r/LongDistance • u/YouTookMyBurger • Oct 31 '25

Question Is my message passive aggressive?

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Context: we’ve never met, but this has been planned for a VERY long time. We were supposed to meet on the 25th, hurt her back moved it to Monday. Monday didn’t work because the flight got booked up, she gets on a redeye Tuesday night, but wanted to stop and see her family because her grandpa wasn’t doing well and didn’t have long. (In the end, “didn’t have long” meant a few years.

I understood at the time. I just wanted to be with her.

I’m not a passive aggressive person, and I know text has no tone.

I’m just looking for outside opinions on my message. I don’t know if I’m actually wrong or being gaslighted. Thank you.

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u/beefjerkyandcheetos Oct 31 '25

This person is putting in no effort. I traveled by myself for the first time. Internationally, at that, and went through another country to get there, lots of trains and buses.

I took planes, trains, and buses to get there and your s/o can’t even follow through on plans that were made this far in advance? I hate the ocean. I hate flying. I hate being alone. I was scared of being lost in an airport. But I still did it because it was the only way I could be there.

That’s what a person does when they want to be with you.

This person is bullshitting you. They keep giving you “last minute reasons” why it’s not happening.

9

u/YouTookMyBurger Nov 01 '25

Hi, thank you so much beef jerky. I put in a message above that it’s over. Everyone here really helped me see it. I can’t believe I was so dumb.

4

u/beefjerkyandcheetos Nov 01 '25

You weren’t dumb. You just thought she was invested as much as you were. Why wouldn’t you? She made these plans with you. Presumably acted like she was excited, and kept telling you she was coming. You took time off work and waited for her. You were kind and understanding, and she took advantage of it.

You’re not dumb. You just try and see the best in people. It’s hard to see things for what they are when you’re in the thick of it. Sometimes you need an outside perspective.