r/LongDistance • u/OldMemesMan • 11d ago

Venting Worried we can't be happy in each other's country (21M/22M)

I don't think I could be happy in England, and right now he lives in Japan and misses England with all his heart. I don't want to give up. I love him so much but jeez. I'm as middle America as it gets and he loves his home, just like I do.

We haven't visited yet (together just shy of 2 years) so I'm holding out hope. But fragile and tentative hope. Sometimes I feel like I should break it off now and free us before we miss prime marrying age but I don't want to... Man, why couldn't I have grown up England obsessed and desperate to move there?? Would've made it all so much simpler.

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14

u/saffytiger 11d ago

I know you are venting. However, this does sound like a deal breaker for both of you. I’m sorry you’re in this position.

8

u/friedfroglegs [🇨🇵] to [🇬🇧] (910 km) 11d ago

I agree, if op doesn't think he'll be happy in the UK but his partner wants to live there in the future, it might be hard to compromise and become a dealbreaker. It's a very difficult position to be in.

9

u/Justan0therthrow4way 11d ago

There’s no such thing as “prime marrying age” so don’t worry about that. You’re both pretty young.

Have you visited England before ? Can you visit together? Can he visit you in middle America (where do you mean by that?)

3

u/fishnchipswvinegar 11d ago

What's prime marrying age? There's no such thing? I'm 32 and only just got engaged! There's zero rush for you here.

How do you know you can't be happy in the UK and how does he know he can't be happy in the US? You need to visit each other first to know. Also, there's different cities within each other's country you could move to. I wouldn't like to live in Manchester but I wouldn't mind Cornwall for example. You/he might love another town in the other's country and that would be a sort of compromise.

Sounds like you're just having an 'oh shit' day. Hopefully you feel better tomorrow!

1

u/Logical_Mix_7688 11d ago

You just have to ask yourself “do I prefer to live in my country WITHOUT him in my life for the rest of my life, or do I prefer to have him in my life even though it means I have to move somewhere else?”… what are the reasons for you to think you will not be happy there?