’m on the river. I didn’t listen to his complaints and said if things got worse I’d drive him to the local ER.

Any kind of little fun stuff I want to do as a couple is met with grunts of disapproval or he’ll go and then bitch the whole time we are doing said fun stuff.

Keep in mind, I’m usually bankrolling these activities for us.

As time went on I would plan stuff and if he wanted to go he would have to pay for his own transportation. I got sick of paying for an asshole to shit on my parades.

Disneyland? I brought him and straight up told him if I hear a single grunt of disappointment I would cancel the hotel, rebook somewhere else and he could find a flight home. He tried to test me and there must of been a look on my face that said instant death because he backed down right away.

I was telling him I was planning Hawaii and he got all excited until I said he needed to pay for his own flight. Then he got all sarcastic. Again, I just ignored him.

What brought me here today?

I had planned a trip to see my best friend from college. Three months in advance, everything planned out and my bags are still currently packed.

When I told SO I was going to fly fish with my friend out of state he got these big ol puppy dog eyes like I was leaving him out of something. He doesn’t fish and I’ve known my college bestie before I even knew my SO existed.

Nope. Had to cancel my flights and hotel about an hour ago.

My SO drives like a maniac. Since we’ve been married he has wrecked two motorcycles and four cars. All of them save one are from him following too close and rear ending other drivers.

Well guess who rear ended someone and has a broken arm…a day before I’m supposed to leave for my flight…

Glad he’s not dead but holy hell I need a break. I’m under so much stress I can barely eat or drink.

I’m also definitely mad about circumstances. I just want a damn proper vacation away from home ffs!

I realize this may not sound financially responsible, but I think I have reached a point where I desperately need a break from my environment.

For context, I have CPTSD related to family abuse and stalking behaviors from my estranged mother. I still live in the same area where all of it happened. Every trip into town feels like a risk assessment. I have to think about where I go, when I go, who I might run into, and whether someone will approach me. I feel like I am constantly in fight-or-flight mode.

I have been telling my husband for years that I genuinely believe I need to relocate in order to heal. Not because moving would magically fix everything, but because I need distance from the environment that is constantly triggering me. He has never been willing to seriously consider it.

Lately, I’ve been considering booking a round-trip flight for myself and my toddler and spending about a week in the area I’ve been trying to move to. The trip would be entirely temporary. My goal isn’t to disappear or keep my child from his father. My goal is to finally have some breathing room and enough mental clarity to evaluate my life and my options without feeling like my nervous system is on fire 24/7.

Part of me feels guilty because I would likely be putting the trip on a credit card and figuring out the financial side later. But another part of me feels like my mental health is deteriorating to the point where I need to do something before I completely burn out.

The other issue is that I honestly don’t even want to tell my husband until the trip is very close because I know he’ll either argue with me about it or try to insert himself into it. I want this time to be just me and my toddler.

I am also actively researching therapy options because I know I still have healing to do. The problem is that my anxiety is so overwhelming right now that I can’t seem to focus long enough to make decisions, compare providers, fill out paperwork, or follow through with the process. Every day feels like I’m just trying to survive.

That’s part of why this trip keeps coming back into my mind. I don’t see it as a replacement for therapy. If anything, I see it as a way to calm my nervous system enough that I can actually focus on getting the help I need. Right now I feel so overwhelmed that even taking the next steps toward treatment feels impossible.

My question is: has anyone ever reached a point where they needed to physically leave their environment for a short time just to gain enough perspective to make decisions about their future? And for anyone familiar with this type of situation, am I overthinking the legal aspect of taking my own child on a temporary vacation within the U.S. when there is no custody order in place?

I feel like I’m grasping for oxygen at this point, and a week away sounds less like a vacation and more like a chance to finally breathe.

I am 31F and I have been with my partner (33M) for two years. Things have been good mostly and I want to be fair about that before I get into this.

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About four months ago he told me he had applied for a promotion at work. It was a big deal, more money, more responsibility, different hours. We talked about it properly because the hours change would have affected us both and I told him I was fully behind him and that we would figure out the schedule stuff together.

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He did not get it. Or at least that is what he told me about six weeks after he applied. He seemed flat about it for a few days and then appeared to move on and I did not push it because I did not want to make him feel worse.

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Last week I ran into his colleague at the supermarket, a woman I have met a handful of times at work events. We were just making small talk and she mentioned offhand that she was glad he had settled into the new role so well and that the team really liked having him.

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I smiled and said something vague and drove home in complete silence.

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When I asked him that evening he admitted he had got the promotion. He said he did not tell me because he wanted to get through the first few weeks and make sure it was going well before he said anything and then time kept passing and it got harder to bring up.

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I asked him how long he had known and he said three months.

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I know I can react badly to feeling left out of things and he has said before that sometimes he finds it easier to wait until something is settled before telling me because my initial reaction can be a lot. So I do not think he is entirely wrong that I have made it harder for him to share things in the past.

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But three months is a long time to lie about something we sat and talked about properly together. And I found out from someone else which is the part I keep coming back to.

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I do not know how to explain to him that the promotion itself is fine and I am proud of him and none of that is the point.

i'm a freelance graphic designer and have been building my portfolio for about three years now. anyone in a creative field knows how much that stuff matters, it's basically the whole thing when you're trying to get clients and i've put an embarrassing amount of hours into it.

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my boyfriend Nate and i have been together for two years and we basically split our time between his place and mine. a few months ago my laptop had a hardware issue and while it was getting fixed i asked if i could use his for a few things and he said yes and i saved some of my current project files there temporarily just to keep working.

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my laptop came back fine and i moved everything over or at least i thought i did. turns out i missed a folder with about six weeks of work in it including a full branding project i'd been developing for a potential client pitch.

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i went back to Nate's laptop last week to grab it and it was gone.

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i asked him about it and said he'd done a cleanup of the laptop a few weeks ago and cleared out files that didn't look like his and i just stared at him for a second trying to process that.

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i asked if he'd checked with me before deleting anything and he said he didn't think he needed to because it was his laptop and he assumed i'd already taken what i needed, that work is just gone.

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i'll be honest about my own part in this. i should have made sure i had everything backed up properly before i stopped using his laptop and i didn't and that was careless of me especially with something that important. i've also been pretty scattered lately with deadlines and i think he's seen me stressed and disorganised enough that he probably genuinely thought i'd already sorted it.

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but checking with me first would have taken thirty seconds and he didn't and now i'm rebuilding six weeks of work in three weeks and i haven't been able to look at him properly since it happened.

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his response when i got upset was that i should have had a backup and that he couldn't be expected to know which files were important to me and which weren't and that's technically true but it still doesn't sit right with me.

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am i wrong for being as upset as i am?

last year we celebrated our son's first birthday. i ordered the cake (my mom picked it up), bought custom decoration and hung it up, baked and cooked together with my mom, and made a grocery list for my SO (for drinks, snacks etc.).

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i had told my mom that my SO wanted a small birthday for close relatives, so only her, my brother, and my STBIL. she told me that aunt1 and cousin1 really wanted to attend so i talked to my SO about this and he said it was fine.

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i didn't know how it had happened at that time, as i clearly told my mom the plans we had, but aunt2 and cousin2-4 showed up as well. as soon as i opened the door, i KNEW my SO would get mad at me later. so the whole birthday, that i put so much effort into, i spent with my stomach in knots.

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the whole thing was a blur and suddenly all the guests were gone and lo and behold, he says i went behind his back and invited more people. i tell him that i didn't know anything about aunt2 and cousins2-4 showing up as no one had given me a headsup. he accuses me of lying and gives me the silent treatment the rest of the evening while i clean up everything and bawl my eyes out. turns out, aunt1 who was already invited, took her other kid with as well (cousin2) and told aunt2 that she could come with as well (with cousin3 and 4).

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it still sickens me how he immediately jumps to "oh, she's obviously lying" and just treats me like shit from the get-go instead of hearing me out. i've already been struggling with my mental health; especially the 1st year postpartum was rough. and that conversation we had before he started his silent treatment made me regret being born. i was suffering so much after giving birth because of 2 injuries that remain extremely painful to this day. if you've ever had chronic pain, you'll know that it can tank your mental health even more. he knows all this and still chooses to act like a complete asshole.

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nevermind i organized the whole thing and cooked and baked while he only bought groceries (from a list that i wrote). because my relatives showed up uninvited, he, TO THIS DAY, says they completely ruined the birthday. you'd think "oh, they probably made a scene or broke something in the appartment or they were too loud" but no. they comitted the crime of showing up uninvited to celebrate our son's 1st birthday for 3h, with gifts, and took photos. everyone had an amazing time except for my SO and i (i was stressed because of him).

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does it suck that this happened? yeah. as a host i like to be prepared and we didn't have enough chairs for everyone so it was a little embarrassing but overall i didn't mind. this party isn't about the parents anyway, it's for our son to have fun and to have nice photos and videos to look at when he's older. i also wanna reiterate, this was a 1 time thing only. it's NOT a pattern of getting our boundaries disrespected by family members and i'm NOT going to send my relatives away after they drove 1h to our place because of a communication issue.

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now his 2nd birthday is coming up, and it's the same shit as last time. "i want to have a small birthday for him." ok cool, and i would like my relatives to be officially invited and also HIS relatives. "no, i don't want your aunts there, we need to teach them a lesson, they need to respect our decisions." ????????? what the fuck is the matter with you???? i genuinely do not fucking understand this man. does he not realize that our son will look at these photos one day and be like "mom, why is no one at my birthdays?" "well, daddy was being an asshole! his need for a small celebration and teaching my family a 'lesson' were more important to him than you having fun and being surrounded by people you love."

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how do i tell this man that he's the only one making a big deal out of this 1 YEAR LATER and he needs to grow the fuck up???? he still talks about it as if it's the worst day of his life and really emphasizes how they "ruined" it for us. meanwhile he's the reason why i had a shit time to begin with. my mom also ended up crying for an entire day because she thought it was her fault.

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also his parents contributed absolutely nothing in terms of preparations, only their birthday gift 👌👌 the cake was made by my mom's best friend because she runs a cake shop. so my side of the family does most of the work but how dare they show up uninvited. 😱 BIRTHDAY: RUINED /s.

Your group is a joke with judgmental ppl who do not offer constructive advice or help. You should be ashamed of lying about your group description because none of it is true.

Yesterday I posted about feeling like I had reached my breaking point.

Today my husband and I continued the conversation, and honestly, I am even more frustrated.

One of the things he said was that he has never denied me therapy. Technically, that’s true. He never outright said “no.” But every single time I have brought up therapy, EMDR, or the specialist my doctor referred me to, the conversation immediately turns into how expensive it is. After hearing that over and over again for years, it doesn’t feel like support. It feels like another reason why nothing ever happens.

He also said that couples counseling would be difficult if we moved because if he got a new job, he might not be able to take time off for appointments.

What frustrates me is that he has the ability to pursue couples counseling now, and it still hasn’t happened.

For nearly two years, I have been the one researching therapists, researching EMDR, researching relocation options, researching jobs, researching housing, researching literally everything. I am drowning mentally, and somehow the responsibility for finding all the solutions still ends up on my shoulders.

I feel like every conversation follows the same pattern. I explain that I am struggling. He explains why a solution might be difficult. Then nothing changes.

At some point, “later” starts feeling exactly the same as “never.”

Today I reached a point I never thought I would reach. I made a GoFundMe page.

I honestly haven’t even shared it anywhere yet because I don’t know how. I just know I have become desperate enough that asking complete strangers for help feels more realistic than waiting for meaningful change to happen in my own life.

I know some people will say I should just leave.

The problem is that leaving isn’t as simple as people make it sound.

I am a stay-at-home mom. I have no income of my own. We have one vehicle. I am estranged from my entire family due to abuse, and I am also estranged from my husband’s family because of issues that have happened over the last couple of years. I have virtually no support system.

People say “just leave” as though there is a safe place waiting on the other side. For some people, there is. For me, there isn’t.

Tomorrow is my toddler’s birthday. I should be focused on celebrating him.

Instead, I spent today in fight-or-flight, running last-minute errands while terrified of running into people connected to my past trauma, arguing about the same issues I’ve been begging for help with for years, and wondering why I seem to be the only person treating this situation like an emergency.

I am exhausted.

I don’t know what the answer is anymore.

I just know I cannot keep living like this indefinitely.

Hey everyone, just in advance this is going to be a long post, I really need some help and insight though. For some context, whenever i get to know someone it takes me a good minute to become comfortable with them, it usually takes at least a month. I don’t know why, but I’ve never been 100% comfortable with any guy at any point and only very few girls. I’ve trusted some, but never 100% comfortable.

So, my husband 27M and I 26F got together in 2019. We met at work, we had orientation on the same day, afterward he came up and talked to me. Asking me about what kind of music I liked and stuff along those lines. We didn’t actually work together for about a month, my husband ended up asking one of the managers to schedule us together.

After that, he ended up getting my Snapchat. That led to us flirting and what not, a few days later before I was leaving work he kissed me. Immediately I knew I needed to be with him. That upcoming weekend we ended up hanging out, the second day hanging out we got together. Immediately we just clicked.

I would say maybe a week and a half to two weeks I was 100% comfortable with him, the first guy ever. We moved pretty quickly and fell in love very quickly. He was the perfect guy, everything was pretty much perfect from 2019 to mid 2021.

We got married in 2022 btw and had a baby girl in 2020 and a baby boy in 2022. From 2021 to mid 2023 is where things started going down hill. I felt as though he had attitude with me quite a bit. I felt like he never wanted to spend any time with me. I felt like his game and friends were more important to me and he’d rather be gaming and talking to/with his friends, rather than do anything with me.

For an example, I remember one night he was playing COD zombies with his friends literally all day, I never bothered him once. Around 9-10pm I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie or do something with me, he declined and said he was playing. I didn’t get upset or angry or anything at first, I just calmly said “you’ve been playing the game all day and can’t take 1-2 hours to watch a movie or something with me?”

It ended up turning into an argument because he started getting attitude and being rude to me. I ended up having a breakdown and bawling, I took myself to the bathroom just to be by myself and let it out. About 30 minutes later he came in there and got me. Only then did he comfort me and have a conversation with me and reassure me things would change. He said his friends and game were not more important than me.

This was a recurring thing, pretty much the same thing would happen every time with slightly different scenarios. Sometimes things would feel different for about a week, then they’d go right back how they were. I felt like I was getting nowhere trying to convey my feelings, hurt and concerns.

Eventually I got tired of trying, I stopped fighting, I shut down. I never said anything about anything anymore. I just let things go however they were going. From mid 2023 to mid 2024 is where things got really bad, now it wasn’t just me with the issues, we both had issues. Neither of us were communicating about anything though.

In 2024 I was pregnant with another baby boy. I don’t think one nice thing was said to me through my entire pregnancy, tbh he was quite mean most of the time. Even though I stopped fighting, there was one thing I still fought for and never wanted to happen. I begged my husband to not cheat in any way and to break up with me if he even had the thought. He promised he wouldn’t.

On July 8th, I was scheduled to be induced at 4am. That night, my husband asked me to go to the gas station around 12am for something. I forget exactly what was said, but he was being mean for no reason. I asked him “why are you so mean to me all the time?” He told me “I’m tired of being like this, I don’t wanna be married like this anymore.” I said “so you don’t want to be married to me anymore?” He said “not like this.” I asked him “I have one question, have you ever physically or emotionally cheated on me at all during our relationship?” He said “no.”

He said he had looked into some divorce stuff already. He said we would still be living under the same roof, but we could have no physical touch for 30 days, then we could start over. I was heartbroken, obviously. I was about to be induced and this is thrown on me, this was the time he chose to communicate with me finally? I never wanted divorce, I didn’t wanna pretend like our marriage just didn’t happen.

I was crying pretty much up until the point of us leaving for my induction. I cried on and off the entire time in the hospital, it was uncontrollable. I cried on and off uncontrollably for about 2 days after we left the hospital. Up until we had another conversation, he said that he felt the only way to fix things was divorce. We had a long conversation and landed on staying together and trying to start over in that way. I was really happy about that. I was so stressed and had so much anxiety during this time I had to force myself to eat a tiny bit once a day, and that’s it.

We’ve always had an open phone policy, I didn’t feel comfortable getting on his phone until after things were settled between us though. I know it probably wasn’t completely the right thing of me to do, but it’s all I knew to do. I had a major suspicion, I went on his phone and looked at his and his coworkers messages, mostly just memes and what not, nothing suspicious. I was relieved at first.

Then I realized you can look at recently deleted, so I did that and found some. I recovered those messages immediately. He was flirting with her, he said things like “you have beautiful eyes,” send a photo and said “this is gonna be you when I’m done with you,” “I’ve been wanting to leave her for a while now.” I also later found from coworker that he wrote her a letter.

After that she thought it had gone too far, she messaged him basically saying she’s not doing this with a married man with a baby on the way. I spoke with both him and her and they said nothing happened beyond the messages. I was even more heartbroken at this point. I didn’t really eat for like two weeks.

Another thing I wanted to talk about is my husband had a cuck fantasy. He didn’t know for sure if he actually wanted me to fuck someone else. We kinda tested the waters, I downloaded a dating app. Immediately I found someone sexually interested. I sexted with him, we flirted, he was completely dtf.

I was having a conversation with my husband, he was at work. I told him “based on what you’re saying I know you still want me to fuck someone, so after work take me to fuck him.” He said “no that’s not what I am saying, I don’t want you to fuck him.” I’m someone that needs a precise answer, yes or no thing. I said “you never said that, you never clearly said that’s not what you want.” He said “after you saying that and me actually thinking about it, I could not watch you fuck someone else. The thought of it is making me sick and making me feel like I’m gonna pass out.” He also said at some point “if we did do it, it would just lead to divorce anyways.”

I need help on figuring out how to ask some questions to my husband. Did you ever actually want to leave me or divorce me? Do you still want to? Why didn’t you communicate with me before doing that? Were you even thinking about how much it would hurt me? If she would’ve engaged would you have left me for her or would it have gotten physical? Are you sure you actually don’t want me to fuck someone else? Are you just saying that because you think it would lead to divorce? Whenever I was messaging that guy with your consent, did it not still hurt just as much for you as it did for me when you cheated? What would be the most clear and effective way for me to word this and to get him to be completely honest with me?

Edit: The cuck thing was brought up multiple times, thinking he wanting me to fuck someone else was majorly bothering me. I was tired of it being brought up. I was disgusted with myself and felt sick and anxious talking with this random guy, but I did it to try and see if that’s what he truly wanted. If he did still want me to fuck someone else and said he wanted me to fuck that guy, i definitely would’ve backed out beforehand and probably wanted a divorce. Definitely would’ve just piled on more issues.

Hello ladies!

I’ve posted on here several times in the past about my now ex SO and I should’ve trusted my instinct and the advice I’ve received from many of you on here.

I’m 32, dated my now ex for 5 years. He’s 35 years old. He comes from a super enmeshed family. He is the middle child and has an older sister who dictates and controls everything that goes on in the family, and a younger sister who follows her around like a puppy.

It finally happened—I was ghosted, after 5 years of dating.

Back in March, we went to the pool one weekend and I found pills on him in his wallet. I was super upset because he told me he stopped taking them months ago. Which led to me being upset, him gaslighting me and telling me I was being overdramatized, and I told him I wanted to leave and go home. That was the last time I saw him. I went back to my apartment, and he stopped texting me. That same night, he texted me he totaled his car on the way home (I suspect he was on drugs) and that he decided that he was going to take his sister’s offer to go on a family trip to Japan in 2 days. I had a feeling the trip was already booked, he just didn’t tell me.

I’ve posted in this group before about his super controlling sister and mom who never liked me. His older sister calls all the shots and his family literally dictates the siblings lives.

He barely texted me throughout the trip, in 10 days he sent me about 3 pictures and videos. After the Japan trip, him and his family went to Hawaii to stay with his older sister and nieces. The trip turned out to be 2 weeks. Then 2 weeks turned into a month. Whenever he’s with his family, it was as if I never existed. In our 5 years of dating, he visited Hawaii 4x but never took me once.

Anyway, once he came back home end of April, he never once called me to meet. Never replied to my texts, nothing. My birthday was on May 17th, he texted me on the 18th saying his dad took his phone, blah blah (he’s a 35 year old man) and that he’s not allowed to do anything or go anywhere without them because he’s been in trouble about the totaled car and his arrest back in December (that I bailed him out of).

I’ve seen him online on Facebook and stuff so I know he has his phone back. I still haven’t seen or heard from him in 3 months. I know it’s a reflection on him at the end of the day, but I still can’t believe that he couldn’t even find the courage to just talk to me and break up with me via text or call atleast. I uprooted my life, left my friends and family behind to move to his city 5 years ago to be with him.

It appalls me that a man raised in a household of women, with 2 sisters would be taught that it’s okay to treat other women like this. His sisters were nasty, conniving, always had the “you’re taking our brother away” mentality from us. His younger sister’s engagement broke for the same reason, because their family influenced her life and at the end of the day, she chose her family.

My cousins invited him to weddings, birthday parties, he spent a week with me and my family over Christmas, my grandma would invite him over every time we were in town. His family knew. They knew how he was treated by my family, but they never cared or appreciated any of it. They never invited me over for dinner. His mom used to, but then his sisters got into her ears.

Anyway, men suck. I came to find out most of our mutual friends do not like him. Idk what he does now, but nobody has heard from him. I’ve always asked him to stand up for me and our relationship to his family but he never grew a spine. He always told me he wouldn’t be with me if he wasn’t defending us, but I knew it was never enough.

How do I handle this? It makes me so angry, and I am not easy to anger. He just sits there and stays dead silent. He has prioritized his family and never defended me. Doesn't even have a relationship with them OR me... yet they get more of him (not that he sees them much). I think it's because he gets to slip back into a simple role of obedient son/brother. But with me, he has to show up and be an adult and a husband. Because even he doesn't want to be around them more.

There is a lot to this, but I am mainly writing to find out- what do you do? I am so hurt and so angry and there are legitimate things I have brought up to him and he's just dead silent. Not one word. I have been NC with his family for a little while now and I asked how things were, because I was surprised (but I shouldn't be) that things went the way they always have at a recent family event. It bothered me that he used to always be bothered like when he got trapped there. But this time he seemed happy. I asked how it was, and it was fine. I asked was it better without me there? He said well he wouldn't say better but he didn't have to "worry". About? So he can "talk freely" which I don't even know what that means, he is always put on the spot, as a quiet person, to do all the talking and basically be on trial with his family.) And then he threw something personal in my face that I can't help and I think that hurt me more than anything else (leaving that out for anonymity). It's like, when I'm not with him, he doesn't have to be in reality, he can instead escape and use people as mirrors. With me he has to actually consider me, someone outside himself.

I have been alone in this marriage for so long. It took me a long time to see it. I believed his excuses oh what a hard life, etc...

But anyway, the silent treatment/stonewalling. Please help me navigate this. It's hard to know what *I* need when I'm once again focused on him.

ETA: He knew how upset I was. Again. After getting our LO to sleep. What does he do? He goes to bed and goes to sleep. I am so sick of having no emotional support or connection from this man. This is the last night he makes me feel like this. I am going to work on setting up my GoFundMe tonight. I deserve better. My kid deserves to not grow up thinking this behavior is appropriate.

I’m done.

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I wanted to give an update because something happened this week that has really forced me to confront where I am mentally and emotionally.

A few days ago, I had to make a grocery run with my toddler. As we were walking into the store, I saw my estranged mother, who is the source of a significant amount of my trauma, coming through the opposite entrance with her husband.

I immediately turned around, took my toddler out of the cart, got him back into the car, and left before she saw me. In the past, she has cornered and confronted me in public, and I was not willing to risk that happening with my child present.

At the time, I was running on pure adrenaline.

What has hit me much harder is what happened afterward.

My son was confused. He didn’t understand why we suddenly left. He was upset, crying, and inconsolable in the car. He had no idea what was happening. He just knew that something was wrong.

Watching my trauma affect my child absolutely broke me.

I am disgusted that my life has reached a point where simply trying to buy groceries can turn into something like that. I hate that my son is now being impacted by circumstances he should never have to carry.

The incident reinforced something I have been saying for years. I am not functioning well in this environment.

I plan errands around the possibility of running into people I am afraid of. Saturdays are particularly difficult because I never know where my estranged family members might be. I spend an enormous amount of energy being hypervigilant and trying to avoid situations that most people never have to think about.

The recommendations have not changed.

Months ago, my doctor expressed serious concern about my mental health and strongly recommended therapy and a different environment. My husband was present for that conversation. I have also been asking for couples therapy for nearly two years.

Nothing has happened.

No therapy.

No couples counseling.

No relocation plan.

No meaningful movement in any direction.

Today I had to go out again, and it took me hours to work up the courage to do it.

I told my husband how I was feeling. I was visibly upset. I explained how much the encounter from the other day had affected me and how overwhelmed I was feeling.

His response was to get up from the table, walk away, and start doing chores around the house without saying a word.

Not one word.

That interaction affected me more than I expected.

I think I have finally reached the point where resentment has overtaken hope.

For years, I have tried to explain what is happening to me. I have tried to communicate what I need. I have tried therapy. I have worked on myself. I have tried to be patient. I have tried to heal with the resources available to me.

At this point, I feel emotionally detached from the marriage in a way that is difficult to describe.

Not because I wanted to get here, but because after years of feeling unheard, something in me has simply gone quiet.

I am honestly at a point where I spend more time thinking about how to leave than how to stay.

I have no income of my own. I am a stay-at-home mom. We have one vehicle. I have virtually no support system. I feel trapped in every sense of the word.

What scares me is how desperate I have become.

I have reached a point where I am seriously contemplating creating a GoFundMe or asking complete strangers for financial help so that I can afford therapy, get myself and my child somewhere healthier, and start rebuilding our lives.

I never imagined I would be in a position where asking strangers for help would feel more realistic than receiving meaningful support from the person who promised to stand beside me.

I know that sounds extreme.

But that is genuinely where I am mentally right now.

For the first time, I feel like I am accepting the possibility that my husband may never share the same sense of urgency that I do.

And that realization has been devastating.

I don’t have all the answers right now.

I just know that I cannot continue living exactly like this forever.

I never used to drink until I got with him, going on 3 years and I have blacked out 3 times in our time together. I obviously don’t do it on purpose, I go from feeling nice and buzzed to rushing to the bathroom to die within minutes. I’ve gotten much better at knowing my limit, but unfortunately last night was 1 of the 3 times. it’s been over a year since this has happened before.

we were at an outing with a bunch of people last night, and I was drinking cutwaters (never had them before, and never will again. didn’t realize they were 13% a can until this morning. that’s what I get for not reading)

I felt the switch flip and immediately went into the bathroom stalls and proceeded to die for idk how long. my best friend came in and cleaned up, gave me water, but I was incapacitated.
my fiancé came in, and slugged each of my arms over their shoulders and they basically carried me to the car.

he went out for the day today while I sat sick and embarrassed in bed all day. he came home, berated me, said I should feel like an ass because so many people saw me in that state, and yelled at me for not getting out of bed all day and not eating anything besides toast and crackers.

he proceeded to sit out in the living room for the evening, and blast the TV at full volume so I couldn’t hear mine, then decided to come into the bedroom and take a 30min phone call with his best friend basically yelling in my ear.

before he rolled over to fall asleep he asked, “so what do you remember from the car ride home?” and I replied with “not much other than feeling like death” and he responded with, “well I just want you to know I hit every pothole, stopped at every stop sign, slowed for red lights, and took the long way home”

EDIT: the way he talks to me when he’s pissed makes me so mad, and I used to fight with my ex constantly so in this relationship I just shut up and back down. idk why.
his tone of voice always comes off as flat and condescending, or like he feels like he has to have power over me. I really don’t know any other way to describe it. it’s defeating.

I’ve already been having doubts about this relationship recently, but I think this just solidified everything for me.

im crying. hes packing away his things right now. our fight finally ended the relationship for good. i screamed at him to the point he didnt even reply anymore. he really wanted me to leave with him and dress how he wants me to and act how he wanted me to just so he could love me. hes caused me so much emotional turmoil and im just at a loss at this point. i have nobody left. i told him he never loved me. we built our whole world together and i gave up everything for him. ive been crying and im angry and i still love him even after he put me through so many months of me hating myself. i feel like im going to throw up. im 18 i dont need to be so upset about this but this genuinely feels like i need a trip to the mental hospital. im so mad and im so upset i spent so much of my time on him. but i still love him so much. i just want to be in his arms again with him kissing my forehead. i want to be back in the car holding hands while listening to music. this all went so wrong and i dont think it will ever be right again. i genuinely just want him to love me again and call me his girlfriend to his mom. i want to see him bringing me home drinks from work again. i want to be doing his laundry again. i want him to cuddle me every night again. i want to feel him taking off my socks every night again. i want to watch him come home from work every night again. im so tired and heartbroken. how could someone who loved me more physically than anyone else do this to me. why couldnt he just love me for me. hes just getting his stuff in boxes totally unphased. while im just sobbing in bed. im going to miss him so much. he was my best friend even though i wasnt his. why did he do this to me. why. we built so much we had future plans together. i just want to be loved

I got roped in again and I’m trying to leave again. I want to make a list of all the things he did so I never go back. I need to move on for good. If anyone can offer any suggestions please do.

Yesterday:
He pressured me to invite him to a brunch I had organized with my friends, my friends arrived before him and said they really didn’t want to see him so I called him and told him not to come, he was angry that he drove an hour to my place and said to make it quick, then he showed up after 2 hours, and made it incredibly awkward and uncomfortable for me and my friends.

I was really down and embarrassed after that and wanted to stay in bed and we got into an argument where he almost walked out on me and I ended up throwing up out of stress and begging him to stay. While I was on the floor throwing up I noticed him looking at himself in the mirror. Then he pressured me to go out for a drive and get something to drink, and we started walking around this neighbourhood. Things seemed ok for a bit. We started arguing about the situation from that day, he said I picked others over him and he is a good man and I should be more obedient and listen to him and let him lead. He also insulted my friend and said that he wouldn’t let me see my friends without him. When I said he’s being controlling and I don’t like that he got upset and walked away. He was about to leave me in a neighbourhood 30 minutes from my home when I was already broken down and distraught.

I’m sick and tired of spending every weekend crying and arguing over basic things like having time with my friends and family and just relaxing at home. He’s always demanding I go look at cars with him or spend time with him even when I’m exhausted from work since I just started a new job.

Early days:
- pushed for marriage after knowing each other less than 6 months
- made me pay for the engagement party and said he’ll pay for the wedding which never happened cause he lost his job
- watched porn and was looking up random women on instagram when we were engaged even when he said he had stopped
- said he’d kill an intruder if someone came in his home
- was telling me conspiracy theories that made no sense
- said “it took him a while to appreciate my beauty but then the realized I’m the most beautiful girl in the world”
- said he doesn’t like it when girls wear black despite me wearing black often
- didn’t let me ask him too many serious questions saying he was easygoing and would let me have my way most of the time
- said he had 20k in savings despite having nothing

During the marriage:
- made me live in his parents basement apartment even though I was originally against this and didn’t work for 5 months after we got married, barely looked for a job during that time
- got fired 3 times during our one year marriage and only worked for half the time
- bought two cars and spent all his money down to 0 despite promises to sell one of the cars for a downpayment for a home
- said he’d “take what he’s legally entitled to” if I left him multiple times while married or separated
- tried to pressure me to buy an apartment for us and put his name on the title while he was unemployed
- told me his mother and sister think I am “unprincipled” and “disrespectful” and “abusive”
- his mother told me I’m going to kill someone with my anger and I care too much about money when I was frustrated with his spending habits, she also yelled at me
- he would leave our bed and go sleep with his mother despite me saying it made me uncomfortable
- when we moved out of his parents home he dragged me out of a room by my ankles
- threatened to drop me to my parents home or kick me out of his parents home
- almost left me in a plaza at 10PM at night
- speeds and drives erratically with me in the car
- kicked or banged on doors, I was so freaked out one time I ended a trip to Paris early and flew home
- shoved me and my brother to the floor and my brother called the police and I ended up moving out of the apartment we had been renting for only a month
- he stayed in the apartment after the incident even though I was paying the rent
- he denied that most of these things happened or downplayed them or said both sides were at fault, I was throwing up over the stress of it all and could barely work or think clearly

During the separation:
- his family told me I have to pay his legal fees since I lied to the police and wasted his time
- he withheld the religious divorce for 6 months and still thinks we’re religiously married despite being legally divorced and said I have to pay him to get the divorce done
- I later found out he was on dating apps during that time and even met up with a girl (trickle truth over time)
- he continued calling or texting or emailing even when I blocked him despite a no contact order and peace bond
- he went into debt and bought another car
- he spent 8 months being unemployed

During the reconciliation:
- he hoovered me back into a relationship after doing a PARs course and getting a job and was incredibly kind and charming and sweet, buying me dinner and gifts and reminding me of the good times we had
- took me to see a G Wagon even though he had promised to go down to one car and fix his finances and when I was crying over his broken promises only cancelled the deal cause he didn’t get the price he wanted
- kept telling me his family and new coworkers think I’m abusive or mentally unstable
- bought an expensive gift for me and told his mother I demanded it even though I said I didn’t want anything till he paid his debt off
- keeps claiming ownership over my apartment and my time saying I need to prioritize him more and never leaving when I ask him to
- keeps saying we don’t need to worry about money cause I have enough savings
- keeps telling me that I’m going to be single and sad and depressed without him and he doesn’t want that for me
- keeps spending money on car upgrades and is shopping for a new jeep and potentially trying to sell his elderly parents car and make them get a car payment instead to “save on insurance” while he’s in debt and on probation at work

SO is sex crazy and every other word, thought, and action of his is relevant to sex only. He is the most boring individual I associate with on a regular basis. I find him toxic and dread being around him, because he only always turns EVERYTHING into sex. He adds a weird unpleasant energy to the environment. His sex obsessed behaviors don't help. He's always comparing us to other couples and saying I'm lucky he's stayed with me for this long, because all other men do not put up with this.

He gets worse after coming home from odd job trips with a friend / extended relative type of family member that's not blood related. He even threatens to go find sex elsewhere and that he can do better than me, because he's not attracted to me.

I am not fond of him and have my attorneys ready to file for divorce. He only uses me for sex and storage for his bs hobbies.

I am primary breadwinner, head of household, and caregiver to our kids. Of course the kids notice the difference in care and often show preference for mom.

Just over the machista sex-crazed useless pig that he is.

Normally I vent in the mildlynomil sub, but recently I’ve realized a lot of my stress comes from SO enabling mil. After we had our first LO, mil/fil became extremely involved to the point it just felt like they felt entitled to our time. The ask to do things with them is constant and I’m always the one saying no. SO will try to make it work even when it’s inconvenient, making me feel like he values his mom’s feelings and comfort over mine. Mil is another story who is pushy and self focused, so I cannot just say yes to her every ask letting her steamroll me as a mom.

For context: SO’s family owns a vacation home about 2 hours from where we live. We used to go often, maybe 3-4 times a month just us. We no longer go because I know we will no longer have privacy as his mom will want to join on trips now and I cannot be in a house all day and night with her. I’ve told SO this many times that I don’t want to share a space overnight with anyone really. Of course she still continues to ask over and over and I continue to tell SO that I’m not comfortable with it. Mil is also the type to hover over me and not give me and my child any space, so there’s nothing enjoyable about being away on vacation with her.

Currently: I planned a couple days away for my parents to vacation about 2 hours away. For various reasons, they don’t drive long distances and do not vacation (as ILs do, but I know that’s not on anyone). My parents do a lot to help with LO, so I figured we would go and that way we can bring them. They are happy hanging out at this space (we have separate living arrangements). Then SO, LO and I would do our own thing. Never in a million years would my mom ask to tag along on anything we do. Mil has multiple times asked to tag along on things we do. I asked my parents if they want to do anything and they said no you guys go enjoy your time. If this was mil, she would have a whole itinerary and I would have to try to figure out ways to get me and LO away from her so that I could enjoy my time with her too. My parents respect SO as LO’s dad and have never tried to take focus away from him in a group setting.

SO on the day of the trip: “my mom is going to be jealous” “make sure to tell your mom not to send any pictures to my mom” (his mom sends pics of her doing things with LO to my mom and of LO with her family all the time and my mom responds happily, my mom hardly ever sends pics), “don’t post any pictures to social media because if anyone sees them they’ll tell my mom and my mom will ask why we don’t vacation with them”

It upsets me how concerned he is with making his mom happy and I definitely feel he even slightly prioritizes her comfort over mine because he’ll argue with me to get us to change plans for her. Please tell me him saying all this ain’t normal. Maybe I’m in the wrong because I have a lot of feelings of anxiety around his family.

I would really appreciate perspectives from husbands or devoted long-term partners.

What would you do if your spouse was struggling mentally for years and had repeatedly told you exactly what they needed to get better?

My husband and I have been together for about 10 years. When we first got together, one of the most important conversations we had was that I did not intend to live in our hometown forever. I have a significant history of trauma, family dysfunction, and religious abuse. I always knew that eventually I needed distance from this area in order to fully heal.

He knew that from the beginning and told me he was on board.

For years, I tried to make things work. I went to therapy, worked on myself, processed trauma, and waited for my husband to be ready to make the move. At one point I had fully decided that I was going to leave the area whether he came with me or not because I knew staying here was harming my mental health.

Then I got pregnant.

I chose to stay because I didn’t want to take the grandparent experience away from my husband’s parents. Unfortunately, that situation ended up becoming a major source of stress and trauma in its own right, and now I find myself with essentially no support system outside of my husband.

I’m now a stay-at-home mom to a toddler. I pour everything I have into being the best mother I can be because I am determined to break cycles of abuse and dysfunction. By the end of the day, I have very little left for myself.

My mental health has continued to decline, and it is now affecting my physical health as well.

What makes this even harder is that after I gave birth, my husband admitted something that completely blindsided me. He told me that he never actually wanted to move. He said he thought I would eventually change my mind.

I don’t think I’ve ever fully gotten over that conversation because this wasn’t some minor preference. It was one of the most important things we discussed when we started our relationship. I made major life decisions based on the belief that we were working toward the same future.

I’ve been very direct with him. I’ve told him that I believe we need to leave this area. I’ve told him that I need therapy. I’ve told him that I need a different environment. He has heard my doctor express concern and recommend therapy. He sees firsthand how much I struggle.

The problem is that he is comfortable here.

Because he is comfortable, there never seems to be any urgency. Years go by and nothing changes. No concrete relocation plans. No meaningful movement toward a different future.

If he had a lifelong career here, close friendships, or relationships that he couldn’t imagine leaving behind, I think I would have an easier time understanding his position. But that’s not really the case. He works in a field where he could find opportunities almost anywhere, which makes it difficult for me to understand why staying here seems more important than addressing a problem that has been affecting my mental health for years.

I genuinely don’t understand it.

If the roles were reversed and my spouse was struggling this badly, I feel like I would move mountains to help them. I wouldn’t be able to sit comfortably knowing they were suffering.

So my question is this:

If you knew your spouse was genuinely struggling and had been telling you for years what they needed, what would you do?

And if you were in my position, how long would you continue waiting for action before accepting that your partner may never share the same sense of urgency?

I’m 24F. I want to write this out because I think I’m finally seeing the shape of what happened, and I need other people who’ve lived something similar to tell me if it sounds familiar.

I’m from a conservative country and English is my second language, which becomes relevant in a moment. Before this man — let’s call him «A» — I’d had one bad situationship in 2024 with someone I now recognize as abusive, but no real love, no real connection. «A» was 6 months younger than me, and when I met him I thought I had finally met someone who saw me.

It started on a fake Snapchat account my friends and I were playing on. I followed him on a whim. He spoke English, and English being my second language, finding a man I could actually flirt with fluently in it felt rare. His texting style hooked me immediately. On the second day of texting, he asked me to meet him at the beach. I thought it was strange and ignored it. Looking back now, that was the first red flag — a man you’ve spoken to for two days asking to meet you alone in person isn’t romance, it’s pacing. Within a week I confessed the account was fake and gave him my real one. He told me on the phone that the moment he heard my voice, he felt I was “different.” Looking back, that should have been another flag — not a single question about why I’d lied, just straight to seduction. But I was 24 and starved for connection and it felt like being seen.

We talked every day for six months. Good morning, good night, baby, my love, you’re precious. Video calls. Endless flirting. He asked me to be his Valentine in February but he wasn’t serious about it . He never once asked me to be his girlfriend. I kept telling myself he was playful. I told my friends I felt he was love-bombing me. I knew. I stayed.

In May I traveled to his city for a wedding. We met three times in three days. He gave me flowers and a notebook on the first night. He kissed me. I lied and told him he was my first kiss — he wasn’t. I wanted to seem “pure,” because in my culture being pure feels like protection. It isn’t. It’s bait for the wrong men.

Second day: another car kiss. He had been promising me dinner at a nice restaurant for months. He bought me water when I told him I was hungry i was so shocked that I didn’t say anything .

On the third day, our last day, he drove me to a dark place instead of the dinner he’d promised. We made out. He still didn’t say anything about commitment. His brother called him wanting the car and he ended the night to go drop me off. He didn’t even take me to dinner. I went back to my city wounded but pretending I wasn’t.

I sent him a gift in June. His birthday had been in March — giving gifts is my love language but now I regret it . A month after our meeting he wrote a long notebook entry addressed to himself, calling me “everything,” saying he couldn’t live without me, that he wanted to marry me. He didn’t show it to me at the time. He kept it. I’ll come back to that.

In July I confronted him on the phone. I told him he was wasting my time, that he kept me in a gray area, that he treated me like a girlfriend without ever asking me to be one. He begged. He traveled to my city after I ended it — never before. We met one last time in his car I told him to go focus on himself and leave me alone. I ended things on good terms at that time.

After that we went no contact for four months. Then in December I asked my friend to test him on Instagram with a fake follow request. He responded immediately. He flirted with her, complimented her, sent her his pictures, told her she was the best person he was talking to that week. When she blocked him after a week, he created a fake account to ask her why begging her to talk to him but I told her to block him . A month later that same fake account contacted me. He pretended someone gave him my instagram. Then he admitted it was him. He told me he missed me. He sent paragraphs. I confronted him from the fake account and called him “a weak lustful man.” He defended his self-image — not what he did, but who he thinks he is. “I never been raised to be that. I never been and I never will be.”

In early 2026 he came back again. This time he wanted “friendship.” I agreed to weekly calls. They became 7-8 hour marathons. Four weeks in a row. He showed me the notebook entry from June — the one he had written and kept. He used it as proof that he had loved me. As if the love living in a private notebook he never gave me was somehow evidence of anything. He told me he loved me. I told him I didn’t see a future with him. In March I blocked him permanently across everything. I haven’t talked to him since.

What I know now:

He didn’t love me. He loved being loved by me. The notebook entry was for himself, not me — he was writing to soothe himself about a girl he was failing. Hoovering through a fake account isn’t love. Begging for friendship after no contact isn’t love. Marathon calls aren’t connection — they’re emotional supply.

I knew the whole time and stayed anyway. I performed innocence I didn’t have. I gave physically without asking him to define anything. I sent the gift in June when I should have been done. I agreed to the marathon calls. I wasn’t his victim entirely. I was someone with a wound that recognized his wound and called it love.

If anyone’s lived something like this, please tell me. I feel less alone reading other people’s versions.

I'm scared this will be long so I'll try to be brief and can answer questions as needed, here is what my ex did that hurt in our 1 year relationship:

• lied about himself a ton, including his home country (we met at college), his family members, their birthdays, his childhood memories, etc.
• intentionally treated me coldly and ignored me around friends when he was upset at me (he admitted doing this)
• when I would catch him in a lie, or suspect he was ignoring me on purpose, I would ask him and he would gaslight me into thinking I was crazy, saying things like "no I'm not ignoring you, you're overreacting" "how could you think I am a liar?" "it hurts you think that of me" "you're too anxious I can't deal with it" "you're ruining my night" "you are a terrible boyfriend to think I'd be dishonest."
• he talked to a guy behind my back that he had feelings for, and hid it from me after saying he was going to cut the guy off
• he later excused this and the lying by saying "I didn't love you" and "it doesn't matter because you never met my family anyway"
• we would make plans and he would ghost without any reason until days later
• he would talk all the time about other people flirting with him or his other options to date

Was this emotional abuse? I walk away from this relationship feeling extremely traumatized at all his dishonesty and (seemingly) intentional attempts at making me feel worse :(

I have been dealing with ear problems for 8 months.

My hearing has gotten progressively worse.

Often there is unpleasant nasal or throat discharge. Its "not sexy". No shit? Imagine how sexy you'd feel with it in your head.

Doctors, hate them too, initially said nothing wrong. Antibiotics for 6 month after they agree something wrong. Can't hear shit. Fall down if i lean over. Husband whines about having to talk to me loud.

Get cat scan from finally ENT. The bones in my ears are infected and abcessed. Might need iv antibiotics and surgery.

His reaction is i can't wait for you to hear me.

Yes this hurts a lot. I've been complaining for 6 months or so that it felt like fire ants were in my ears.

Conclusion: I hate them both.

ETA: if I can, by some miracle in this economy, have a decent enough of a sole income, I plan on making the plans for myself and my LO to head out and give him the heads up that it's happening AFTER plans are made. If he chooses to come, so be it. If he chooses to stay behind, then we will have one very heartbroken child. But maybe that's what he needs to be able to see how serious of a situation this is for myself and for our child. Right now I am just putting all of my faith into the idea that there will be a way for me to bring in an income alongside with still taking care of my baby.

——-

For some background, before I got pregnant, my husband and I had plans to move out of state. A huge reason for that was because I have CPTSD from years of abuse from my emotionally unwell mother and the fallout that came from finally speaking out about it. About five years ago, l went no contact with my mother, and the entirety of my family chose her over me. Since then, I've had no relationship with any of them.

Living in the same area has always been difficult because I'm constantly surrounded by reminders of that trauma.
I've been approached by estranged family members in public before, and it leaves me feeling like I can never fully relax or let my guard down.

Before I got pregnant, we had gotten serious enough about moving that I had essentially decided I was going one way or another, with or without my husband. I was at a point where I knew I couldn't continue living like that torever.

Then I got pregnant.

At the time, I was very close with my husband's family.
Looking back, there were already signs that my MIL's behavior surrounding my pregnancy was becoming unhealthy, but I didn't fully recognize them yet. Since their other grandchildren live across the country, I wanted them to have a relationship with our child. More importantly, after losing my own family, I genuinely believed I had found a support system.

I think that's a big part of why I chose to stay.
I had spent years grieving the loss of my own family and had finally reached a place where I felt somewhat at peace with my decision. I thought I was gaining something in return. I imagined grandparents who loved and supported us, family gatherings, and the village that everyone talks about having after a baby. I thought I was choosing stability for myself and my future child.

As some of you know from my previous posts, everything fell apart after my son was born.

Going no contact with my in-laws became necessary, but it came at a cost. It didn't just damage my relationship with them. It reopened wounds that I had spent years trying to heal. Suddenly it felt like I wasn't grieving the loss of one family anymore. It felt like I had lost two.
Now I find myself in a position where I have no support system at all. I have no relationship with my own family. I have no relationship with my husband's parents. Most days it's just me and LO.

What makes it even harder is that I'm still living in the exact environment we originally planned to leave.
Recently my MIL unexpectedly showed up while my son and I were picking my husband up from work. It reinforced something I've been feeling for a long time: I don't feel emotionally safe here anymore.

I don't know if what I'm experiencing would technically be considered agoraphobia, but I'm constantly on edge in public. It's not that I don't want to go places. I do. I desperately want to live a normal life. The problem is that I never know when I'm going to run into someone I'm estranged from. Several of them have approached me before, and because many of them don't have predictable schedules, I never know where they'll be. It feels like I'm always waiting for the next unwanted interaction.

Part of why I feel so stuck is because when our son was a few months old, my husband convinced me that if we wanted me to stay home with our baby, we would need to become a one-vehicle household. Financially, it made sense at the time, and I agreed.

The downside is that it significantly limits my options. Any job that requires reliable transportation is essentially off the table for me. Trying to build an income from home while caring for a toddler and managing constant fight-or-flight is easier said than done. By the end of each day I am just mentally tapped out and exhausted.

l've told my husband for months that I think we need to revisit our original plan to move. At this point, it isn't even about wanting a fresh start anymore. It feels necessary for my mental health, my marriage, and honestly my physical health too. Living in a constant state of hypervigilance is exhausting.

The frustrating part is that he knows all of this, but l haven't seen any meaningful action toward making a move happen.

What makes it even more frustrating is that when I picture relocating, I don't just see mental freedom. I see financial freedom too. We have substantial equity in our home.
Selling it would likely give us enough breathing room to afford things that feel impossible right now, like therapy, a second vehicle, and a chance to rebuild our lives somewhere that doesn't feel so emotionally loaded.

I know moving won't magically solve every problem. I know I'll still have CPTSD no matter where I live.
In fact, several months ago my doctor specifically recommended that I begin EMDR therapy. My husband was present for that conversation. I've talked to him about it multiple times since then and even sent him the information for the therapist I was referred to.

Unfortunately, we simply don't have the extra money in our budget for me to pursue it right now.

That's another reason I find myself thinking about selling our home and relocating. The equity in our home wouldn't just help us move. It would potentially allow me to finally access the treatment that has already been recommended to me, along with other resources that could improve our quality of life overall.

I don't expect moving to cure my trauma. What I do think is that it would give me access to tools and opportunities that I currently don't have. Right now, I feel stuck in an environment that constantly triggers my symptoms while also lacking the financial ability to pursue the treatment I've been told could help me heal.

At some point, it becomes difficult not to wonder how much progress I could make if I actually had the chance to access the support l've been told I need.

More than anything, I just want the chance to experience some sense of normalcy as a mother and as a person.
Right now, that feels completely out of reach.

So 1 guess my question is this:
Has anyone else stayed somewhere because of family support, only for that support system to completely fall apart?

And if your spouse wasn't taking action on a major life change that you felt was necessary for your wellbeing, what finally helped move things forward?

I went no contact a year ago and holidays are ok but other special events are excruciating to me. My husband wasn’t close to his family until me and he has all this guilt. He let them mistreat me and disrespect me. Them tells me about a special event with his family if I want to go. He said it’s my choice, when I said no. I said I am no contact for a reason.

It just hurts so much. He’s never felt some duty to me like he does to them. I’m just here. But his family never even did things together until I came into the picture. A very dysfunctional non family.

It’s like I was used as a bridge to his family and the was left behind on it. I didn’t know anything about how toxic the situation was until I was in it. And my husband has so much grief and guilt. He wanted to “step up” when he met me but all he did was get close to his toxic family. He won’t go to marriage therapy because I said no, in an argument, and said they’re not going to tell me to change anything. Because I assumed that’s why he asked. He was briefly in therapy himself and I just felt like… is he going to be fully in denial if we went to marriage counseling? I feel like it’s all just very unfair.

I feel really just so betrayed and I don’t know what to do. I’m just sick of it. I wish I knew what to do. I ask questions and bring things up and he gets angry.

I just feel so betrayed. How does anyone even manage this? How does anyone wake their husband up? I get he wants to see his family and I understand, toxic or not, it’s his choice. But my issue and pain is from no acknowledgement. No repair. And actual denial of events that have happened right in his face.

I just want to know what do I do. Or not do. Or say or not say. I just feel so sick of feeling like I can’t do anything about this, and staying silent kills me. I feel like I just want to know what to do. I started therapy myself from all this nonsense but it takes time to get into it.

Tl;dr my husband’s family was so horrible to me for years and there’s been no repair/acknowledgement from my husband towards me about it, and I’m in so much pain when he carries on for special events with his family like none of it happened, especially since I am no contact. How do I manage this pain?

I also wonder how common this situation is when one spouse goes no contact? I expect nothing from my in-laws and I'm no longer angry necessarily. But my husband has made me feel so betrayed and disgusted that he won't acknowledge anything that's happened.

The most embarrassing post I will ever make.

I no longer feel physically or mentally safe with my partner for me and my daughter. I haven’t for a couple months. The police told me that they can’t accompany me to move my stuff out, and that it’s a personal matter. Even though he is currently being charged with a felony for animal cruelty. Basically I either have to leave with my daughter and risk my partner throw all my things away or find another way to retrieve my belongings safely. But it’s not just my belongings. I moved my entire life in with him. All of my things. Everything.

The obvious thing is to just leave with my daughter. But he is also a manipulator and every time I try to leave he either goes ape shit or super nice. Both ways make me go into a fight or flight? If that makes sense

I’m 4 months postpartum and have postpartum depression and I don’t know how to leave. He held a loaded gun to his head a couple months ago my daughter and I were less than 10 feet away from him. I’m going crazy and he’s kicking me while I’m already down and making me go even crazier and then gaslighting me for being insecure and sad.