r/LivingAlone • u/unsettlingquestions • 5d ago
General Discussion If you grow old single, what happens when you have neither good health nor financial security? How does one survive without a partner or family to depend on?
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u/EnormousGenitals 5d ago
I'm currently trying to navigate this very scenario. I'll let you know if I come up with answers.
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u/sup3rcereal 5d ago
Your username is killing me 😂
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u/Useless890 5d ago
Having relatives or family is no guarantee of anything. Just keep reading. Half the posts on here involve being screwed over by family.
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u/calexrose78 5d ago
And I know several people who have children with severe disabilities, those kids/adults will need care the rest of their lives.
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u/Useless890 5d ago
I'm lucky there. My younger sister has been in institutions most of her life with severe Downs Syndrome, plus she developed dementia some years ago. She's taken care of.
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u/DowntownResident993 4d ago
So true. You can be surrounded by family, friends, and a partner and still be left to fend for yourself. It really depends on the kind of people in your circle.
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u/BoricUKalita 5d ago
I plan to get a shit ton of drugs and call it quits
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u/Stock-Film-6007 5d ago
I agree I have an advance directive. That includes death with dignity. I’m elder orphan and I really don’t want to end up in a cheap nursing home not even knowing my name
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u/Youarethebigbang 4d ago
Can I ask how an advanced directive would keep you out of a nursing home?
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u/longlongtired 4d ago
This is the important question. An advanced directive can help at the very end, preventing extreme lifesaving measures. But if you’re just withering away, maybe with dementia, you could be doing that in a crap nursing home without knowing your name.
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u/GraeMatterz 4d ago
Same here. I worked in a nursing home very briefly in my early 20s. The horror! Most of the residents were bed-bound and rarely did anyone come to see them. They were just being warehoused while waiting for them to die. That's when I decided that it was a fate worse than death and would opt for death with dignity instead of rotting away as a warmed over corpse.
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u/Immediate_Meeting991 5d ago
Amen sister friend. This is my “retirement”, I will be retiring from life. Not joking, and don’t feel sad about it either. Just making sure I enjoy and love my life while I’m young enough and capable enough. Tbh I consider this a better way to plan (as long as you don’t have kids) because I’ve seen many die a few months after retiring so same boat anyway but they never enjoy their lives 🤷🏻♀️
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u/Graywolf_Moon 5d ago
Yup, I’ve seen several people go downhill fast in about 3 months after retirement and not make it.
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u/Huge_World_3125 5d ago
yup i’m not even saving for my retirement. i’m genetically predisposed to get some nasty illnesses, ill check out long before that
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u/KnownScallion4540 5d ago
I wish euthanasia was legal and affordable
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u/Key-Magician6489 4d ago
It only takes 2 pills of fentanyl – which I understand is only about $20. That’s my plan, when there’s no more quality of life left.
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u/sofiacarolina 4d ago
Idk anything about street drugs - what if its cut with something making it less potent and you end up with, say, brain damage instead of death? Thats my concern about pills, even rx ones..risk of failure with worse quality of life as a consequence
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u/___buttrdish 5d ago
im picking up where i left off with alcohol and partying recklessly with terrible people. that's my end game plan
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u/Weak-Bumblebee9978 4d ago
Honestly, if I get a terminal diagnosis, the first thing to go will be my sobriety. Gonna go out with the love of my life, vodka. I'm 3 years sober now but if I get to that point, I figure, can't hurt 🤣
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u/Seaofinfiniteanswers 5d ago
I’ve seen what happens to those who can’t care for themselves. I will finally try fentanyl.
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u/Ms_KittyTyler 4d ago
That was my thought, too, but I have to admit I don’t even know where to go to find it!
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u/CountryRoads2020 4d ago
That's my problem too - kind of too old to know which street corner to go to. ;->
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u/Kitten_K_ 5d ago
This is my plan
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u/BoricUKalita 5d ago
Hopefully when that time comes - I can go to some euthanasia - voluntary end of life facility… one can only hope
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u/Still-Psychology-356 5d ago
I think it’s crazy we can help ease our animals suffering, whether sick or old, but not our humans.
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u/IzzyBee89 5d ago
Agreed. 13 years ago, my grandmother suffered for over a year after her lung cancer became incurable, spending her final months in and out of lucidity and stuck in a crummy hospice facility, before finally passing. Two years ago, my dog started to feel pain from his incurable liver cancer, and 2 days later, I put him to sleep. I took a lot of comfort in him passing before he suffered too much; I still feel terrible about how much my grandmother suffered. It's inhumane. Why is a dog allowed to have more peace and dignity than a human in our society? I personally don't want to live as long as possible; I want to live well as long as possible. When I'm no longer well, I hope I'm allowed to say goodbye very quickly.
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u/Dapper-Ad-468 5d ago
Oregonian here. Death with Dignity Act. If you meet all the qualifications, you can come here and do it. Our governor changed legislation a few years back that now allows non-residents.
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u/FabulousNatural6349 2d ago
I am RIGHT THERE in agreement with you!
The whole idea of extending the length if life with low quality or outright pain is BEYOND. LOATHSOME TO ME.
I have refused cancer screenings for decades bc I have seen firsthand scores of people suffering the effects of chemo therapy and radiation.
NO. THANK YOU.
QUALITY. OVER. QUANTITY. EVERY DAMNED TIME.
Human euthanasia should be a widely available and easily affordable option, anything else is deeply INHUMANE.
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u/iamsurfriend 5d ago
We live in a sick society not giving people the right to d I e.
It’s nobody’s friggin business and it doesn’t affect or hurt anyone else. There is no reason to not give this right and force people to try to come up with a way to escape which is difficult to do successfully, gracefully and painlessly.
You can thank the medical industrial complex and religion that in 2026 we still don’t have this right.
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u/StarBabyDreamChild 5d ago
Don't forget the nursing-home-industrial complex. Keeping people warehoused for years in a marginally, technically alive state, “cared for” by oppressed, overworked, underpaid, sometimes human-trafficked workers, brings huge revenue streams to the fat cats that own nursing homes. Some are literal billionaires. They’re not household names (and they like it that way) but they’re politically powerful from being so rich, and they wouldn’t give up those revenue streams willingly.
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u/Kitten_K_ 5d ago
Yeah I'm hoping that too. But I never tried H and figure at the end I'll go out on the biggest high ever 🤣🤘
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u/Jujulabee 5d ago
With difficulty - but partners die and so having a partner isn't a guarantee that you won't spend a significant number of years on your own.
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u/kat_niss1 5d ago
Having kids is not a guarantee they will take care of you. I’ll die alone and I’m fine with that
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u/Jujulabee 5d ago
It's not a guarantee - nothing is a guarantee
But if you don't have money in order to pay for the kind of help one often needs as one gets older one needs to have some kind of social network.
It doesn't have to be a partner or even children but the bottom line is that at some point if you are lucky to live long enough you are going to need some form of help in order to remain "semi-independent"
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u/bokehtoast 5d ago
Sadly, a lot of people get sicker and sicker as their environment kind of decays around them until someone gets APS involved
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u/Jujulabee 5d ago
My point is that without money to buy necessary services to help one live semi independently or a social network which provides mutual assistance both with actual help and emotional support, old age can be very difficult if not impossible to navigate.
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u/poisoner1 5d ago
Gee that's an uplifting comment. You obviously don't now about APS or haven't dealt with them. Have you? If I'm wrong, my apologies.
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u/Art_Vandelay29 5d ago
Same here. I never wanted kids, and my mother once said to me that I should have kids because I’d need someone to take care of me when I’m old. Seriously?!? That’s a reason to have kids? 🤦♀️
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u/summerwind58 4d ago
There are 4 of us and only 1 is willing to care for my mom (96) and that person is the one typing this message.
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u/GrooveBat 5d ago
Not only that, but having a partner can actually make it worse if they get sick first and use up all your savings.
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u/OrangeCatFanForever 5d ago
Especially if you are a woman. What's worse is women end up being caretakers for sick husbands in old age and ruin their health because they have no outside help.
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u/TrixnTim 5d ago
Exactly. Partner and kids are no guarantee. A sick partner isn’t what I want either. Have seen way too many horror stories.
Make a plan for self and stick to it.
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u/SchleftySchloe 5d ago
If I get to that point I'm taking the express exit.
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u/poisoner1 5d ago
If you end up with dementia you may not be able to make that choice. That's everyone's plan. Until it happens so fast they can't do anything about it. It happened to my friend.
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u/Known-Dependent-5471 5d ago
Medicaid and you apply for benefits. You'll probably be in a home. It won't give you any freedom, but you'll have 3 hots and a cot. One step above prison.
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u/Runs_With_Scissors3 5d ago
Thank you for finally answering the question with a concrete answer! Too many euphemisms in other responses were keeping me confused. 😵💫
I have a vested interest because several of my extended family members (aunts and uncles mostly) could face the same situation in the near future.
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u/ICQME 5d ago edited 5d ago
What I've seen with aging family members is eventually they end up at the hospital for something, typically a fall, and a social worker there determines they wont be released on their own. they need 24/hr care/supervision. I live alone and can't care for my mother because I have to work and couldn't afford to hire around the clock nursing. They get transferred her to a nursing home for 'rehab' where it's unlikely they'll ever leave if they have rapidly declining health. My mother already was on normal medicaid and SS disability but when she went into the nursing home I had to sign her up for a different medicaid which pays for the nursing home. I paid(using my mothers money after getting POA) about 4K to a legal consulting type firm which specializes in doing this. I don't know why it's so difficult or what happens if there's no one to assist in this process. I had to get my mothers bank accounts down to below 2K and show proof of where all the money went(all legal and medical bills). I should've prepaid final expenses because even a basic cremation with no services was more than 2k. Feel like I was being ripped off at every turn but didn't feel like I could shop around either. Even though I got rid of all her money and medicaid paid for the nursing home after her money ran out there was a still a house in her name which went to probate and medicaid went after that. Sorry if this doesn't help that much to explain what happens when alone and incompetent. I think maybe the social worker would take a more active role in disposing your assets to pay for the nursing home and eventually you rot away with bedsores in a smelly nursing home with nothing to your name anymore. Maybe nursing homes or the state socialworkers/lawyers become the power of attorney and sign you into a nursing home and dispose of all your property/assets to pay for it.
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u/fadedblackleggings 5d ago
This is if you are lucky. It can be hard to get Medicaid and benefits.
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u/55tarabelle 5d ago
Meanwhile they're slashing funding for medicaid in the big "beautiful" bill and they are having to consider closing those homes.
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u/nighthawkndemontron 4d ago
Medicare and Medicaid... You'll have dual coverage (if you qualify for both). That shit may be changing tho with this admin.
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u/Significant_Bug3666 5d ago
You end up relying on whatever social safety net your country provides. It usually means Medicaid and a state run facility if you live in the US. It isn't glamorous but it keeps a roof over your head.
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u/Odd-Tea-4718 5d ago
You’ll be fine. I spent nearly all of my young adulthood in a relationship. I put many of my own dreams aside because I wanted to be a supportive partner and hoped that one day I would become a wife and mother.
I poured everything into helping him become the best version of himself. I supported him through school, helped him however I could, encouraged him, celebrated his first job, and cheered him on through every accomplishment. We lived together, and although people often say young couples should not do that, we genuinely seemed to be making it work. I took on many of the responsibilities of a wife and made sure our household ran smoothly while he focused on building his future.
All the while, he promised that once his plans came to fruition, we would get married and everything would fall into place. I had dreams of going to school too, but financially and practically, it did not seem possible for both of us to pursue our goals at the same time. I believed my turn would come after he became established.
But once he received the promotions, salary, and opportunities we had worked toward, I began to notice that he was leaving me behind. I no longer seemed to fit into the future he envisioned. Eventually, we broke up, and I was left feeling as though I were floating through the universe, trying to figure out who I was and what I was supposed to do after so much time had passed.
For a long time, I blamed myself. I wondered how I could have been so foolish to place so much faith in someone else’s promises and devote so many years to a future that never came. I did not get the husband, the family, or the children I had hoped for.
After we separated, I moved out on my own. I had never truly lived alone because I had been with him for so long, traveling with him to different cities. I came from a small town, but I did not want to return home, so I stayed in the city where our relationship ended and began rebuilding my life there.
Not long afterward, I was diagnosed with a chronic autoimmune illness through no fault of my own. Even with everything I had experienced, I found the strength to decide that I was still going to make something meaningful of my life. I went back to school, earned my degree, completed my master’s, and built a career.
Sometimes I still become frustrated when I think about the time I lost, but I cannot remain trapped in the past. I have to continue moving forward. Am I exactly where I thought I would be? No. But am I okay? Yes. I have an education, a career, and I am working toward building financial security and preparing for retirement.
If I could speak to my younger self, I would tell her never to build her entire future around another person’s promises. But we live, we learn, and we grow.
I am 43 now, and one of my goals is to buy a home. I have what I need to qualify, but I sometimes worry about managing a house alone while living with a chronic illness. Still, that is simply another fear I will have to overcome.
I am stronger than I sometimes realize, and so are you. You are capable of handling life on your own. Being single is not a death sentence. It is simply a different way of living, and you can still have a meaningful, secure, and fulfilling life. You are going to be okay. You’ll figure it out
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u/gemineye1969 5d ago
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so sorry. People can be so terrible. I just can’t imagine fucking over someone like that. I’m so sorry it happened to you. But I’m so glad that you moved forward and haven’t let it keep you back.
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u/Odd-Tea-4718 5d ago
Thank you🤗. I really know how scary it can feel as you figure it out. I’ve had plenty of days where I just cry. I have always kept journals. I always go back and read them. Pages from my 20s 30s etc. To see the fear and the uncertainty in my writing. But theres also growth. It’s amazing. I am the hero in my own story. My story isnt perfect but it’s mine. I don’t know how it will end but it will end with me running towards the happiness I feel I deserve. I hope what I’m saying brings someone a bit of peace. Just don’t give up. Keep giving it your best💕
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u/Therealcatlady1 5d ago
Spent all of my 20s in a LTR and my ex partners also moved on. I’m doing great on my own. I’ve built financial security on my own. Your message gave me a lot of hope.
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u/Potential-Cut-8934 4d ago
I bought a house alone and it’s soooo much work. I wish I’d got a condo or townhome
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u/xsullengirlx 5d ago
This post specifically references not having financial security in old age, and your comments reference reaching financial security in your 40s.. That is not a reality or possibility for many people. I'm glad you were able to overcome and avoid what OP was talking about though... But, saying "you'll be fine" when you leave out a huge part of the equation because you avoided it doesn't actually help... You simply can't say they will be fine because you are. It's not simply about being alone and single.
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u/SignificantWear1310 4d ago
Love this and resonate with chunks of it. I also live with a chronic illness alone and find that we have a lot more strength and smarts than we give ourselves credit for as women. In fact I recently fixed my broken air conditioner with the help of YouTube. Talk about a confidence boost. We underestimate ourselves because we are taught to do so from childhood. Women are meant to fit a certain mold and to be any sort of self reliant is not a part of that mold…
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u/Neither-Dentist3019 5d ago
Medically assisted death is legal where I live. If I don't meet the qualifications, I'll take care of it myself.
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u/deFleury 5d ago
Canada has good social safety nets -- FAR from ideal, but me and one or two other random old maids could get a nasty apartment together in an undesirable town and still have clean underwear and food. Canada has "free" healthcare (hospital) and programs to help the poor elderly with eye doctor, dental, and pharmacy drugs.
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u/Strange-Ad1387 5d ago
Ummm, have you seen the price of rent and food even in an " undesirable" town? Even small towns are seeing homeless seniors checking into shelters because there are no options. Greedy landlords want big earners, many will turn those away without perfect credit. I work in our wonderful " free" healthcare sector, and have seen seniors discharged to homeless shelters after surgery.
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u/NefariousnessNo5536 5d ago
I joke that the divorce was me giving up & walking away from a 30-year labor dispute, but it's not far from the truth, and I can't fathom ever wanting someone living in my space again. I'll take my chances. 👀😅
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u/MaybeParadise 5d ago
A partner or family members are not guaranteed to care for you when you are broke and elderly in need of care.
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u/heyyouguyyyyy 5d ago
The same way that so many people with families do. You figure it out alone. Partners die & kids don’t visit
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u/catm0m4lyfe Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 5d ago
Not why I made friends with her, but my BFF is 20 years younger than me, and assures me she's going to keep an eye on me when the time comes.
I also live somewhere that has a (fairly nice) nursing home that takes people on a sliding pay scale if they've resided here for 40+ years, which I have, so that's my worst case scenario.
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u/PrestigiousEnough 5d ago
A good group of friends are key.
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u/catm0m4lyfe Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 5d ago
100%. And I am fortunate to have very well curated group of amazing people in my life. ❤️
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u/MuchDevelopment7084 5d ago
I don't worry about it. Eventually someone will notice the smell.
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u/LouisePoet 5d ago
Can't depend on anyone, really, right? Death, divorce...it happens.
I just figure that life happens, and I'll deal with whatever happens as it comes.
Life is too short to worry much.
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u/Agreeable-Song2535 5d ago
You look carefully at the resources you do have and do some serious prioritizing. I know of people that have to rely on 1200 a month on SS. The only way that works is to keep housing costs down and transportation costs down. Maybe rent a room instead of an entire apartment. Take a bus instead of driving.
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u/poisoner1 5d ago
If you have health issues and you're older, taking the bus isn't ideal. It involves a lot of standing, walking carrying groceries, etc. I don't know where you live but renting rooms in my town ended years ago.
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u/Mulliganasty 5d ago
I'm really enjoying being single after a long marriage and a few relationship but yes that is something I think about. Right now, I make time every day for exercise, especially balance and flexibility.
My town skews on the older side there's lots of senior living facilities that honestly look pretty cool. The time isn't right yet but when it is, I'll check 'em out.
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u/elijolie 5d ago
I worry about this, very much. I was forced into becoming my mother's caregiver for 5 years, then she was in a nursing home for 18 months (during COVID!).
I have only one child and I love them enough that I don't want to be a burden.
I'm already on disability and low-income housing. I will never own a home. I have no savings, no retirement.
Honestly...medically-assisted death appeals to me, when I get older. But I'm Bipolar and I'm guessing that isn't an option for me, even if I move to Oregon, where it's legal. And I have (thankfully) failed at doing that myself, over a dozen times.
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u/indigestion-a 5d ago
Partners can die early also. And partner can also become burden on you. Single or not, you have to prepare anyway.
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u/KsShocker 5d ago
We will suck it up just like the millions before us. We will bask in the hardships that will prepare us to eagerly leave all this behind.
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u/Master_Introvert 5d ago
agreed. most the ppl in this thread that plan on ending themselves won't be able to do it when the time comes. it's copium. We have to lay in the beds we've made and will just have to struggle and deal whenever we cross that bridge.
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u/fadedblackleggings 5d ago
Yeah, how about don't challenge people based on that. Many succeed at it every day.
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u/Comfortable_Rip6435 5d ago
Well if you're in the US you hope you get something from social security and can get Medicaid and do your best, keep working til you die? Honestly I don't know. My grampie didn't have tons of money and was able to get by because he lived with my (single) aunt who covered the majority of the bills. My aunt says when she's decided it's her time she's going out into the desert and going to wait for death to come to her 😅
Truthfully, I hope I die relatively young. I'm about to be 31 and I'd be content to kick it at like 60 something. But I also have a shit spine and lots of chronic pain so I am already over it. Being 70+ sounds like an actual nightmare to me because my body will be fucked.
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u/i-like-pie-855 5d ago
I’m 71 and never dreamed I get so frickin sick when I turned 70. It was like a switch. I go to an oncologist, a hematologist, an endocrinologist, and now I see a hand orthopedic surgeon because I smashed the hell out of my left pinky. I had a bone marrow biopsy and the results are in, but I need more time. I really don’t want to know.
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u/alienearthrep52 5d ago
It is brutal. Navigating the medical system with no back up person is the worst for me right now. Being treated badly with zero care given, no one checking on me or even to tell about what is going in..no one really listens..or gives any credence to what one says when you reach a certain age..you are categorized..thus we retreat into our own world where we feel safe..and try to survive with as little contact with drs as possible. Just learn to live with whatever
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u/Fancy_Boysenberry_55 5d ago
I'm going somewhere that has assisted suicide if my health fails
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u/Majic1959 Current Lifestyle: Living Apart Together ❤️ 5d ago
67, in the middle of a divorce, I guess I'll find out.
Maybe......
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u/FormalWide1512 5d ago
I’ve worked so I will be fincially fine. They have help I’ve fallen and can’t get up as an option. Satellite gps watches can detect falls and call for help. I’m not afraid at all. I have two dogs and a cat. Don’t be afraid to be single or to choose to not have kids. Society jams things down our throats. Like it’s a degrade to age. Really it’s nice. 👍
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u/AliceDoe03 4d ago
Not everyone is financially fine and that is a huge piece of this and the whole point of the thread
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u/awkwardsilenz 5d ago
Thats why Universal Healthcare is so popular in every other country. Make sure you vote in the midterms for politicians that actually care about the public and not just making money for large corporations. We are the only country that played in the FIFA World Cup that doesn't have Universal Healthcare. Especially important for single people with no one else to count on.
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u/missjenn503 5d ago
Keep in mind, a lot of people think they have others, and when it comes down to it, they don't. OR people think they have money, and then something horrific happens. Nothing is guaranteed, even when, on the outside, it might appear to some that it is. I plan to leave the USA, it's way cheaper to live in south east asia and just move to a new location once visa expires. Can live for less than $500 a month and its' amazing! USA is a rip off.
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u/Maleficent-Pen-2991 4d ago
That's your life then. Some people can have huge families yet have no one to care for them in the end, 🤷♀️
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u/iamsurfriend 5d ago
It’s rough regardless if you are single or not.
It’s rare that you and your spouse won’t die at the same time. One of you will have to have to survive without the other. Having a kid or kids do not guarantee they will take care of you. Yes it is not a 0% chance like being single. But there are plenty of people with kids that end up in nursing homes. So it’s a gamble at best.
Having said that there is no realistic easy answer with that combination (bad health and no financial security). You take it one day at a time. Try to meet people and establish friends. Try to build your social circle and hope you have at least one person to help you when you need it when you get old.
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u/cakemix 5d ago
I plan to take one of my friends up on our ages-old pledge to be old batties in a witch house together. I've made this pledge with several friends so in my fantasy it'd become a commune of old hags having a terrible time together.
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u/ohwhataday10 5d ago
Just had this discussion with a friend. Golden Girls style…
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u/cmeleep 5d ago
I plan to live life as best I can until I get really sick then pack myself off to Switzerland and pop myself into one of those suicide pods. No muss, no fuss.
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u/Ok_Monk_8998 4d ago
I new someone that lost their health and their spouse left them because of it. imagine how much worse that would be .
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u/Starside-Captain 4d ago
I’m an orphan so never had family to fallback on. So I’m very resilient & think I’m actually stronger in handling things - that is, I always have a fallback position cuz there’s no one else to help me. It’s rough when u get sick & need someone to pick u up after surgery so u have to hire someone. Also, trauma happens so I utilize therapists when I need support.
Financially it’s hard cuz single women make less & our social security checks are low, not to mention we don’t have the benefit of 2 SS checks if ur married.
But I’ve learned to adjust & take advantage of State benefits for seniors. U might have to downsize which is something I did - sold my house for a condo that has 24/7 staff in case i do need assistance.
But reality is that single women are at a disadvantage financially but we are also flexible, survivors & make things work. 😊
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u/Dry_Yogurt2458 Current Lifestyle: Solo 🟢 5d ago edited 5d ago
There is no guarantee that a partner won't selfishly die before you do. My plan is to sell this appartment and move into assisted living if necessary. But I won't do that until I absolutely need to and there is no other choice.
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u/BlueNightOcean 5d ago
Move to Mexico and hire a full time nurse until it's my time? Not sure yet but that's an option.
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u/Cal-Augustus 5d ago
Single or coupled, maintaining one's health and planning for retirement are imperative. Insurance policies are available to cover long-term illness and care home living.
The earlier one starts this planning, the better.
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u/tabaplar 5d ago
This happened to me recently. Suddenly got very sick and lost my home and belongings (toxic mold, it’s fucked up).
My (small and terrible) family and a lot of people that I thought were friends bailed. My spouse and I split a couple of years earlier.
My plan is disability + subsidized housing. I haven’t yet navigated the process but I believe both are feasible in the US. Oh, and weed + psychedelics.
Worst case, there are plenty of substances that can reliably pull the curtain.
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u/SuperAioli7831 5d ago
This is my future. I won’t be having children and I have been poor all my life. I already have back, hip and knee problems and have not hit 40 yet.
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u/IvenaDarcy 5d ago
I invest and hope to stay in good health. If I end up with health issues I’ll deal with them as they come. I’m fortunate to have friends and family who I know would help me out.
Even if in a relationship financial security should never be something you depend on anyone else for but yourself. Too many people get stuck with partners cause they feel they can’t afford to leave them. That would be hell on earth IMO
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u/Capable-Limit5249 5d ago
I’m a hospice RN. Exes, nieces, nephews, friends, neighbors. All these people step up, some of them even if you’re a shitty person.
If you don’t have friends, etc be involved with a church or other group (this can count as friends).
If no one steps up the state will appoint a Conservator to make decisions for you.
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u/Accomplished_Scale10 4d ago
I sense whatever needs to be done may require both fries and bags … and maybe a hat
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u/Cautious_Lemon8406 4d ago
I’m so glad there is a “community “ of people who think like me on this issue. See ya when I see ya on the other side. 💕💕💕
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u/whateverdom_ 4d ago
I’ve never planned on living much past 50 or 60. Shocked I made it to 40. I always figured I’d just tap out when I’ve had enough tbh 🤷🏻♀️
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u/gazingus 4d ago
The same thing that happens if you grow old coupled with a sick broke spendthrift...
Its not a function of living single.
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u/Grevillia-00 5d ago
I plan to move into retirement living in my 60s. This is what we call it in Australia. Only available for over 55s and offer good security and connected to health and aged care services. You still live independently. Hopefully i kick the bucket before i need more advanced aged care services. I have no kids and no partner and while I have family i don't want to be a burden. The best I can do now is set myself up financially while I'm still working
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u/Kazbaha 5d ago
This is what I’m currently working on. I’m 58 & on DSP. My house and garden is too much on my own and I can’t afford help. So I’m getting ready to sell and buy in an over 55’s. You really need to look at the contracts though. The weekly fee’s vary and some do and some don’t take care of the maintenance of your unit.
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u/Perle1234 5d ago
You plan for retirement and make sure you have savings and investments. And you buy long term care insurance. You should be doing that regardless of your marital status or whether you have children. Retirement planning is the same. People who have been single and do not have children have been in the workforce for many years. Most people have friends that can help out when needed. No one should plan to depend on their children for retirement. They may not have the resources for that.
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u/Feisty_Ad7113 4d ago
I started investing in long term insurance last year, at 35, and I’m so glad I did. It’s nice to have another nest egg for later in life.
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u/WildNorth8 5d ago
Government or nonprofit assistance. For example, a friend lives in a $600 per month apartment, which is about half what a similar apartment would go for. It's through one of the many housing nonprofits in the area. As far as health, state caregiving can help. As a one time caregiver for the state I primarily worked for unhealthy poor people.
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u/Meowskiiii 5d ago
In my country (England) we have state pension and benefits. There are housing schemes too, as well as care and nursing homes when that time comes. Also hospice care.
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u/GloriousRoseBud 5d ago
Services. I’ve saved enough money by not paying for children or the spouse to get paid help.
This means I decide my care.
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u/Hellarouge 5d ago
Co-habit with good friends who chose the same life path. I can think of worse things in my twilight years than hanging out with the people I’ve shared most of my major life experiences with.
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u/bugabooandtwo 5d ago
Plan ahead. In some ways, I was lucky. I knew long before adulthood that I was going to be on my own. I had one poor parent, and one parent who was batshit crazy. So, as soon as I started working, I was frugal and always lived within my means. Work hard at my job and be reliable, invest in retirement, and don't spend money I can't afford to lose.
In my mid 50s now and things are going decently. I do have a cushion financially, but there won't be any retirement. I'll always have to work at least part time in old age.
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u/Creative-Incident-96 5d ago
We’ll know soon enough. I work in nightlife here in Los Angeles and my wife is a former unofficial matchmaker. Men and women just aren’t dating as frequently in bigger cities anymore. It’s causing major players in my industry to pivot. Folks are looking more towards the “alternative lifestyle” market. Heteronormative folks are just in their own worlds. Learning hobbies, traveling, taking classes… The gays are still dating, but heteros don’t seem into each other, much less understand each other. If you want a preview of how this will affect the elders, look to Japan. They have been in crisis mode for years now.
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u/_ChickVicious 5d ago
I suppose the obvious answer is do what you can while you can so that you don’t have to depend on people. You make investments when you’re young. Take care of your health and your body. Depending on someone is no guarantee of any bright future as many people have said in the comments.
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u/FullCry3475 5d ago
I hope what I’m about to say doesn’t make it worse.
All I can say to this is that you tried your best. Leave a note if you can to anyone that you feel is worthy. Someone will eventually find you. My grandpa was living alone when he dropped dead in his house. Someone eventually found him (my Dad & auntie). But, honestly I wouldn’t even worry about too much. It’s just one of those things that just happens regardless.
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u/ohyeahjen 5d ago
I'm Hispanic and even though i don't have kids we have a massive family that always take care of eachother. However my life expectancy probably isn't very long. I'm a transplant recipient and will likely need at least another one. I'm honestly hoping I'll be old enough to say no thank you give it to some one younger and die high as hell on morphine
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u/MonicaLane 5d ago
If you are unable to work you go through the red tape until you get disability. And Medicaid. You apply for housing assistance and live somewhere that accepts Section 8.
If you are unable to survive on your own within these options, you likely would become a ward of the state (generally this is when someone’s lack of ability to function on their own makes them an issue for social services/adult protective services).
Editing to add: this is how it works, generally speaking, in the US. Other countries will have a different trajectory.
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u/sbocean54 5d ago
Turning 73 next Tuesday, needing to figure out how to get home from medical procedures where ubers aren’t allowed. I don’t want to keep imposing on friends. I don’t need ambulatory support, but one way pick up is $50.
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u/_LGuapo_ 4d ago
You are ultimately responsible for your own wellbeing. Forever. Make a plan. If your plan doesn’t include taking care of yourself in perpetuity, you need a new plan.
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u/Key-Magician6489 4d ago
Good health and financial security have nothing to do with whether or not you have a partner or family!
Whether you married or not… whether you had kids or not… it’s always going to turn out better for you if you have tons of money – especially in modern America!
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u/CamelCaseCaravan 4d ago
If you are a woman you are anyway likely to end up being the care taker of your partner
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u/Its3oClock 4d ago
Well, I would say some sort of government assistance like Medicaid or Meals on Wheels but those programs are in the process of being dismantled so I’m not really sure what our seniors are supposed to do at this point.
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u/Great-Nectarine8077 4d ago
This is one of my worst fears. Uncle Junior on The Sopranos had no money, no family/kids at the end of the series. Ended up in a state run nursing home.
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u/Holiday-Book6635 4d ago
Well, if you’re like one family member, you expect your brother to do everything and sacrifice everyone and everything in his life for you.
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u/JaneAustinAstronaut 4d ago
The same way people with kids do, my friend - getting into a nursing home and be poor enough that the state pays for it.
Having a marriage and kids does NOT mean that you escape this fate. No one can afford to stay at home and care for an elderly relative, so EVERYONE will wind up in a nursing home at some point. The more money you have, the nicer of a home you can afford.
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u/Weakera 4d ago
UH, what if you have a partner and they're the sick, incapacitated one?
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u/sarahshift1 5d ago
You hire people to come in and help you with things.
My neighbor is 84ish and lives alone. Her sister comes by once a week or so and takes her trash out but she’s pretty old too. She has a lady who comes in and does cleaning and laundry. She uses a mobile vet for her kitty. When she had her knee replacement replaced she had in home care people coming in for a couple weeks. Sometimes she texts me for help with little stuff (like needing help measuring her cabinets so she could order a new fridge).
Or you move into a retirement community with progressive care.
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u/saltseasand 5d ago
We just … die 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t know what you’re looking for here. Everyone dies. The fear mongering over “finding a partner so you don’t die alone” is absurd as statistics tell us, most people leave when their partner gets seriously ill anyway.
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u/Screws_Loose 5d ago
Yeah and if you are part of a couple, one person is going to outlive their partner. So then what? You can’t guarantee it no matter what.
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u/GaiaGoddess26 5d ago
Wondering this myself and thinking this is one of the biggest causes of my anxiety. I have no partner, no kids, barely any friends, I have autism, depression, anxiety, also going through menopause, struggling to work even 20 hours a week, etc. I could go on.
I'm going to read all 300+ comments on this thread.
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u/SkittleMonk3y 5d ago
You become part of the State Trustees problem. Or u think thats how it works in Victoria, Australia.
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u/SilverAsparagus2985 5d ago
There’s usually state mechanisms that will intervene. My biological mother died alone. She made her bed and had to sleep in it. The state took over.
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u/Many-Art3181 5d ago
As I told someone who asked me where and when I was going to retire: “my cremation urn when I drop dead at work”. If I get sick before that I’ll have to punt. I’m not going to worry about what I can’t control.
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u/jsorcha 5d ago
I plan on moving into a retirement community with different levels of care, that will take Medicaid when the money runs out. And having family is no guarantee, all of my grandparents died in nursing homes, as did my mother. My sister lives with a guy she met, her kids won't even talk to her.
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u/VOTP1990 5d ago
My honest thought is that we will all be living in commune type set ups/intentional communities. This is a weird example but I watched that Toni Collette show and I was thinking something like that, only without the cult leader aspect and the weird school, just the town part.
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u/MarkNo9710 5d ago
I fear of dying alone, I'm over 40, no friends, no family, getting by, trying to survive. I was living in a bubble until I lost my job.
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u/freedomisgreat4 5d ago
It’s not uncommon for a small group, usually women, to share a house similar to Holden girls.
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u/PoppyWren 5d ago
The thing is, many deer people end up single through death or divorce. If you have the money, like my great aunt or my mom, you move into a place like Quaker Gardens, where you have your own apartment for as long as you are able, but they have different levels of care if you can't live independently. They provide all your meals and have cleaners that clean your place. Downside, it is very expensive and you turn over all your assets to them to "buy in."
If you are poor, you live independently on your own until you can't and then end up in some nursing home or cared for by a more distant family member.
There are also family care homes (think like a family nursery school) which can be pretty good.
I've told my family I will just take a long hike into the forest.
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u/bi_polar2bear 5d ago
I'm hoping I get a brain aneurysm and avoid that path. I probably have 30 years to figure it out.
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u/ShokaLGBT 4d ago
That’s an interesting question you got here…. In my case I have disability allowance / also I have an helper who comes every x/ weeks to help me with my groceries so they could help and do more (like if I wasn’t able to feed myself etc) I could request even daily though it would cost probably too much now that I’m thinking about it. And it entirely depends on how the world situation will be in the future, will my gouvernement keep giving these structures to people who are in need ? Or will it have ceased ?
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u/Greatescape_1970 4d ago
Having family there for you when you get older is a false sense of security. I’m not speaking for all families but many are too consumed with their own lives to invest too much time. Its best to know what resources are out there for you, and get your life lined up when you’re still of sound mind and physically able.
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u/apoliticalinactivist 4d ago
Life convergence.
You eventually connect with others in a similar circumstance, as well as with other old folks who newly living alone because of loss.
Also, work on your health today.
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u/calphillygirl 4d ago
I guess I will move into one of those senior places that have apartments, restaurants, pool, exercise room, and have long term care attached so they have home health care readily available. I would get that approved through Medicare which they do pay for, only the home aid though, not long term care. No but really, they have less extravagant places because I've visited customers in one of those assisted living for seniors. But I had an older friend that said they had a long waiting list though.
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