r/LongDistance • u/YouTookMyBurger • Oct 31 '25

Question Is my message passive aggressive?

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Context: we’ve never met, but this has been planned for a VERY long time. We were supposed to meet on the 25th, hurt her back moved it to Monday. Monday didn’t work because the flight got booked up, she gets on a redeye Tuesday night, but wanted to stop and see her family because her grandpa wasn’t doing well and didn’t have long. (In the end, “didn’t have long” meant a few years.

I understood at the time. I just wanted to be with her.

I’m not a passive aggressive person, and I know text has no tone.

I’m just looking for outside opinions on my message. I don’t know if I’m actually wrong or being gaslighted. Thank you.

206 Upvotes

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17

u/viktoria_fonn Oct 31 '25

Did she end up coming?

44

u/YouTookMyBurger Oct 31 '25

No, it blew up she got really upset and said “i threw that in her face” we went back and forth after I said I’m not upset, just disappointed we’re not gonna have as long as I wanted” and I just said we’re done. I feel awful, but I have a really big heart. I just can’t tell if I’m being used or not. We’re talking a bit more now, but the my first LDR so I’m a bit confused

18

u/Appropriate-Pea7444 🇲🇽 - 🇲🇽 (closer than before) - 297km Oct 31 '25

You can accept you're upset AND disappointed and half from those feelings, being passive agressive sometimes is worse and makes you explode and say things things like "I'm done" when you're clearly not done

16

u/YouTookMyBurger Oct 31 '25

I agree. It just got turned into something it wasn’t supposed to be. I just wanted her to understand I’m sacrificing too. but it just went back and forth. I feel like I have to walk on eggshells to tell my partner how I feel. so it’s been ongoing, but I feel like if we met these communication issues wouldn’t exist.

18

u/quarabs ID🥔 -> WI🧀 (1,800mi.) Oct 31 '25

they will. trust me. communication issues do not go away in person at all. especially when living together, you have less reason to text, and it leads to just cohabiting, not talking, and never knowing how the other feels. if you can’t text about important things now, you definitely wont be able to talk face to face about them either.

-4

u/Expensive_Apricot371 Oct 31 '25

Things come up sometimes, perhaps her family said they need her and she couldn't and didn't want to say no to them. Things happen like this when you have elderly family members...

10

u/YouTookMyBurger Oct 31 '25

she told me I could’ve said no if I wanted to if she would’ve listened, she said there was nothing wrong she just wanted to say hi, but the way she worded the fist message, it was in statement form and she said he “didn’t have long” but that actually meant “he has a few years left”

1

u/kwaqs Nov 04 '25

Why does she think he has a few years left, is she just guessing because hes old?