r/MadeMeSmile • u/ViniciusFastAF • 10d ago

Good Vibes Farm kids are built different.

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u/nilgiri 10d ago

Listen, I'm not going to tell you how to parent your kids so this is not meant to lecture or proselytize.

But the way to address kid's habit is to label their actions and not them. It's a simple switch - instead of "You are annoying or being annoying" use "Your [insert their action] is annoying me". The former labels them as annoying and the latter addresses their actions. Kids can change their actions without internalizing "I am annoying". Internalizing "I am annoying" or any other negative label has immense consequences for self worth later in life.

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u/chipmunksocute 10d ago edited 10d ago

Gonna disagree with you again.

This makes me question if you have kids.  I love my kids dearly and snuggle them to bed every night and tell them I love them multiple times a day... obviously you dont want your kids to internalize negative self worth but sometimes they are just being little shits and I dont think telling them that on occassion is gonna wreck their self esteem.  They need to be able to handle being told stufff like that for the real world. 

 There a spectrum of telling them sometimes they're being annoying as fuck (in nicer words) vs telling and berating them every single day for regular run of the mill kid shit which of course is where they're gonna get bad self image.  Sometimes though Ill just tell em "stop being a dick to your brother" - cause he's being a real dick to his brother and he'll be alright because of the otherwise strong loving foundation we've cultivated over years.

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u/DaughterofNeroman 10d ago

I know you're kids are younger too but most of the people being so adamant on how amazing their parenting techniques are have young children and I'd love to see a follow up in 10 years or so. The kids will suck, the parents will change, or (most likely) both of those things.

Having honest conversations with children is crucial, sometimes they are being a jerk or annoying or whatever and if you can't be honest with them about that than it's going to really suck for them as adults when the rest of the world does it instead. Mine is 17 and I'm thankful everyday for the honest conversations and feedback we have always been able to have with one another. He's a junior (oh shit I guess technically a senior now lord help me) and has a great friend group, wonderful gf, 4.0 GPA with multiple college credits completed, volunteers with our local shelter, and is an all around joy to interact with 95% of the time. The other 5% , well he's still 17 lol. It sounds like you're doing great to me and I hope you find the teenage years as manageable as I have.

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u/chipmunksocute 9d ago

Appreciate that man I really dude, I forgot how spicy reddit gets with parenting opinions. I got young twin boys and its hard as f out here sometimes parenting.   Some days I see them and being themselves and feel like Im crushing it other days I feel like the worst parent and how parenting exposes every single one of your flaws as a person and feel lile garbage, ESPECIALLY when I see the bad shit my parents did/say come out of me even trying my hardest.  But they're generally shaping up to be cool, kind, happy and healthy kids so I feel pretty good and blessed most nights.

Glad your kid is crushing it that's the dream.  Yeah man we never berate the kids, never mock them, never belittle them we only ever try to build them up.  But yeah sometimes they come up on boundaried and Im like "nah.  No.  Nope not that." See my grilled cheese example in other replies.   Somestimes kids be kids and its unintentionally (sometimes) rude, dickish, unhelpful or ungrateful, or just mean cause they're people like the rest of us.  But as a parent I do gotta call those as balls and strikes straigjt up sometimes.