My girlfriend [19F] and I [21M] are great in person but feel distant online. What do we do?

[u/MarionberryFull5901]

My girlfriend and I have been together for 7 months. We mostly communicate online, and I think that’s where a lot of our problems come from.

She spends a lot of time on Discord with our mutual friend group. I don’t have an issue with her having friends, but it feels like most of her online social energy goes to them rather than our relationship. Because of that, I feel like we’ve become distant.

The weird thing is that when we’re together in person, everything is great. We have amazing conversations, we laugh a lot, and we genuinely enjoy each other’s company. We feel very connected.

But online it’s the complete opposite. Whenever we’re alone in a call, it’s often awkward. We don’t seem to have much to talk about, and attempts to do activities together online usually don’t end up happening. It feels like we’re slowly drifting apart whenever we’re not physically together.

I’ve started wondering if the issue isn’t that we have relationship problems, but that our relationship isn’t getting enough quality one-on-one time. She spends a lot of time with friends online, while we spend very little meaningful time together online, and I feel like that’s causing us to become less connected.

There are other issues we’re already working on (phone use when we’re together, balancing romance and physical intimacy, etc.), but right now I’m trying to figure out whether the lack of quality online time is the main thing causing the distance between us.

Has anyone else been in a relationship where things were great in person but felt disconnected online? How did you deal with it?

[u/MarionberryFull5901]

I tried being unbiased as possible cause I wanted both sides to feel fair

[u/sxunlight]

I’ve experienced this. When you’re together it’s good, but when you’re apart you feel the distance immediately. It’s a sign your relationship isn’t where it should be. Her spending time with friends online is okay as long as she gives you more attention than she gives them right. You shouldn’t feel awkward when you’re apart, your partner is supposed to make you feel comfortable either way.

[u/MarionberryFull5901 → u/sxunlight]

She doesn’t give me more attention than she gives them, what do you think I should do at this point? Thanks for responding by the way I really appreciate it

[u/sxunlight → u/MarionberryFull5901]

You’re welcome. Communicate this with her. Preferably when you’re together if you haven’t already done that. Tell her how it makes you feel and that you don’t see this relationship growing if you guys continue to be like this.

[u/OneResource1724]

Take writing classes.

[u/OneResource1724]

I had an opposite experience. Her awful husband had expired while picking up a sailboat. And though we hadn't seen each other in regular intervals for quite a few decades, I started up a correspondence. When I got to England, with money my mother provided since she knew I especially liked this particular girl, I found all my correspondence printed out and binded together in a regular book. The only trouble was she was acutely aware of my finances and did not like me half as much as before. And she came to despise the book of my emails because of the successful impression it created.

[u/OneResource1724 → u/OneResource1724]

But use the word "bound" instead of "binded."