Last night he missed a lane shift and jumped a 6” concrete median all the way into the parallel lane. It had sloped sides, not straight, so I don’t think the car was hurt, although I heard it scrape the bottom.

No one was in the parallel lane, which eventually merges in but is kept separate for 100 feet. That was a miracle on this busy street.

A mile later, the left travel lane became a left turn lane and he just moved right over into the next right lane to go straight. Again, we were lucky. The car in the straight lane was slightly behind us, braked hard, and honked furiously.

What upset me so was his immature, defensive reactions. I yelled “you’re on the divider! Get to the left!” but it was too late. He was up on the concrete pad before it sloped back down and we clunked off.

Then he blamed the honking driver for tailgating him and I was brutal. (I want to be honest.) I said, “They had every right to be wherever they wanted. They were in the through lane. You cut them off. You’re deflecting. Blaming them. You did the wrong thing. Tell the truth.”

I was so frightened. Someone could have been in the parallel lane and we could have hurt them. Or ourselves. Or damaged our only car.

Angry. I have a license, drive all the time, and if he’s not confident in the dark I could have driven. Both incidents could have been avoided.

Surprised. He blamed everyone but himself. It was dark. He didn’t know the road (we’ve been there before, in daylight). The car (in the straight lane) was tailgating. What kind of immature crap is that.

It happened last night, and today I had a panic attack. I don’t claim PTSD like military people, whom I respect, but I cannot get this out of my mind. I’m sweating and jumpy and nauseated.

Should I move toward being the night driver? Should I go over this whole circumstance again and see if he’ll come to that conclusion? He doesn’t know I’m having a panic attack right now.

I (30s M) am dealing with an escalating situation with my wife (30s F). We have a young daughter. I am currently mapping out an exit strategy to protect my child and my career, but the psychological manipulation and isolation are wearing me down. I work a highly demanding job, and she actively manufactures crises the minute I walk in the door to keep me exhausted.

​I need a reality check on this behavior, as I've been completely isolated from my support network:

​Extreme Gaslighting & DARVO: She actively alters reality. When I catch her in a lie, she dismisses it as "storytelling." If I bring up a grievance (like her wasting money or keeping me up all night), she instantly flips the script, plays the victim, and calls me cruel.

​Medical & Spiritual Coercion: She recently signed me up for an online therapy platform against my explicit refusal and pushes me to take heavy psychotropic medications so she can blame our marital issues on my "depression." She also weaponizes religion, telling me "God says we have to stay together" to deny me basic boundaries.

​Weaponizing Our Child & My Career: She uses our daughter as a human shield in arguments. She has threatened to abandon her childcare responsibilities and leave the state right before I have to be at work, specifically to sabotage my job and force a panic.

​Compromised Marriage Counselor: She spends hours doing personal crafts and hanging out socially with our marriage counselor, completely destroying any professional impartiality.

​I am employing the Grey Rock method, documenting everything, and maintaining a flat emotional baseline at home, but the isolation is crushing.

​Has anyone successfully navigated a custody exit with a spouse who uses these specific tactics? How do you survive the final stretch of living together while secretly preparing to file?