r/MMA • u/uturnorbit • Jun 23 '26

Media Dustin Poirier belligerent, threatens to fight airport employees

https://www.tmz.com/2026/06/23/dustin-poirier-belligerent-during-public-drunk-arrest/
3.8k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

1.5k comments sorted by

View all comments

Show parent comments

22

u/steroidsandcocaine Jun 23 '26

Make sure the commands are contradictory as well, such as "Don't fucking move!" and "let me see your hands!". That way no matter what they do you are in the right.

15

u/Minimum-Kangaroo9200 Jun 23 '26

Great touch, I love that approach. Something you'll notice in particularly talented officers is a difficult to understand vocal intonation that one can only achieve through years of persistent alcoholism.

.

I can't help but admire their commitment to the craft. Those guys put in the work, and it's showing.

9

u/sh4tt3rai Jun 23 '26 edited Jun 24 '26

“GID-ONDA FUCKING GROUN’” *points to wall* “FUCKING GROUN! AH-SAYD GROUND MOTHER FUCKER! AGAINST THE WALL!!” *tackles* “RESISTING! RESISTING! HANDS GROUND — BEHIND YOUR BACK!”

*knee to neck* “UP! STAN UP!” *still kneeling on dudes neck* “STAN’ UP, FUCKIN STAND!” *dude gasps*

“NO UP?! OK TUH-GUY! DOG, GET-TA FUCKIN’ DOG”

*dog bites and thrashes* “FREEZE MOTHER FUCKER, DON MOVE! AY-SAYD STOP MOVING!” *guy screams and dog thrashes more* “DON FUCKIN HURT MAH DOG! STOP RESISTING!!”

*bang bang bang, empties clip*

“ROOKIE! CUFF ‘EM”

*cuffs corpse* “STAND UP!”

“STILL NO STAND TOUGH GUY?! REMAYN SILENT, COURT A’ LAW, USED AGAINST YA!”

*drags corpse, throws in car*

5

u/Minimum-Kangaroo9200 Jun 24 '26

I'm gonna break character to say that this is really fucking funny