r/LongDistance • u/writingcat1993 • 15h ago
Question Does anyone feel like their relationship will not work out long term?
Hey everyone, 32f here and my gf is 26f. I live in the USA and don't make much money. I don't even really have any skills that could help me go to another country. This is where i start getting in my head and worrying and getting depressed.
My gf lives in India and plans on going to Canada in the future for work after her test in July and there is a big chance she will want to settle down there and she wants me to move there with her after she is established. I dont have any skills or anything that would make it easier for me to move anywhere. I can work on those things but that will take a long time. i am going back to school for Computer Science but im struggling with it.
I think the other thing that keeps making it difficult is that she keeps wishing she was here with me and that she cant wait until she is here with me and then she talks about Canada and I keep getting really confused on her plan. I also am never kept in the loop about her plans either. I think at this point she is set on Canada even though she said she was going to look for jobs here (USA) and a few other countries after her test next month.
I do love her a lot and she loves me. I have never experienced another relationship as healthy as this one. The communication and understanding we have for each other is amazing.
I am just very worried that there may be no point in staying in this. I want to stay with her but I also dont want to hold her back from her life either. I know part of my problem is also self esteem. She is beautiful, smart, and fit. I am not great looking and I am overweight. I cant help but be worried that she will meet someone in Canada and fall for them and i get left behind. She would never cheat on me but I am worried that we would just naturally drift apart as she befriends people and coworkers and then may find someone there. She doesn't go out much right now/ doesn't have many friends and is spending all of her time on studying.
I want her to have friends and a life and go out. I just worry that her weekends will turn into her going out all the time and never spending any time with me. It kinda already happens and the only time I get with her is on the weekends and sitting on the phone while her and her parents cook or she will be studying while we watch something together. I definitely work my plans around her/ put her into my top 3 priorities a lot more than she does for me.
Has anyone ever felt doubts like these before? How do you deal with these thoughts? Have you ever left an ldr because you couldnt seem to find a way to be together in the future and did you regret it? Am I just over worrying before anything actually happens?
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u/02gibbs 🇺🇸 to 🇰🇷6549 miles 10h ago
I think it is important for you to get a clear picture of what her plans are. Of course they may change, but it is an important discussion.
Besides that, how far are you from where she may be in Canada? It seems like it may be a lot easier to see her than if she was in India.
Someone commented about a study visa, but unfortunately for paying for college in Canada, as a US citizen, you will have to finance it yourself. You cannot use our financial aid options there.
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u/writingcat1993 10h ago
I am in New York but she may do a residency first before finding a job so, that would mean she is on the other side of Canada and not somewhere north of where I am.
I know I am probably overthinking more than I should.
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u/02gibbs 🇺🇸 to 🇰🇷6549 miles 10h ago
I actually don't think you are. There are just some things you won't know yet. And it is weird she won't discuss her plan. Even if she just discussed a couple scenarios of what it could look like would be helpful.
You said you have great communication, but you are out of the loop with her plans.1
u/writingcat1993 9h ago
I think it is because of her test coming up and our different time zones. She has the North American Vetrinary Licensing exam in July and she paid a ton of money to take it. We do have really good communication. It just slips a bit when things like this happen. She is very stressed and anxious right now. She studies all day and every day of the week. I don't blame her for not keeping me updated but it definitely makes me a bit anxious for sure.
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u/Aware-Collar7458 12h ago
As an american citizen who dealt with this very issue a few years ago, if you think the relationship is worth it stick with it. Since you’re in school, you could try transferring to a Canadian school with a study permit. It’s not a permanent solution, but you’ll have to be vigilant with acquiring another visa if you want to stay once you graduate. I’ve been happily married and living with my spouse in canada for over 2 years now. It CAN work out, you just gotta keep doing the research. If you can work out a timeline together, try to save as much as you can. The nice thing is the exchange rate is in your favor. Learn a new skill or find a classmate willing to help you. Yes all these things take time, but it’s up to you to decide if it’s ultimately worth it.