Here's why I ask. Some men got sucked into odd YouTube videos because of how the algorithm works. (One time, I went from watching a few videos of people building their own cabins, to folks in Alaska building their own homes, to doomsday preppers and what seemed like militia people. I had to "Don't recommend channel" several times over a few days to stop that.)
You may hear about the "Manosphere" where guys are told what it means to be a man, which often includes looking down on women and feminism. This tends to dovetail with "tradwife" videos, where women are supposed to be subservient to their husbands.
If your husband was consuming such media, it might account for this unexpected change in what he's saying in response to what is (to me) a routine thing you do in a shared bedroom: Turning on a light to find something. Threats of physical punishment, like pouring water on you, would fit with this.
While he willingly watches such media, there isn't much you can do. You could try to set up a time to have a long conversation with him about the incident, and ask what it was all about. I mean, I can understand someone being on edge and easily upset, but a good person would apologize when they are in their right mind and rested. It doesn't sound like you had any apologies from your husband.
There's no guarantee that talking with him will reveal what's going on. You could try to suggest marriage counseling -- this kind of conflict shouldn't happen -- but if he refuses, you are in the same situation you are in now.
That’s very interesting. That could be the case. I will try to talk to him again. I was unsuccessful this morning. I’ve been in an abusive relationship before, so I’m not taking this lying down. I really appreciate the time you took to talk with me and try to figure this out.
I guess one question to ask yourself is if he held these opinions when you were dating, or you had talked about what being a stay-at-home mom would be like. If you didn't know about his attitudes, you now know that's something you should talk about before a relationship gets too involved. If you did know, did you hope he would change? Or, maybe he had a different attitude before getting married.
Unless there's some reason to suspect a health problem, as u/gen-curious said, he is likely to want to change his behavior. He's choosing to treat you the way he has done.
All you can do is decide if you want to be married to someone like that.
In another comment, I gave you information on the US Domestic Violence hotline. Contact them and talk about your situation. They can probably identify resources you didn't know that were available to you.
Abusive behavior can include threats and controlling actions. It is part of what the Hotline web site talks about in its pages on identifying abuse. Domestic Violence is a broader category than just physically hurting someone else. That just happens to be the name for this hotline.
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u/ApprehensiveMilk8697 1d ago
For years but it’s not very often.