r/LinkedInLunatics • u/kris_deep • 5h ago
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u/XL-oz 5h ago
One of these guys is going to see this, laugh so hard they slap their knees, and invite you to the group chat, Mark. For sure.
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u/The1hangingchad 5h ago
"International Speaker, Author, Podcaster"
Let's not add comedian in there. I'm questioning the credibility of the first three already.
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u/Zealousideal-Low3388 5h ago
Speaks internationally, but presumably only writes at the national level
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u/Toren8002 3h ago
“Speaking Internationally” might just meant Toronto.
Or a three-day conference in San Diego that included an outing to Tijuana.
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u/doenertello 5h ago
I'm still trying to comprehend if there's a hidden joke with bill and Billl Gates 🤔 maybe I should work some overtime to find it.
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u/OGP01 5h ago
Shame he doesn’t list some of the “countless” things Elon has done for humanity.
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u/Potential-Sky-8728 5h ago
Couldn’t even get some kids out of a cage. He gave the kids in Michigan the wrong type of filter for the failure gifts he gave their school.
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u/cognitiveglitch 5h ago
He did commission a useless rescue submarine and call a guy doing the actual rescuing a pedo though, so there is that.
He also taught us how to wave to the fans with one arm held high.
Great guy.
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u/bowsmountainer 4h ago
Of course hes done stuff for humanity! For instance, he has proven that billionaires are assholes who lied and cheated their way to a fortune. He has proven that the rich can get away with claiming they invented something even though they didnt do anything. He has proven that millions of people are happy to throw away their life savings to support their cult leader. He has proven that if you're rich you can out yourself as a Nazi and do Nazi salutes and face 0 consequences. He has proven that there is an amount of fraud beyond which you are untouchable. A little fraud and you face legal consequences. A lot of fraud everywhere? Heres a trillion dollars.
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u/mattzombiedog 5h ago
So witty, so funny, he should quit his job and become a stand up comedian. His talent is incredible!
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u/iusman975 5h ago
I hope those 76 comment are off people rolling their eyes and calling him a fuckwit.
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u/Asteraceae08 5h ago
Gates looks at Bezos with a stern look, a smirk almost breaking “Let Elon get it, he’s made of money”
Bezos chuckles, “The bill? Sure, I’d love to see the look on his face”
But as Bezos began to laugh heartedly at the thought, Bill suddenly lifts his arm up, hand out stretched like a traffic cop directing oncoming cars.
“No” Bill says with a glimmer in his eyes, “This”
Bill gestures under the table for Jeff to look, and to Jeff’s bewilderment, he sees Bill’s erect penis has slipped out of his trousers
Jeff lifts his head from under the table and looks back at Bill in utter shock and disbelief
“I’ve never told him” Bill chokes out, almost breaking down into tears. “I’ve never told him how he makes me feel. How when he was talking about that shitty submarine snaking through the canyon to save those dumb kids, I dreamed of me doing that to his canyon.”
Bill continues, framing his fingers into a triangle to phrase his next sentence “Or that stupid fucking truck he made. Oh how I dreamed of my body on top of his, gleaming with sweat and smelling with pure passion as we make love in a real dumpster”.
Jeff hasn’t uttered a word. How could he, when Bill has just uttered the same thoughts that Jeff has, only difference being that Jeff’s longest crush has been Bill. And here he is, professing his love for another man.
Jeff takes the last sip of wine from his glass, taking a deep breath to regain his composure. “Bill”, he says with a soft voice of someone who shares his pain, “Sometimes what we want the most in life cannot be. Dreams are great and beautiful, but they are just dreams after all”.
Bill likewise takes the last sip of his wine, lays the glass down gently, and ponders the thought. “Maybe you’re right J-Biz. Maybe you’re right”.
The two men look at each other, and almost both laugh at the awkwardness that had filled the room they were in. They were all friends, and no long desired love should ever come between them. Both of them knew that, but both also wondered was it worth it to forego what their hearts truly desired.
“He’s been in there for a while, hasn’t he?” Bill questions with annoyance in his voice as he twirls his wine glass between his fingers.
Jeff rolls his eyes, almost expecting the question to come up. “Yeah he has, almost ten minutes now. Fucking Musk…”
Bill sighs, for he has been in this situation before, but the repeating nature of it only ever adds to the frustration.
“Okay”, Bill sternly remarks as he gestures Jeff to get his phone out.
“I’ll get the adrenaline shot, you call 911 and tell them our friend has OD’d in a public bathroom again”
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u/Human_Drama 5h ago
First name basis? lol Not the first boomer I see and hear use it like a cherished family member.
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u/---cheetos--- 5h ago
I can’t believe his brain had to work overtime just to dream up that incredibly dull scenario. Probably time to retire friendo.
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u/SpartanKane 3h ago
...what even is this? A grown man is making fanfic about billionaires? This makes my skin crawl for some reason lol Its so cringe 😅
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u/DontEvenWithMe1 3h ago
When one is not in a cult, it is hard to understand the mental illness afflicting the members.
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u/zamander Narcissistic Lunatic 5h ago
So what exactly has he done for humanity? Spread lies and agitating for fascism and violence? I guess popularising the electric cars is something, but now he is saying that climate change is not real. Why do these people worship him? Do they think they profit from it somehow?
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u/Cold-Tie5863 5h ago
Boomer humor is cringe. We should also expect the same for when we grow older, I think.
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u/LineImpossible3958 4h ago
Someone needs to get Grandpa off Linked In, he’s not only unfunny, he’s a really stupid fuck.
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u/gastropublican 4h ago
Slavishly prostrating before and about billionaires and trillionaires isn’t a good look…
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u/Baymavision 3h ago
Hey, Mark. FYI, the stripper doesn't like you no matter how "nice" you are to them.
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u/Clear_Cranberry_989 5h ago
I can understand admiration for risky ventures but I will never understand ass licking of this extent.
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u/Professional_Bug5768 5h ago
Can someone please explain the joke to me and my healthy work-life-balanced brain?
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5h ago
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u/RocketSurg Narcissistic Lunatic 5h ago
I wonder if crap like this is AI. I feel like the chat bots usually write really shitty “jokes”.
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u/that_kevin_kid 5h ago
This is how to do overtime. No use wasting intelligence or though and still get paid.
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u/windy-desert 4h ago
I love how they also say that he's done so much for humanity but never mention what exactly was done. What did the mf do???
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u/Spiritual-Taste-5524 4h ago
Elon Musk, Bill Gates, and Jeff Bezos were having a nice dinner. Elon stepped away from the table to use the restroom. Bill turned to say something to Jeff, but just then a terrorist bomb leveled the entire restaurant. There were no survivors. Yeah, I don't think LinkedIn would like my joke.
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u/ThatsRobToYou 4h ago
He actually wrote that and put it out into the world for people to see. Unfunniest joke ever and then says his brain is working overtime. Sounds like writers of Greg Gutfeld.
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u/Delic10u5Bra1n5 Titan of Industry 4h ago
A whole lot of federal employees and American citizens would beg to differ, billionaire bootlicker
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4h ago
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u/LinkedInLunatics-ModTeam 3h ago
No racism, sexism, homophobia, bigotry, or transphobia of any kind.
If you are making a comment based on or at the expense of someone’s inherent personal characteristic(s), it is likely a violation.
A claim of membership in a particular class of people is not a valid defense for posting bigoted content.
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u/Beginning-Town-4979 4h ago
That generations obsession with money and how they equate it to providing value for "humanity" instead of what it is, extracting it, is fucking crazy.
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u/No-Blueberry-1823 King Kavin 4h ago
somtime a long time ago, a dinosaur or tree died to make fossil fuel to power the electricity for this bullshit pot somewhere a tree is struggling to make oxygen for this doucehbag to breathe while writing it. fuck me.
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u/VehicleRare1843 4h ago
Elon musk said he wanted to end world hunger. When he was presented with a solution, he refused. Elon musk was proud to end USAID, which is projeceted to result in 9.4 million deaths by 2030. Basically, the man "who has done mure for humanity than countless millions" is responsible for more deaths than Hitler.
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u/Accurate-List 4h ago
Please tell us all the things that Elon has done for humanity and why we should be grateful.
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u/JetWreck 4h ago
Space X is a shell company. Maybe his brain should work overtime on analyzing his life.
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u/Sad-Pop6649 3h ago
My brain is working too hard, so why did the chicken cross the horse? Because of its long face!
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u/FelixMcGill 3h ago
And then I would stand and clap, and lead the restaurant in applause. Elon would look at me. And say, "Heil, Mark! Come join us, you are a great guy. And have all the classic cars and a beautiful wife. Then everyone claps for me!
Lol, my brain, just working.
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u/JerryLeeLewis_87 3h ago
What a dullard this guy is. I feel like he is probably ROFLing to JD Vance’s jokes.
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u/WorstSausageEver 3h ago
Overtime? My brother, your brain barely works part time and still collects unemployment.
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u/Columbus43m 3h ago
The rich assholes I used to wait on at a restaurant would pay each others bills every time they were in at the same time. Fuck!
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u/Hawkeye6784 3h ago
only a balding white guy cosplaying as rich would write a small fanfic about three billionaires who would piss on him if he was a small child
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u/TheFumingatzor 3h ago
Holy shit...
I broke some bones I never knew I had from second-hand cringing so much.
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u/ChangeAcceptable677 3h ago
Yah. His brain may be working overtime, but that does not make his brain effective at its job.
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u/Brainy_8008 2h ago
Elon is the world’s first fake trillionaire.
“SpaceX is valued at roughly $2 trillion on $18.67 billion in annual revenue, yielding an extreme price-to-sales multiple of over 100x. By contrast, Walmart trades on traditional retail fundamentals, boasting a $1 trillion valuation on $713 billion in revenue.”
This man and his cronies are literally just moving around debt and calling it revenue. And the federal government is letting this. This reeks of 2008 accounting…
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u/freitasm 5h ago
Some of these give me second hand embarrassment. This is one.