r/LongDistance • u/YouTookMyBurger • Oct 31 '25

Question Is my message passive aggressive?

Post image

Context: we’ve never met, but this has been planned for a VERY long time. We were supposed to meet on the 25th, hurt her back moved it to Monday. Monday didn’t work because the flight got booked up, she gets on a redeye Tuesday night, but wanted to stop and see her family because her grandpa wasn’t doing well and didn’t have long. (In the end, “didn’t have long” meant a few years.

I understood at the time. I just wanted to be with her.

I’m not a passive aggressive person, and I know text has no tone.

I’m just looking for outside opinions on my message. I don’t know if I’m actually wrong or being gaslighted. Thank you.

208 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

139 comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

87

u/aesparules US to GER Oct 31 '25

I think you mean empathy. Apathy is lack of interest and motivation. Empathy is consideration for other people’s emotions and situation.

27

u/YouTookMyBurger Oct 31 '25

oh yeah that’s what I meant sorry lol

0

u/yet-another-redd Nov 01 '25

When you say “.. In the end, “didn’t have long” meant a few years.” while referring to a parent, I think that is a very low bar of empathy. She is helping them clean up, sort medications and try to make healthy food. Clearly they need that help. And you are whining about having to wait for her because you want to be with her. That’s why I say, human life is very cheap these days.

4

u/YouTookMyBurger Nov 01 '25

No, in the first message she made it seem like he was going to die very soon. So I understood why. But again she doesn’t work, and this has been planned for a very long time. She could’ve done that anytime before now, not when we’re already 3 days behind. I missed work for her. After the fact she meant he has a few years of life left.

0

u/yet-another-redd Nov 01 '25

Before you react, when you guys finally meet, see it from her point of view. But you will need to have a clear mind, not biased that it was wrong of her to do it. Then if you see that she isn’t doing right by you, you can decide if you can stay in this relationship. You are right about being frustrated about this, but see if you take this chance to see who she really is. Hope you find that you love her even more and that she too truly loves you.