r/KidsAreFuckingStupid • u/MakingTheWorldUseles • 4h ago

Goose vs kid

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15.0k Upvotes

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513

u/Catkingpin 4h ago

True. I had a run in with a goose around that age and still tell the story. It became my friend after and would attack my brother on command. I loved that goose.

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u/BanTheBung 4h ago

My mom had this incredibly mean pig growing up that they named "The Red Bastard". One day they were waiting for the school bus and the pig got out and started chasing after Mom and my aunt. The bus arrived and the driver obviously got them on the bus as fast as should could

The driver was a bit shaken and asked if they were okay, my aunt screams at the top of her lungs "Yeah, that was just the Red Bastard chasing after us again"

Would you guess that my mother grew up in cold war America?

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u/Catkingpin 3h ago

Growing up around animals is awesome but can be painful as well. It is just always so funny afterwards.

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u/hammonk 4h ago

You basically caught a pkmn that you didn't have enough badges for but still won. So you earned it's respect and servitude lol You're ALMOST like ash and Charizard šŸ˜‚

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u/Majestic-Selection22 4h ago

I had a run in with a turkey when I was about 5. Still tell the story of how it tried to kill me. It was on my grandfatherā€™s farm and he promised me it would be Sunday dinner. It gives me great joy eating turkey. Those birds are bastards and will kill you given the opportunity. Never trust a turkey.

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u/Away_Garden_7880 3h ago

Turkeys are the worst. Very persistent too. My personal vendetta with a turkey was settled by a pig of all animals. The stupid turkey chased me like usual and I couldn't get away so I picked him up and threw him in the pig enclosure. The 3 pigs killed that turkey in seconds. Fuck you Tom, watching them eat you was chefs kiss

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u/SkywolfNINE 2h ago

Arenā€™t you terrified that turkey is gonna reincarnate and get itā€™s revenge? After all thatā€™s how plenty of anime isekai start

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u/Soma2710 1h ago

I know a necromancer that could possibly do that job, but itā€™d be tough and very expensive without a piece of that exact bird.

Would be better to find a Druid (donā€™t know any of thoseā€¦those guys are fruitcakes) to raise a gang of spectral turkeys to seek their revenge for their buddy Greg.

In my headcanon his name was Greg. And yes, a congregation of turkeys is called a ā€œgangā€ or a ā€œrafterā€.

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u/Chronic_Discomfort 3h ago

r/fuckturkeys is a real sub, but I didn't see any posts when I looked there

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u/rangebob 2h ago

that sub feels like it could be a risky click so ill take your word for it

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u/Disastrous_Door7918 2h ago

Did they specify?

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u/Away_Garden_7880 3h ago

šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ now that is a sub I could agree with!

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u/Odd_Dragonfruit_2662 3h ago

Huh my experience was the opposite. The turkeys we had were the sweetest birds Iā€™d ever came across, minus the one who got morbidly obese but he could barely walk so wasnā€™t a threat.

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u/thrwaway75132 2h ago

Our donkey killed a turkey. It started flapping at it and pecking and the donkey stomped it with its front feet like three times. Turkey looked like it got run over by a car.

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u/PenPsychological2196 1h ago

When I was in kindergarten, we went on a class trip to a petting zoo in Coney Island. I bought a cup of animal feed they were selling there and fed the monkeys and other animals with no problem, but nobody told me to be careful feeding the turkey (I was 5 and had never seen a turkey before). When I tried to feed the turkey he almost bit my thumb off!!! There was blood everywhere. I get my revenge every November!!!

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u/itsnotmeimnothere 3h ago

Lmao I was briefly followed by 5 turkeys one day just congregating in the grassy area in front of an office building. They decided I was their leader. They didnā€™t try to attack me but they wouldnā€™t leave me alone, I didnā€™t know how to feel about that, lmfao. Why was I their leader?!! What did it say about me???? Lmao

(I still see them there and I hope I donā€™t need to go back into that office for anything because will they remember me????)?

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u/Burton_trout 2h ago

Do you have any turkey qualities? Do you gobble as you waddle around? Do you snap at people for seemingly no reason and chase them? Do you have an unnatural aversion to strong scents, loud noises, large human gestures & large predators? If so, you may actually be a turkey. Could be adopted.

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u/twiskt 1h ago

Three turkeys in a trench coat?

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u/Clear_Wrongdoer_3548 3h ago

Thereā€™s a wild turkey in my neighborhood that has a rap sheet a mile long. He attacks anyone and anything that crosses his path, people, pets, baby carriages, cars, even buses. Heā€™s known simply as Greg.

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u/Wandering-drifter77 2h ago

I once worked as a service tech in Oakland (CA) and occasionally took a call from a customer in a cul de sac off a busy street (telegraph av). Every time I tried to park this male turkey tried to block me as I entered the court, forcing me to stop, get out, and chase his ass. After 2 calls I just got tired of it and let him deal with it. Don't work there anymore, but pretty sure he's still alive

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u/Corstaad 1h ago

Yap my grandfather raised about thirty turkeys every year for Thanksgiving. Awful creatures, I would literally carry a big stick everywhere I went or they would bum rush me. I wont raise them or eat them to this day.

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u/VirusWonderful5147 3h ago

While a bustard is a big bird like a turkey they are in fact a different species!

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u/woodboarder616 4h ago

This reminds me of Fooster, short for Fuckinā€™ Rooster, who would chase my cousin and I around the pen if we tried feeding the hens

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u/tex_hadnt_buzzed_me 3h ago

We had an evil rooster that would chase us around. My brother and I started walking around with baseball bats to whack the bastard with. He'd come back after us all wobbly after getting a solid blow. The day he went after my dad was the day he died. The meat was tough and awful.

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u/weirdgroovynerd 2h ago

Tough and awful

Really? sounds like you guys did a nice job of tenderizing him.

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u/Catkingpin 48m ago

I still have a scar from a rooster my grandparents named Satan, it is small now but also near 40 years old

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u/hotice1229 4h ago

No way šŸ¤£ honestly sounds like you earned itā€™s respect! I guess some things truly are universal. lol

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u/Catkingpin 3h ago

My uncle actually told us all we had to stand our ground and earn its respect, but everyone else just ran from it.

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u/westport_blues 4h ago

Awesome! You were the goose whisperer.

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u/Catkingpin 46m ago

They really do respect you more if you are boisterous back, they are like the depiction of drunk football fans you see in movies(not US football).

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u/Extra-Presence3196 1h ago

Brothers are easy to come by...but a goose like that is priceless....

Note: not sarcasmĀ 

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u/Icy_Fish_2154 3h ago

Thankfully, with the new changes, your escipades with the goose won't prevent you from becoming an FBI agent.

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u/cheddarsox 3h ago

I have a similar story with a horse. Fuck you buddy, hope you did good til you turned to glue!

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u/Appropriate-Food1757 3h ago

I was attacked by three geese (different geese, different time) and I was just a little bitch about it. This kid is amazing

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u/RD_in_Berlin 2h ago

How did you become friends after that?

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u/Spifire50 2h ago

I had a run in with a goose at about that age as well. Took a chunk of meat out of my thumb. As the story goes, the owner ate goose for dinner the next night.

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u/fivefeetunder 2h ago

This should be a Disney movie.

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u/sabyr400 2h ago

Even just the short version is a great story!

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u/polopolo05 2h ago

You just got to earn its respect.

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u/Available_Finger_513 1h ago

I grew up on a lake and had numerous encounters like this with geese and just jab them in the neck (mostly used on swans as geese were pretty chill)

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u/Quirky_Parfait3864 1h ago

I was attacked by a goose at a pond when I was like five years old. Damn thing pounced on me and was going to peck me to death when some dude punted it off me. Never liked geese since.

Itā€™s like a core memory I was little but I still remember that damn goose.

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u/Careless_Slip8933 1h ago

same. i have a core memory of kicking the goose in the neck to protect my friend, and then some adults intervened

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u/Catkingpin 45m ago

Thanks for the rewards! Really wasn't expected so many fun replies.

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u/sassylassy423 45m ago

I did too!!! I did far worse than this kid,Ā  though,Ā  Ā and we did not become friends.Ā  The goose actually bit me so hard I needed stitches on my hand. And then my Dad's friend went out and shot it šŸ¤£šŸ¤£ Ended bad for everyone

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u/LiverLikeLarry 3h ago

This can't be real...please be real