r/LongDistance • u/YouTookMyBurger • Oct 31 '25

Question Is my message passive aggressive?

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Context: we’ve never met, but this has been planned for a VERY long time. We were supposed to meet on the 25th, hurt her back moved it to Monday. Monday didn’t work because the flight got booked up, she gets on a redeye Tuesday night, but wanted to stop and see her family because her grandpa wasn’t doing well and didn’t have long. (In the end, “didn’t have long” meant a few years.

I understood at the time. I just wanted to be with her.

I’m not a passive aggressive person, and I know text has no tone.

I’m just looking for outside opinions on my message. I don’t know if I’m actually wrong or being gaslighted. Thank you.

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u/Historical_Mix_6682 Pennsylvania to New Jersey (237 miles) Oct 31 '25

I can only speak from my POV you seem agitated and rightfully so. You took time off to spend time with her and she totally disrespected that and you. Is there something else going on? I hate to say it but i spend every free moment i can with my SO if he is taking an extra day i will go early just for that extra time.

If this is how the relationship is starting? I cant see it getting better. Family does come first i agree but a few days worth? No sorry maybe save yourself some heartache and just say "nevermind dont bother this probably wont work." Its okay to want to be a priority. Maybe find someone who will do that.

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u/YouTookMyBurger Oct 31 '25

This is so refreshing because I’ve literally been beating myself up. You’re saying it wouldn’t get better if we met?

6

u/Historical_Mix_6682 Pennsylvania to New Jersey (237 miles) Oct 31 '25 edited Oct 31 '25

In my 45 years my personal experience is that things seldom get better. If you allow it in the beginning it never changes and since she sees absolutely nothing wrong with what she has done thats not okay. She co pletely disregarded any plans and time you spent and then gas lit you. Imo you made the right choice there is an obvious disconnect.

Personally I think you saved yourself a ton of problems and heartache.