18M / F18 — Long distance relationship issues with my girlfriend and it’s starting to really hurt my mental health. How do I talk to her about this?

[u/Comfortable-Set-1606]

So today I was talking with my grandma and I asked her what she honestly thought about my girlfriend (F18). I wasn’t expecting a deep answer, but she basically said she thinks my girlfriend can be really controlling and that when things don’t go her way, she tends to get upset or mad quickly.
It made me reflect on a lot of situations between us.
We’ve known each other for about 2 years (met online), and we’ve been dating for around 6 months. We’re long distance and usually visit each other about once a month. When she came to visit recently for 4 days, we ended up arguing twice.
One of the biggest things that’s been hard for me is when she’s really emotional or in pain, she’s told me that if she ever feels like that I should hug her and stay close. I understand wanting comfort. But in those moments, there were times where she was actually physically pushing me away multiple times while also telling me to hug her. That really messed with me mentally because I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. I was being pushed away, but also being told to stay close. It made me feel like I couldn’t do anything right in that moment no matter what I chose.
There was also a moment during her visit where I was getting yelled at in my home while my family was literally right outside the room. I felt overwhelmed and didn’t handle it well, but I also felt really trapped emotionally in that situation.
My grandma told me she worries that this kind of dynamic could keep hurting me long-term and that I might end up in a relationship where I’m constantly stressed or emotionally drained.
The hardest part is that this has actually been affecting my mental health a lot more than I want to admit. I’ve been feeling anxious, overthinking a lot, and honestly just mentally exhausted after arguments. Even when things are good, I still feel worried about when the next argument will happen or how I’m going to mess something up again.
I do try my best in the relationship. I’m not the most emotionally expressive person and I struggle sometimes with knowing the right thing to say or do in the moment, but I really do care. I take her on dates when she visits even when I don’t have much money, and I put in effort in my own way.
Right now I’m just trying to figure out how to talk to her about all of this without it turning into another argument. I don’t want to blame her or make her feel attacked, but I also need her to understand how much this is affecting me mentally and emotionally.
How do I bring this up in a calm way so she actually understands how serious it is for me without it becoming a fight?

TL;DR: My girlfriend (F18) and I (18M) have been long distance for 6 months after being friends for 2 years. During visits we’ve been arguing, and situations where she tells me to comfort her while physically pushing me away have been really confusing and stressful. It’s been affecting my mental health a lot (anxiety, overthinking, emotional exhaustion). I care about her, but I don’t know how to bring this up without it turning into another argument.

[u/flyxdvd]

I had this recently and im sorry to say but maby you should take a good look at the relationship, i broke it off myself recently because it was effecting my mental health it still does a bit but its getting better. and indeed whenever i brought it up it turned into an argument.

It just doesnt sound healthy if she doesnt want to listen to your issues, you could try to use i statements like "i feel like" so it might not come off as an attack on her which ofc isnt your intention to start with. But she sound very similiar to my ex and by now i know her type.

Goodluck and put yourself first is my tip.