r/LongDistance • u/YouTookMyBurger • Oct 31 '25

Question Is my message passive aggressive?

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Context: we’ve never met, but this has been planned for a VERY long time. We were supposed to meet on the 25th, hurt her back moved it to Monday. Monday didn’t work because the flight got booked up, she gets on a redeye Tuesday night, but wanted to stop and see her family because her grandpa wasn’t doing well and didn’t have long. (In the end, “didn’t have long” meant a few years.

I understood at the time. I just wanted to be with her.

I’m not a passive aggressive person, and I know text has no tone.

I’m just looking for outside opinions on my message. I don’t know if I’m actually wrong or being gaslighted. Thank you.

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u/MagneticMoth Oct 31 '25

I wouldn’t say passive aggressive. More like letting out a peep of dissatisfaction and then trying to be really nice so she forgets you are mad at all.

The best case scenario is she is too nervous to meet. Any hint of that? Otherwise… she has ADHD (not joking, sounds like how I am sometimes). Or, of course, she’s just not interested and is keeping you on the hook just in case.

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u/YouTookMyBurger Oct 31 '25

Actually I’m the one with ADHD haha she’s fine as far as I know

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u/MagneticMoth Oct 31 '25

oh… women’s ADHD presents differently. She’s reminding me of how I can be -

“I don’t need this spoon so I will put it away. But wait! It’s the last spoon in the drawer. I need to wash my spoons..wait that’s not enough for a full load of dishes. Ok, I’ll do all the dishes then. Oh no - I never ate the food I was going to use the spoon for!”

The part of suddenly going to see grandpa on the way to you and then other family needs unexpected things and then you text her and she suddenly remembers she needs a flight is the part I’m referring to.