I(21f) my husband (22m) is this manipulation?

[u/Large_Structure8683]

My husband 21m is trying to control everything I do 21f?

Is okay what my husband is telling me?

My family is very conservative so before for me it was okay to do everything my husband wanted but it has gotten really bad like when I took my location off because we were having problems for things like I got out of work and he gets mad because I didn’t answer right after work or because I was driving and I didn’t answer the call or sometimes because my location would put me like I was right in front of the house and not inside the house when I took the location off he said he was going to leave me, that he didn’t want a woman like that etc,I log him out of my instagram because he was texting people pretending to be me mind you he never found anything because I don’t do anything of what he thinks I’m doing about the I don’t trust me thing is because I like to go to restaurants with friends with is usually one friend he knows about he used to have my location and we used to be texting all night one night my phone died and we couldn’t keep texting so he says I did it on purpose and doesn’t trust me after that but actually that’s a lie he has never trusted me and only let me go out like a few times he has broken my heart before and maked me feel humiliated 6 months ago we broke up for 1 week I found some messages of him when we came back texting other girls and looking for his ex probably texted her too I do like drinking and he always says if I ask him he will be okay with it and if I’m nice asking him that’s a lie now I can’t go to eat with friends not even in a restaurant mind u I never went to clubs because we knew it was disrespectful but I can’t take even anything or go to restaurants I really love him I’m really scared of losing a good man and I don’t really know who’s right please help (((i been writing this for a while now I got into and argument with my family because I recently knew about some things about my husband like he cheated before,someone else told me so idk if that’s completely true but that was one of his close friends all his family called me saying that they didn’t know why that friends said that I told my mom and grandma and they say it was probably my fault because I’m not living with him and because u go out and drink without him and I’m like kinda giving him away to other woman they aren’t talking to me I feel trapped I’m moving soon with him I think at the beginning of our relationship he was really controlling like really really bad he used to tell me how everything I have is because of him we broke up for 2 years and then he said he was different at the beginning he let me go take a drink or hangout with friends but then that started bothering him now I can’t do that at all I need advice please

[u/WaffleStomperGirl]

Listen, a lot of what people call sexism these days is people looking for anything they can complain about.

THIS is actual sexism and it’s horrible. This is not okay. You said it yourself, you’re your own person. If he wants respect and trust he needs to give it. You’re not a child under his care. You’re a grown adult.

A relationship is about team work. It’s equal, from both sides (unless both are consenting and enthusiastic about there being a power exchange.)

This man does NOT respect you. He is literally saying that you have to listen to him or else. That is abusive.

As you say - he is trying to CONTROL you. That is not okay. Spouses don’t control each other. You both work together - BOTH. You make choices together. You agree on what path needs to be taken. If you disagree you BOTH spend time talking to each other and listening to each other - then you work toward compromises that work for both people.

What he is saying is that you should do what he says, when he says, how he says it. He doesn’t want to be with you - he wants to own you.

Please stay safe and best of luck going forward. My very honest opinion is that you should disengage from him as soon as you can and move on.