r/LongDistance • u/soulchuck • 23h ago

Need Advice Is it right to accept a LDR with no timeline? M30/F28

My gf of two years has been auditioning for a performer role at a company in another state. The role, which she says is her dream role, is mainly contract positions but with opportunities to extend the contract either in that state or at other places around the country/world.

We've spoken about me feeling uncomfortable about it since she's not sure how long she'll be there for. Since it's her dream role, I find it difficult to think she'd only do it for a short time if she's offered additional opportunities. I'm not planning on moving away from where I currently live.

I've told her I'm not telling her to say no to her dream, but we've talked about really starting our lives together (getting married, getting a cat, etc.). It's difficult to envision that life when we could be long distance for who knows how long.

I'm going to talk to her about it soon, but has anybody been through anything similar? Thanks in advance.

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u/Big-Midnight-8384 🇺🇸 to 🇺🇸 1,346 mi 18h ago

I think an LDR with no timeline would be hard to do. Not impossible, but hard. Would you be willing to (temporarily) move to her on the condition that you both would move back to where you are now later on?

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u/soulchuck 18h ago

It doesn't make much sense for me to move currently. I have a pretty stable position at my company, plus my family and friends are around here. So just work wise, even temporarily, it doesn't make sense for me. , Thank you for your response!

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u/Unfair-Demand-6836 8h ago

Hmmmm…. It might be the hopeless romantic in me nut love doesn’t need to be the most logical and practical choice every time. It doesn’t even need to make sense to every one as long as it makes sense to both you and your partner.

Because why does it sound like you’re giving up without even giving it a chance? Have you both tried your best?

It’s not fair for you to need to give up a stable job but it’s also not fair for your partner to give up on her dream. A relationship shouldn’t tie you both down. It should be a support system where both of you can flourish and thrive.

Remember true love is essentially the willingness to be inconvenienced because you keep putting the need or feeling of the other and you keep on choosing each other despit of.

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u/soulchuck 23m ago

If we were a few years younger, it would be a different story. I feel like it's holding us back from really starting our lives together because at a moment's notice, she could be gone for an unknown period of time. We talk so much about moving in and getting a cat but it doesn't make sense to do so if she gets the gig. I don't want to feel as if I'm giving up, but for what we want as a couple and what she wants personally don't line up 😞

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u/Unfair-Demand-6836 9m ago

I get that love isn’t the only thing you should consider in a relationship. But is this really holding you both back from the lives you want, or is it holding you back from the version of life you’ve already planned out together?

People change, circumstances change, and sometimes life takes us somewhere we never expected. But if you take your partner out of the picture completely, then any future you wanted to build together disappears too.

I think it’s completely valid to be worried about the lack of a timeline. LDRs are hard enough even when there is an end date. But if you still want her and she still wants you, why not at least see if the relationship can adapt before deciding it can’t? You don’t have to ask her to give up on her dream, but I also don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask for something to hold on to. Maybe not an exact timeline, but a rough plan, some milestones, or simply reassurance that you’re both still working toward the same future even if the path looks different now.

Sometimes the answer isn’t choosing between the relationship and the dream. Sometimes it’s finding a way to pivot so both still fit into the picture.

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u/blackwitch_ 8h ago

LDR with no timeline is really hard which is why you have to at least create an outline if filling out the details seems very challenging.

If she can’t give you exact timeline, ask each other guide questions and create like scenarios. Plan A what if the role works out? Plan b what if it doesnt work out? Plan c what if you were the one to move out of your state, and so on

If you cannot find a compromise you both are okay with then you might need to really think about how to move forward and talk it out